
THOUGHT 
OF A FOOL 



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THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 



THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 



BY 

EVELYN GLADYS 



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CHICAGO AND LONDON 

E. P. ROSENTHAL AND COMPANY 

1905 



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Copyright, 1904 
By E. P. ROSENTHAL 

Copyright, 1905 
By E. P. ROSENTHAL AND COMPANY 



Entered, 1905, at 
Stationers' Hall, London 

All Rights Reserved 



CONTENTS 



I. 


My Genealogy _ - - 


9 


11. 


How Smart I Am 


15 


III. 


What can You Expect ? - 


27 


w. 


On the Ground Floor - 


41 


V. 


Man to Be 


53 


VI. 


Success - - - - 


61 


VII. 


Shoes, Pigs, and Problems 


71 


VIII. 


Democracy 


85 


IX. 


Pressing His Trousers 


103 


X. 


Potatoes - - - - 


113 


XI. 


Buzz-saws, Shortcake, and Rights 


121 


XII. 


In Wonderland - - _ 


129 


XIII. 


Inventory . . - 


137 


XIV. 


Life's Message 


145 


XV. 


Symbols and Tags 


153 


XVI. 


Occultism - _ - _ 


163 


XVII. 


The Fly and the Donkey 


171 


XVIII. 


Net Balance - - - - 


177 


XIX. 


The Universal Secret - 


183 


XX. 


Where I Found Him 


189 


XXI. 


Free Love _ . - 


201 


XXII. 


Ostracized - - - - 


213 


XXIII. 


My First Case 


229 


XXIV. 


Boiled Cabbage _ - . 


243 


XXV. 


"It is Finished" 
5 


251 



MY GENEALOGY 



MY GENEALOGY 



THE reason for my foolishness was analyzed. 
" Her mother is to blame." " It is her father,'* 
says another. "Bad training," says the third. 
I don't know what the fourth said, but I assure you 
that my parents and their ancestors are not to be held 
responsible for me. There is a conviction that abides 
with me that I did not inherit any foolish notions. I 
think all of them are my very own. For my ancestry is 
replete with scintillant examples of the wisdom of the 
various eras through which man has progressed. 

Tracing my pedigree back to the beginning of history, 
and even into prehistoric times, I find that I descend 
from illustrious houses on both sides. One of my pro- 
genitors was a great military chieftain. His brother 
was a high priest of Baal, at that time one of the most 
respectable of the gods. His son was a learned judge. 
He had a daughter whose beauty was the envy of all 
heathendom. She is said to have had red hair and 
green eyes, and perhaps my own auburn locks — but 
this is scarcely germane to the subject in hand — and 
she was virtuous and holy. She avoided doing any- 
thing that could be subjected to criticism. She would 
not associate with men, because men in her day were 

9 



10 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 



abominably wicked. She never broke her vow to refrain 
from marriage; and her son was just as holy as she was. 
The military chief crucified a rebel, that his son, the 
judge, had condemned, and the vast majority of the 
people of the country voted him a medal. By the time 
the judge's son had grown to manhood the people, who 
were very changeful in those ancient times, repented of 
the medal their fathers had bestowed on the sapient 
judge, and the son contributed it to a fund that was 
being gathered for the erection of a monument to the 
memory of him that had been crucified. He also 
helped to support the priests who were now preaching 
that the man who had been done to death in his father's 
day and at his father's judgment was a prophet and a 
martyr. He demonstrated his good citizenship by 
helping to stone to death another rebel, who in turn also 
became the central figure in a religious system. And 
all the way down through my lineage, my forebears have 
been crucifying rebels, and building temples in their 
names after a generation or two. Thus my forefathers 
have always protected the gods of their day against in- 
novations, and erected new gods when they discovered 
material for deification in the victims of their righteous 
wrath. At any rate, they were always right and respec- 
table while they lived. Respectable people are always 
right. To be respectable it is necessary to choose to be 
right while we live, no matter how wrong our actions 
may be considered after we are dead. 

If we are to take our choice between being right 



MY GENEALOGY ll 

while we live and being right after our death, the re- 
spectable people will always choose to be right while 
they live. To be right after you die you will have to 
be disreputable sometimes while you live, and thereby 
suffer inconvenience. So he chose to be right while he 
lived. 

The same story repeats itself again and again. The 
son following the opinion of the public as it changed, 
and praising the dead one his father helped execute. 
And so on along the line up to the more recent eras, the 
history of which is being taught in the public schools. 

The children in our schools of to-day are taught to 
revere the names of the rebels of the past, and to crucify 
the rebels of our own day. All of which goes to show 
that no matter how far I delve into the past of my ances- 
try, they never violated the canons of true respectability. 

Mother still has a manuscript certificate to prove 
that she and all her people were loyal subjects of King 
James of blessed memory — and my father has a peck or 
more of medals that have come down to him as testi- 
monials of the favor which our house has ever enjoyed 
in the eyes of royalty. This genealogy ought to admit 
me anywhere. So I cannot understand why the nice 
little daughters will not play with me. However, the 
sons are not so distant, and I am just fool enough not 
to care so very much about the daughters after all. 



HOW SMART I AM 



HOW SMART I AM 



WHEN a person feels he knows a thing or 
two which other people have been too stupid 
to discover, he is a w^se person. Then a 
feeling comes to him — a kind of a desire to enhghten the 
public concerning the things they do not know; inci- 
dentally — how smart he is. 

The public, also desiring to be wise, facilitates 
the spreading of that which the wise know, by estab- 
lishing schools, colleges, universities, and academies, 
and by instituting lecture courses. The choicest 
method with which to unload wisdom is by the book 
route. Endowments are secured for pubhc hbraries, 
book stores are opened, and pubHshing houses grind 
out the wisdom of the wdse. If your name is inscribed 
on a book-cover you are then officially wise and are 
eligible to be a bohemian. It gives you a license to 
get drunk, to borrow money, and to be a free lover. 
There are only two other classes that are lucky enough 
to be equal to the book- writer and also enjoy the privi- 
leges of bohemianism — they are the actors and painters. 
All are included under the name of "Artist." The 
politician also claims the pri^dlege, but he really is not 
entitled to it. 

15 



16 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

There is much wisdom in the world. In order to 
have even a slight comprehension of the extent of it, 
visit the public and private libraries and see the heavy 
laden shelves. Then let a publisher tell you the per- 
centage of the manuscripts which are not printed, add 
them, and multiply the result by ten thousand; it is 
doubtful if even then you will be anywhere near the mark. 

When I discovered that I was awfully smart I 
decided to unload my wisdom on the public in the 
shape of a book. I know that I am wise, yet I am 
modest. I do not think that I am so wise as the other 
wise people think they are; but many facts presented 
themselves to convince me that I am smarter than the 
wise people I meet. They are specialists; they are 
up on one line, and they talk and write about that 
particular line. 

If you ask a person who has written a book on 
economics, concerning art, he will tell you that in eco- 
nomics he knows it all; as for art — you will have to 
go elsewhere. You will rarely find a person who will 
admit that he is wise in more than one thing. But I 
confess that I am the proud possessor of a department 
storehouse of wisdom where you can find any subject 
you may desire. Another point which I have dis- 
covered in my favor is that their knowledge is not abso- 
lute. When a person places before you the fact that 
he is wise you can generally find another wise man who 
will prove that the facts produced by the other fellow 
are not facts at all; and that number two is the one 



HOW SMART I AM 17 

who has the wisdom which you thought number one 
had; then you are hkely to hear number three con- 
tradict number two, and he in turn asks for the applause 
to which wisdom is entitled. 

By the discovery of old fossils a system of physical 
geography is established. By the discovery of some 
more fossils we overturn that system and establish 
another. This morning I read that more fossils have 
been discovered, which means that we are wrong again. 
I am convinced that there are any number of old fossils 
that are walking around everywhere; and from this I 
conclude that wrongness is universal. 

The knowledge which I possess is absolute, and 
of such a character that any number of fossils are not 
capable of upsetting it. The most important point 
which I discovered in my favor, and not to be overlooked 
is, that the wise do not transfer to others the knowledge 
which they claim to possess. Therefore it seems to 
me that the value of what they claim to possess is 
overestimated. 

An artisan, when he knows how to make something, 
it matters not what it is, can transfer to you that which 
he knows. Then you too become the possessor of 
that knowledge. A farmer can teach you how to farm, 
a shoe-maker who knows how to make shoes can 
transfer his knowledge to you; then you know how, 
and in turn can teach others, so they too are able to 
make shoes. But suppose you are anxious to know 
something about spiritualism, theosophy, or any other 



18 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

thing that would come under the name of "rehgion*' — 
occult, psychic, or cosmic. It requires a lifetime 
to read the books on those subjects. After reading 
them through you possess the knowledge that the 
writer of them claims that he knows something con- 
cerning something which he calls by a certain name; 
but you don't know the something, neither do you 
know what the something he claims to know is; neither 
do you know that he actually knows the things he claims 
he knows. After all, you have only his statement that 
he knows. The same is also true of all the sciences 
and everything which would come under the name of 
wisdom. They cannot transfer their knowledge to you. 
The critic who writes and talks about art asks us 
to reverence him; not for the thing he makes us know- 
he cannot do that. He wants us to appreciate him for 
the something which he claims he possesses and which 
we lack; and for the life of us we cannot comprehend 
what it is that we lack. When the musical critic tells 
us about the atmosphere and the lights and the shad- 
ows of the "Aria" sung by the great barytone, or when 
the great critic tells us about the sharps, flats, half-notes, 
and symphony which he discovered in the beautiful 
pictures, he has not transferred his beautiful knowl- 
edge to us. We only stand before him with bared 
heads and admire his cleverness; but he has not wis- 
domized us; we did not get smart by hearing his dis- 
course. The more we hear him the smarter he appears 
to us, and the " foolisher '' we feel we are. 



HOW SMART I AM 19 

A critic (after confessing to him that I did not 
know a thing he was talking about), thinking to pacify 
me, once said: "Don't despair, you will yet cultivate 
an appreciation of art." And I wonder if the people 
who have cultivated a taste for olives are any happier 
than I who cannot relish them. If wisdom is great 
from the fact that it satisfies a craving for a cultivated 
desire and not a natural one, then why not cultivate 
the itch for the pleasure of scratching yourself ? 

I have tapped the thought-waves which radiate 
from the greatest minds of the world — the ones living 
as well as the ones who have gone before, and the ones 
who are yet to come — and it does not satisfy me. I 
went to see Bernard Shaw's Candida, and while I 
agree with him that there is plenty of love in the world, 
it is not true that the reason it is manifestless is because 
of its shyness. My heart tells me that the world's 
knowledge stands in the way of the world's love. It 
is the people who know that make it hard for the people 
who don't know, but who feel. 

There are people who know things, and they 
know them because it has been told them by their 
teachers and their parents, and they have records of 
the same from men of the past; and the people who 
have made the records know it to be so because they 
were told by their teachers and their parents, who heard 
it from their teachers and their parents ; and these last 
will in turn impart it to their children and their pupils, 
that they may know the antiquities. They have the 



20 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

records carved in stone to prove that what they say is 
true. They are the wise. They are the people who 
deal in well-established houses which have stood the 
test of time; they are the ones who will not risk being 
taken in or swindled. 

They buy old paintings, old books, old furniture, 
— buy them because they are old and therefore must 
be good. When they purchase anything modem it 
is done only after long discussion and on the judgment 
of the critics — who know all things. 

When they give anything to charity it must be the 
old and well established. They are the foremost in 
charity balls, church fairs, and subscriptions for the 
Red Cross Society. If they give you a subscription 
for something untried and new, they will give it to you 
only on the indorsement of so many other names. 
They will say, "I will subscribe if you will get twenty 
other influential people to do the same." They are 
always afraid to be alone in a thing — always want to 
be with the crowd. They are very careful of their 
actions; it might hurt their social position. In the 
world of ideas they get the oldest ones — and the older 
the better; and they will surely be angry with you if 
you disturb any of their ideas. 

I know that 1 don't know a thing, and this knowl- 
edge is so rooted within me and absolute that even when 
a number of the wise tried to teach me something, I 
found after they were through with me, that they did 
not succeed in convincing me that I know any more 



HOW SMART I AM 21 

than I did before they started to educate me; although 
they did convince me that they themselves not only 
know nothing, but are unreasonable as well; for it 
stands to reason that when a person asserts that a cer- 
tain thing exists, he should furnish proof when called 
upon that the thing he says exists, really exists. When 
a man claims that he has certain knowledge on a certain 
subject, and on the strength of this knowledge he 
wishes to be considered wise, he ought to be ready 
at any time to produce evidence that he is actually the 
possessor of that knowledge. And so, thought I, 
when I asked them for proof, that they would gladly 
furnish it. But they fooled me; which, of course is 
proof that they are fools. Does it not take a galvan- 
izer to galvanize; a wisdomite with a stock of wisdom 
to wisdomize you ? So it takes a fool well supplied 
with foolishness to fool you. They asked me to prove 
that they didn't know the thing they claimed to know. 
While their reasoning is illogical, still it is logical, 
because it takes a person who knows that he knows 
not to impart that knowledge to others; and they in 
turn know not. 

I am an expert in my line. I am awfully proud of 
the knowledge I possess; it is concrete — I can transfer 
it. After I tell you, you too, as well as I, know what 
I know; therefore I can be independent with what I 
know. I do not have to ask you to come to me 
before you go elsewhere; the fact is, I urge you to go 
the rounds before you come to me. After you have 



n THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

swallowed all the others can supply, and consider your- 
self wise, then if you come to me, I will examine you 
and let you show me what it is that you claim to know. 

That I know that I do not know, no one is disputing. 
That I know nothing is granted. The disputed point 
is your claim that you know something; which, of 
course, is not true. You have simply forgotten that 
you do not know; and with my convincing knowledge 
that I do not know, I transfer that knowledge to you, 
by asking you to forget that you have forgotten that 
you do not know; which is equivalent to still not 
knowing. Here is where we stand: I don't know any- 
thing about anything, and I know that I don't know. 
My discussions, therefore, are about things I don't 
know; and as I don't know anything, therefore I 
can discuss anything. You also don't know anything, 
but you think that you know something, which you 
discuss; therefore, you are limited to the thing which 
you think you know. But in reahty you also don't 
know anything and as all of us do not know anything, 
our system of life, which is based on knowledge, is 
faulty, because we have no knowledge to build it on. 

Come, let us reason together. How I got here I 
don't know ! What I am here for I don't know ! Why 
I should not love everything my love wants to love I 
don't know! Why I should not gratify my love 1 
don't know! Why I should make myself believe 
that I know lots of things which in reality I know not 
I don't know! So T admit that I don't know! Why 



HOW SMART I AM 23 

I should worry my head with lots of things I can't use 
I don't know; therefore I don't! Why I should plan 
and scheme a life for myself after I die I don't know; 
therefore I don't! Why I should become patriotic 
and kill people I never saw, or get killed by them, I 
don't know ; therefore I don't ! Why I should reverence 
the opinion of men who don't know any more than I, 
although they say they do, I don't know; therefore 
I don't! Why I, an intellectual parasite, should con- 
sider myself superior to one of the other kind, I don't 
know; therefore I don't! Why I, one kind of a thief, 
should prosecute another, I don't know; therefore I 
don't! Why I, a fool who knows nothing, should 
distrust Life that placed me before all other animals 
of the earth, I don't know; therefore I don't! Since 
I don't know why I should not trust to life, and seeing 
the result of Life's accomplishment without my intel- 
lectual aid, I "let" the Life which is in me, and of 
which I am a part, guide me. Instinctively it im- 
presses me with the finale of the things I need. Of 
course "instinct" is not the proper tool with which 
to forge conclusions in this practical world. The 
intellectual method is to reason from a premise, 
then by degrees get nearer and nearer, and the end 
reached would be the conclusion. Not being intel- 
lectual, I start with the instinctive conclusion; and 
then my intellect takes the step which must be taken 
to bring me to the conclusion already concluded. 
Therein my reasoning is different from the rest of the 



24 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

reasoners' reasoning. But who cares ? — ^the things which 
will make me happy, I seek; the painful ones, I avoid. 

I love because I love to love ! I get pleasure from 
loving, and why should I ask more ? So you see, by 
not pretending to know anything, Life knows me 
better than you know Life by pretending you know 
something which you do not. So I let Life do my work 
— or Life's work, it matters not which it is. The 
whole universe is ready to help me; while you, in 
knowing, everything is against you; and as you do 
not know how to manage Life you are a failure. I am 
happy and you are not. You are afraid while I do 
not know what to fear. Ignorance, you say, is the 
cause of fear. That is not true. Fear is composed 
of unreliable knowledge. You are not afraid of noth- 
ing; you are afraid of something. If that something 
exists, it is then sensing danger, which is not fear; 
when that something does not exist — like ghosts — 
then it is fear; and only people who know and believe 
in ghosts are afraid of them. Not knowing anything 
which is not so, I sense danger, but have no fear. 

I don't worry, neither do I regret. Why should I 
regret ? If I have done something which resulted in 
painful experience, by avoiding repetition I make 
amends. As regretting takes the time which should 
go to make amends, therefore regretting injures instead 
of helps. So, if you really regret, you will not regret, 
but make amends; but if you keep on regretting you 
really don't regret. 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 



A SETTING hen on a quota of duck eggs, by dili- 
gent application to her business, will hatch out 
ducklings. She'll produce you goslings on a cap- 
ital of goose eggs. It's what's inside of the shell that 
will count in the long run. There's some comfort in 
knowing what to expect under given conditions, and 
by understanding the egg law you upholster yourself 
against the hard blows of surprises. 

As you sow so shall you reap. Why should you 
be surprised that we have all about us an element 
that is growing stronger, fiercer, louder — which threat- 
ens to upset all we hold dear to civilization ? 

You do not understand how it befalls that in a 
country like ours, so bountifully freighted by nature 
with all that makes for human well-being, there should 
be discontent rampant. While our workmen have 
each a full dinner-pail, what warrant have they to 
take up with such fads as anarchism, socialism, single- 
taxery, trade-unionism, and the like ? How comes it 
that these ignorant people should allow themselves 
to be swayed by heresies that threaten to undermine the 
peace of society ? Well may we tremble for the future ! 

The "divine right of property" is being impugned; 
27 



28 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the expediency of land-ownership is being challenged; 
our homes are in danger; the family, the very root 
of social cohesion, is threatened; and even the holy 
kitchen stove is in danger! Not an institution exists 
whose raison d'etre is not under scrutiny. 

The wisdom of God — nay, the very existence of 
deity — is questioned, and bold inquiry challenges 
creation. Everywhere society is conscious of peril. 
You see these things and you marvel. Your face has 
a look on it like one standing outside of the grocery 
store trying to recall what it is that he has forgotten. 

How could it be otherwise ? 

What could Laban expect in mutton futures in 
view of the transaction he made with Jacob, his pros- 
pective son-in-law, in the first and second degrees ? 

You remember the story, how the wily old sheep- 
raiser palmed off Leah on the young fellow when it 
was Rachel he was after; and how he had to put in 
seven more strenuous years to pay for Rachel. 

In this old Bible story of Jacob and his dealing 
with Laban is a moral, embodying a lesson for society. 

Jacob's revach (or rake-off, in modern vernacular) 
after Laban had unloaded the ladies upon him, was 
to consist of all the spotted and speckled lambs. 
Rake-off was ever the mother of ingenuity, and Jacob 
promptly discovered a process to induce sheep to 
beget spotted offspring. He tried a game of psycho- 
logic suggestion on the mother sheep during bearing 
time. He set up lines of twigs with the bark peeled 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 



off in spots, which gave the sheep mothers a speckled 
point of view, resulting in a larger than ordinary per- 
centage of off-color lambs. 

This may look like a "dirty Jew trick," which none 
of our best people would countenance, and the discovery 
of such chicanery by any member of the board of 
trade would probably subject him to prompt expul- 
sion, and serve him well right, of course, but what 
could Laban expect ? 

There is an irrefragable law back of Jacob's for- 
mula. 

Whatever ideals you place before sheep of any 
country will secure their respect and adherence. Your 
mudsill may not achieve all that your hero has attained, 
but he will approach as nearly to the ideal as his power 
will admit of his doing. You do not want our low- 
lier classes to be anarchists and communists and 
insurgents, yet you point to the anarchists and com- 
munists and insurgents of other days with fond pride 
and unmistakable admiration. 

We must remodel our Pantheon. There are too 
many speckled twigs in the gallery of fame. Let us 
set Carrie Nation and her redoubtable hatchet to work 
demolishing statues of the disturbers of the peace of 
the world, that our own peace be no longer endangered. 

Can we afford to parade our national heroes as 
examples to our working-classes ? Do we not already 
see the insurgency that such ideals as Washington has 
instilled in the breast of our humble classes ? George 



30 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Washington is our great national hero. But suppose 
we were to rehearse his history in brief, omitting his 
name and the glamour that we associate with it, what 
would we think of such a man to-day ? 

Given a commission in his Britannic Majesty*s 
Colonial Army, he defaulted allegiance to his king over 
so sordid a matter as a trifle of stamp duties. He be- 
came commander-in-chief of an army that was in 
rebellion against the crown under which he had been 
exalted. His triumph consisted in disobedience to 
law, and he became the father of his country, much 
revered by school-children on February 22d, when that 
date does not fall on a Sunday, and on July 4th, when 
it does not rain. With such ideals, there is no wonder 
that some Americans follow his example. 

If Lord Cornwallis had been held up for admira- 
tion, to-day the results would have been far different. 
He was a patriot and a hero. He was a man who 
served his king; he was a true pillar of law and order. 

The life of Washington was one of disobedience 
and treason to his king. The very act of gathering 
his army was treason. His triumph was by breaking 
the law. With Washington as Ideal — what can you 
expect ? 

Come down to John Brown, the hero of Harper's 
Ferry. For the past forty years he has been held up 
before the people for admiration, as a martyr, a lover 
of justice, and a friend of man. What did John Brown 
do ? He deliberately began to form an army and re- 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 31 

lease the negroes, who were the private property of 
many of the nation's best citizens. Defying the power 
of the state and the nation's laws, he entrenched him- 
self in a little building at Harper's Ferry. Surrounded 
by a few staunch friends and the negroes who had fol- 
lowed his lead, they attempted to fight, and succeeded 
in killing a few respectable law-abiding citizens. 
Finally, he was hanged by the neck, the authorities 
punishing him like a common criminal. That same 
John Brown is celebrated in song and in story. 
Children are taught to know of him and to love him; 
and yet, he was a man who defied law and order. 

If such people are held up before the eyes of admir- 
ing youth, do not think these lads will be satisfied 
with things as they are. If you honor rebels and 
law-breakers, what can you expect ? 

Oliver Cromwell, " Old Ironsides," as he was called, 
was a hero. At least the Protestant part of Great 
Britain thinks so to this day. OHver Cromwell hated 
kings and rulers as they then held sway, and was the 
direct cause of one king at least being murdered. 
Cromwell had very little regard, or none at all, for 
the laws of his country. When the British Parlia- 
ment did not suit him he drove it out of doors. He 
went about agitating the people against the existing 
powers of the land. This ended in many bloody bat- 
tles against the rulers. He managed to die in bed, 
but the good people came to their own after his death. 
His ashes were dug up and scattered to the winds. In 



S2 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the land where we find OHver Cromwell held up as 
an ideal, we revolt at the idea of its youth taking 
him as a model. Had the respectable English been 
held up for admiration, or had their representatives 
been thus honored, the result would have been far 
different. But with Cromwell as the guiding-star, 
what can you expect ? 

Or revert to the illustrious figures of long gone. 

Take Moses, for instance, the great ideal of the 
Jews. Place him under the intellectual microscope. 
Moses did not have a spark of refinement. He was 
an ingrate of the worst kind, and a trickster. He had 
even committed murder. Just consider his true his- 
tory. A foundling who had been left in a place where 
fashionable people were accustomed to bathe, was dis- 
covered by the beautiful and accomplished daughter 
of the noble King Pharaoh as she was going for a 
swim, and saw the child lying in the bullrushes play- 
ing with his toes. Instead of calling a policeman and 
having the baby taken to an orphan asylum, she bade 
her maid-in-waiting to bring it to her. Taking it to 
her own bosom, she bore it to the royal palace, and 
called the royal help to assist her in bringing him up. 
Thus she gave Moses every advantage which a home 
at court could provide. He throve well and grew 
strong under this excellent care. This lad sat at the 
king's table, slept in a bed provided by the king, and 
his clothes were selected from the royal wardrobe. He 
was sent to the king's school, and doubtless played 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 33 

foot-ball in the king's team. One would think that 
Moses would have been grateful for all this kindness, 
and that nothing would be too hard a task for him to 
do in the service of the king and his daughter. 

Suppose you take the story of Moses, omitting the 
names of the parties, and then submit it with this 
question to our wise men: "If a man had been 
treated thus, what ought he to do ?" Give us your 
opinion as to the answer you suppose you would re- 
ceive. 

Tell us what the wise men of the universities and 
the big salaried priests would say to this question. 

"Why," they would all say, "a man should 
sacrifice his life for his benefactors." Now, how did 
Moses repay for all these benefactions ? He began by 
fraternizing with the hoodlums of society. He mingled 
with the workers in the king's brickyard, and created 
disturbances, becoming one of the lowest kinds of 
labor agitators, and adopting the methods of a curb- 
stone orator. The opportunity of his life was for him 
to become a member in the cabinet of Pharaoh. He 
could have had an important secretaryship had he 
chosen so brilliant a career, for Moses had brains, 
though they went wrong I would say; for rather than 
to stand in high places, he chose to cast his fortune 
with slaves, the scum of Egypt. Finally he organized 
this scum into a mob, borrowed jewels of the Egyptian 
society people, then sneaked away, followed by all his 
dirty and tattered friends. This man Moses is the 



34 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

patron saint held up as the great law-giver before the 
Jews and Christians of to-day. 

To get the results that you desire you should hold 
up as ideals Pharaoh and his daughter. Hold them 
up with the smart set; hold them up with the priests 
and the charity associations of these times. If you 
hold up that man Moses as an ideal, what can you 
expect ? 

Another example is that of Jesus, whom we hold 
up as an ideal, yet whose principles and practices 
would be regarded as scandalous if introduced into 
public and private life to-day. Born without a claim 
of legal paternity, his cradle was a manger in a stable; 
allowed to grow up in the streets and run around the 
country like a tramp, leaving home again and again, 
causing his mother no end of worry and anxiety. 

He discussed anarchism and socialism with a fluent 
tongue, and confused the elders wherever he went. 
He stirred up discontent and subsequent disorder. 
He laughed at the laws and customs of his land, and 
by his clear-cut oratory he drew to himself a number 
of followers, who, like himself, went about fomenting 
disorder among the people. 

The priests and the ruling classes, horrified by his 
attitude and presumption, saw clearly that his doc- 
trines were subversive not only of the status quo, but 
of all right and justice whatever. He was warned time 
and again to behave, yet he did not heed the warn- 
ing, but kept right on with his treasonable teachings. 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 35 

The common people heard him gladly, though it may 
be said to the credit of the upper classes that few of 
them ever attended his seditious gatherings. The bet- 
ter elements of society saved the country, and they 
nailed Jesus to the cross between two thieves. Thus 
history vindicated itself in advance by giving us a 
good working plan for our treatment of the Haymarket 
tragedy of Chicago. 

And we persist in holding up as an ideal before 
the young and impressionable of our day a man who 
in his time was a criminal and ignominiously put to 
death by the priests and the respectable element of 
his age. Did we hold up Pilate and Caiaphas as 
models we would be acting logically, as they were 
representatives of the best society of the times, just as 
the same pattern is in our own day. But if you 
hold up such a man as Jesus for the admiration of the 
plastic mind of our unenlightened, what can you expect ? 

You must not poison the mind of the child with 
the ideas of anarchism. The brain of a child is mag- 
netic. It holds fast to its impressions. If you wish 
a contented, leave-me-alone, stand-pat kind of a world, 
change your ideals. 

The revolutionists of the past are the result of the 
ideals held before the people. 

You must stop inoculating the minds of the people 
with ideals exalting insurgency and anarchism if you 
would be spared the rational results of such teachings, 
or you may continue worshiping the ideals, if you hke 



36 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

in which case, expect not that you can gather figs from 
thistles. If you sow the wind you have no right to 
expect to be spared the whirlwind. 

Those whom we hold up to be honored will be 
honored. If we do not want to establish the unworthy, 
why do we not rather extol those who never break the 
laws of their country 'i Why do we not teach our 
youth to revere the men and women whose whole 
object in life is to do what others do ? This discon- 
tented mob which threatens society is the fruit of the 
ideals in the minds of to-day. We should not wonder 
at its existence, but should rather look to its causes 
and understand them. Now, what can you expect ? 

And you, discontented hoodlum, what are you 
whining and crying about — the rich oppressing you ^ 

You of the dissatisfied element, I cannot see where 
you have a kick coming! You make the solemn 
declaration that you want a thing, and when you get 
it you grumble that you have got it. What do you 
want anyway ? 

If I would declare that I believe that standing in 
the way of an irresistible force means death, and that 
I was far too young, good-looking, or for other reasons 
known to myself, I did not wish to die yet, and if by 
accident I happen to get in the way of this terrible 
force, and some one would pull me away from my 
dangerous position, should I be angry with him .? No, 
I should be thankful and appreciative. For it was he 
who saved my life! 



WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? 37 

My Christian friends, the way to salvation you have 
declared, is that if your coat is taken by any one to 
give him the overcoat also; if you are smitten on one 
cheek, turn the other to be struck as well; if you are 
made to walk a mile, to walk another just to show 
that there are no hard feelings on your part. 

These are the things you declare you will have to 
do in order to get yourself into the Kingdom of Heaven. 
By the money and energy which you spend in placing 
your wisdom and knowledge among the savages, by 
the large salaries you spend for the pious to induce 
them to become your spiritual guides, and by the way 
you support all of those institutions, you give evidence 
that you are very anxious to be saved. And when an 
opportunity is offered you to make good and you are 
not there, it looks like a bluff on your part, for if you 
meant what you said you would be thankful to the 
man who compels you to give him your overcoat when 
he has taken your coat and you have forgotten to give 
it to him yourself. He shows that he loves you, or else 
he would not take the interest in you to save you. Yes, 
you should be very grateful to him, but you know that 
you are professing ideals that you will not live. You 
know that if one smite you on one cheek, you will turn 
the other in order to spy out a policeman to take your 
assailant to the lock-up, and you will appear against 
him in the police court next morning full of zeal to 
have the fellow severely punished. Thus you miss 
opportunities to put into actual operation the very 



38 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

maxims you pretend to admire. And you punish the 
person who gave you the chance to Hve up to your ideal. 
The fact is that you have no ideals. You talk 
about them glibly, but you are false in fact to every- 
thing you profess. Prepare then for the cataclysm! 
What else can you expect ? 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 



IF you wish to be on the ground floor get wisdom, 
because wisdom is the ground floor and every- 
thing in civiHzation rests on it. Wisdom begets 
wisdom. Therefore the wisdomites are the only ones 
who can wisdomize you. They will do it either by 
getting you a degree, by converting you, or by getting 
you a political job. It is honorable to be wise. The 
wise are sought after at dinners and public gatherings, 
are also invited to head a club list and become honor- 
ary members therein. Their opinion is sought after 
by com doctors, patent medicine men, women's clubs, 
and other organizations which work for the uplifting 
of mankind. 

Education, ethics, and law are the fountain trinity 
whence wisdom flows. While they each have a chan- 
nel and a distinct field of operation of their own, their 
work is very closely allied. Their work so blends and 
overlaps that one cannot tell where the work of each 
begins or ends. So they encroach on each other's 
fields at times, but as they are not members of any 
labor unions, it is permissible. 

Wisdom is great! It is constantly misunderstood 
because of its greatness. While we, too, would like to 

41 



42 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

be wise, and we applaud wisdom, yet the wisdom of 
the wise is a mystery to us — we do not understand 
the why and wherefore. Professor Triggs, when told 
that the "Women's Aid" complained that they could 
not understand what he was driving at, in a lecture he 
delivered to them, replied, "The lecture was too 
deep; I guess I talk over their heads." By that he 
meant that they were not wise enough to understand 
him. While I confess that even I am not yet initiated 
in its mystery, yet I feel myself capable of explaining 
why wisdom is not understood. While it is so per- 
fectly clear and comprehensible to the wise, yet it is 
a foreign language to us. This I believe will ex- 
plain it. The masses (myself included) are ignorant 
of the premise on which wisdom rests. We do not 
understand the universal scheme. What puzzles us is 
the confusion with which life works through its varied 
organisms. I do not see why each organism in life 
should be guided by the life within itself, while man 
needs a guide apart from the life which is in him, 
and yet depends on life in another self. Why should 
every being guide its own individual life and leave 
others to guide their own, while man guides other 
men's lives and neglects his own. In other words, why 
should every being mind its own business, and man 
mind everybody's business except his own ? A flower, 
a tree, an insect, the animal and the fool, each comes into 
being and reaches its end, without effort or restraint 
on its part. It seems a flower gets pleasure from the 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 43 

blooming, a tree gets joy in its growth. From the 
time the seed takes root till it sprouts and until it has 
completed its growth, all is accomplished without 
resistance. It finds its happiness in its transforma- 
tion. While growing it is traveling on the road of 
pleasure — the easy road. 

A bronco roaming wild is thriving on the gratifi- 
cation of its heart's desires. It resents the restraint of 
being put into harness. It kicks, bites, and does 
everything in its power to keep its freedom, to live a 
happy bronco life. But a stronger force enslaves it 
and compels it to do things it does not like to do. Man, 
by conquering, subduing, and placing a bit in the 
bronco's mouth, makes it obey him because it is then 
easier for the horse to go in the direction led than 
otherwise and get his jaws hurt. We understand that 
much of it. What we do not understand is why it 
does not work the same with man. Why does not 
life direct man and make his evolution a matter of 
joy, and if life could not do that, then why did not life 
create a stronger force than man to take charge of 
him, and, as with the bronco, have a bit placed in his 
mouth. Even that would be more simply understood 
than the explanation which the wise have given us. 
They say that man's desires for pleasure are bent in 
the wrong channel. If he would follow them he 
would be doomed. If he would follow his inclination 
he would stunt his own growth, and since he likes to 
be wise, he does not need a superior force to subdue 



44 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

him. He supplies the power to other beings Hke him- 
self to make him do that which he does not like to 
do. Here the wisdomites get in their work. (You 
can interpret that sentence more than one way.) They 
come and save us from the awful peril which confronts 
us. They begin with us when we are still children, and 
keep it up until we become perfected and enrolled in 
the wisdomites' camp; or if we are so unfortunate as 
not to be successful in our examination, they do not 
forsake us, but keep us under their guidance till we 
die. And even then we are not sure that we are saved ; 
we might go to hell after all. 

It is so hard to become perfect. The road to 
destruction is so broad and easy. The temptations 
and possibilities to fail are so great that few escape 
it. Narrow is the path and full of obstacles to virtue 
and perfection. The possibilities of failure are large. 
It is necessary, nay it is the duty of the wise, to safe- 
guard the individual by making rules and counter- 
rules for our guidance. The rules are so conflicting 
that it makes it difiicult to master them. I, too, once 
thought that I could make a rule, and like Buster 
Brown, I got into trouble. (Unless you are wise you 
cannot make any rule that will hold good.) I thought 
it to be the principle of the wise that it is evil to gratify 
one's desires. So when mother sent dainties to my 
teacher (she loved the stuff mother made, she said), in 
order to save the teacher from evil, I ate the dainties. 
When she found it out she taught me a lesson that 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 45 

convinced me that my logic was wrong. Incidentally I 
was convinced that I am incapable of making rules 
for guidance; and that I must constantly consult the 
oracle as to which is the right thing to do and which is 
not. 

All the fountain channels of wisdom proceed from 
love. It is preached everywhere. They tell us to 
love the good, the true, and the beautiful. Then they 
tell us what is truth, what is good, and what is beauti- 
ful. After that they tell us what love is. The analyst 
will read our books for us and tell us whether it is 
wise for us to read them. If he finds in the book any- 
thing that will contaminate us he warns us against it. 
Or he will see a play for us and instruct us whether 
to see or avoid it. I have not yet been able to dis- 
cover how the wise himself keeps from being inocu- 
lated by a bad book or an unworthy play; and if he 
be infected, then I should be chary of accepting his 
advice. Indeed, I think there must be many like me, 
who, on being warned against a book or a play, insist 
on seeing it for themselves. Perhaps this accounts for 
the large sales of bad books and the big crowds that 
attend the production of wicked plays. It is surpris- 
ing to see how wise the wise are. They can even tell 
your thoughts, and if your thoughts do not agree with 
what they tell you you think, then you think wrong, 
and have to change them. 

The mass would say that the author of a book 
wrote what he meant and meant what he wrote, and 



46 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

let it go at that; but the ones who know, say that the 
man who wrote the book did not mean what he said 
he meant, but he meant what he did not say. 

Take, as one example, the Songs of Solomon. The 
masses read this book and think that Solomon meant 
what he said. They think it is a beautiful love-song, 
wherein the passionate lover gives full sway to his 
feelings. A song which, if properly treated, would come 
under the ban of the Puritan Comstock, and should 
be excluded from the United States Puritan mail. Any 
woman who loves and is loved will know that Solo- 
mon sang to the woman who was first in his heart, 
rejoicing in her beauty, and that he did not hesitate to 
catalogue her charms melodiously and eloquently. No 
wonder his wooing was so effective. 

When Solomon speaks of the loved one's eyes, he 
means real eyes — eyes that you see with. When he 
speaks of the loved one's breasts, "Thy two breasts 
are like two roses that are twins," he means breasts of 
flesh. 

How natural that song sounds. Many times I 
felt bewildered like Solomon in his song, when he 
wondered what to do with his little sister. One 
senses one's feelings described in the Song of Solomon, 
even though one never cared whether the gentiles came 
to the church or stayed away. The wise say that the 
whole song is symbolic. I have not been able thus 
far to discover what Solomon did mean, as the wise 
men are divided on that subject. Some say he meant 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 47 

a church; others he meant Jerusalem; still others that 
he sings to the Jews. But they all agree that Solomon 
did not mean what he meant. 

The fact is so plainly seen that Solomon could 
mean most anything except what he said. Whereby 
we learn that the wise know the thoughts of others 
better than they who think the thoughts. 

There is another set of wise people, whom at first 
I did not think wise, but after further acquaintance I 
concluded that I was mistaken, and that they were 
wise after all. They belong to the Tolstoi school. 
Like fish, wisdom goes in schools. We have the 
Hamilton, the Jefferson, the Jesus, with its different 
branches; the Bakunian, the Karl Marx, the Tucker, 
the Darwin, the Spencer, the Huxley, the Thomas 
Paine, and the Franklin school — and there is wisdom 
in all of them. The reason for my thinking that this 
wise man is not wise is because I thought I under- 
stood him — he said that all the other wise people are 
not wise at all. I agreed with him that the univer- 
sities are the hirelings of the rich, and that there is a 
conspiracy between them to keep the masses in slav- 
ery. The churches he claims are kept up by the same 
class, and are not religious at all. I assented. Instead 
of " resist not evil," which is the foundation of Chris- 
tianity, the leaders in the church are foremost in or- 
ganizing anti-vice crusades, capture and oppress the 
poor thief, and reward the rich one. I also under- 
stood. The solution to the chaotic condition, he said. 



48 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

is not to judge anybody, and have the rich get off the 
backs of mankind. All this was perfectly clear to me. 
All this wise man asked was to be made a leader, so 
that he might straighten things out. I did not quite 
understand that, but I did not care, as all the rest of 
the things which I felt, he said he felt, and said them 
so beautifully that I thought it was myself talking, and 
for feeling like myself he would be as unwise as my- 
self, but after getting better acquainted with him, I 
discovered my error, and gladly take the opportunity 
to apologize for the unjust thought which came to my 
mind. His acts are as mysterious as are those of the 
wisest. He practices the things which he condemns. 
He is first to judge, and he is most considerate of his 
reputation. He will come to the call of justice only 
when it calls with a respectable retainer. He will not 
stand alone, because he cannot afford it. And as for 
getting off people's backs, he is on them with both 
feet. He refuses to play with me, because he says that 
he judged me and found me wanting, and that I was 
not sincere in the game. He who confesses that he is 
a parasite and a robber like myself refuses to asso- 
ciate with me because I am a hypocrite like himself. 
I have no objection to him as a playmate, why should 
he object to me ? In psychologizing this one I dis- 
covered that he feels keenly the woes of the universe; 
and he is so impressed nevertheless with his own great- 
ness that he eliminates the woes of the world by taking 
care of the world, which is himself. It is the same old 



ON THE GROUND FLOOR 49 

game, with a new label — the non-resistance label — 
and it takes pretty well. 

Therefore I conclude that while I cannot explain 
any code of action to be wise (I cannot even say that 
the things I think I really think, or just think I think 
them; and really think something else which I don't 
think). I know this much, that we fools are not to 
be sneered at. It is we that furnish the opportunity 
for the wise to show their wisdom. 



THE MAN TO BE 



THE MAN TO BE 



SOME of the wisest may know why it is that the 
end of a school term is called the "commence- 
ment." Being a fool I admit that I do not 
know, and I don't believe that even ordinarily wise 
folk know. But that has nothing to do with the case; 
the case being that at high school and college com- 
mencements there are usually many or few essays read 
by enlightened students. 

I attended one of those ending commencements, 
and one of the wisdomized students read an essay on 
"Whither are We Drifting .? " 

After explaining that wonderful change which will 
take place in the next twenty years in all the sciences 
— that we will travel to Mars by airships and our food 
will consist of tablets, to save the stomach work — he 
came in his discourse to man himself. The popula- 
tion in the cities will increase an hundred-fold and we 
will become more specialized than ever before, was 
his theme. After the exercises luncheon was served 
to the elect, and there the merits of the different 
essays were discussed. They all agreed that the 
paper on " Whither are We Drifting ? " was the most 
scientific. They called the young student a seer, and 

53 



54 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

agreed that there can be no question that man will 
become more specialized than ever. Instead of eight 
men making a pair of shoes, as it now takes, in the 
future it will take forty; that in all the walks of life, 
in all vocations, things will be more divided and 
specialized. 

"We are living in an age of specialization," they 
said, *' and surely we will not go backward ; we will go 
forward." 

As usual the wise do not agree with me, but never- 
theless, I am convinced that the coming man will be 
a consolidated man. Please observe the trend of 
man's endeavor, and note the results. He started with 
the conception of things as a whole, and all things 
divine. He [worshiped the sun, the moon, and the 
stars, the trees and the creative function, whether by 
symbol or in action — everything was God. That 
was the Golden Age of his joy. Then the wise men 
appeared and "analyzed God." They really had no 
other claim to be wise than the discovery of good and 
evil and the work of separating them. The office of 
"wise man" maintains its pristine purpose with pro- 
fessional purity unto the present time. He began 
specializing — dividing things into parts. He spe- 
cialized God and put him in heaven above; he special- 
ized the devil and put him in hell below. But life 
revenged itself on the specializer, and in turn man, 
the specializer, became specialized. And now, when 
it seems that things are coming to their oneness 



THE MAN TO BE 55 

once more, man too, will consolidate himself and be- 
come a complete man. 

The wise, having analyzed the Universe, have 
cautioned the multitude against worshiping that which 
his priest disapproved. So it came to be that we 
"drifted" into specialization. We placed God in the 
"heavenly bodies," and all the rest of creation were 
the world and the flesh, and these were of another 
God, the devil by name. The priest himself was the 
earliest to experience the revenge that time works to 
the meddling wise. The priestly function had been 
symmetrically composite. The priest was mentor, 
tutor, doctor, lawyer, judge, politician, philosopher, 
administrator, and executioner. The fine works of 
art were made and preserved by religious bodies. 
Gradually differentiation sheared one after another of 
these prerogatives from him, until there is little left 
him but his fantastic vestments, and even these are 
disappearing. We used to take our medicine and ad- 
vice from the priests. Who now would stoop to do 
him such reverence ? No one takes the priest seri- 
ously in these days. We pretend that we go to him 
to cure our souls, but we'd like to see ourselves permit 
him to monkey with our Hver, sit on juries, purvey our 
diet, or obtrude his general boredom on us as of yore. 

It is true that we have become specialized under 
the tutelage of our wisest, but the Man to Be will have 
other ideals, and he will scorn to be a part of a man. 

Observe the distributing side of our commercial 



56 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

life. Formerly, when we went to market we found 
all kinds of commodities under one roof. The same 
man sold plows, pins, calico, bacon, hair-oil, tape, 
and what not ? Then differentiation became the order 
of the day. We went to the hatter for our hats, and 
to the druggist for our pills, and to the butcher for our 
raw meat, and to the deUcatessen shop for our cooked 
meats. 

A man devoting his time to one article becomes 
perfect in his relation to his specialty. He learned 
everything about it with the result of better satisfac- 
tion, more value to the consumer, and more profit to 
himself. After it became perfect by specialization — 
when the function of speciahzation has brought the 
improvements required of it — consolidation takes its 
place. We have now what is called the department 
store. A specialistic consolidation. Although resem- 
bling the market of old, it is a forward step; it is the 
perfectness of the specialist with the advantage of co- 
operation. 

In the shop the smith made knives, wagons; all 
things wrought in iron and steel were made there. 
The next step was to specialize and to perfect each thing. 
Fortunes were made in the manufacture of screws, 
bolts, and sundry "parts." Each part has become 
perfect by specialization — consolidation is the result; 
the great machine shops now make all the material 
for their own consumption. The same is true in agri- 
culture. Starting out with a general farm, with its 



THE MAN TO BE 57 

many grains, fruits, and meats, the specializer comes 
with the stock farm, the dairy-farm, and truck-farm. 
Now consolidation takes place even there. 

The man in mediaeval times, when gods were in 
full swing, was a man who used his head, his hands, 
and his heart. He was a complete man. Then the 
specialist came. The schools and colleges have taken 
men's heads; the church and the ethical societies have 
taken man's heart; the factory has taken his hands; 
with the result that hell is full of headless and hand- 
less people, sent there by the theologians. The grave- 
yards are crowded with heartless and handless stu- 
dents, sent there by the dry, economic philosophy of 
our professors. The earth has been paved with bones 
and bathed with the blood of the workingman, slaugh- 
tered by his own kind, because they have not used 
their heads nor their hearts. Others have done the 
thinking for them. The specialists have done their 
work — man has become perfect in each of his parts. 
I am looking for the consolidation of the perfect parts 
of man. I am looking for the restoration of head and 
heart to the brainless worker in the factory and he will 
become an intellectual giant. The theologian will also 
be a useful member in society when he uses his hands. 
To be a laborer will be the sole patent of nobility, and 
the pedant, the pedagogue, and the professor will 
pocket his pride, purge himself of his pretensions, and 
become a producer instead of a parasite. 

Then we will be like children of one household. 



58 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

departing from the family roof in the morning. Some 
go to pick berries, others to catch fish, others to till 
the soil. Some in the workshops, some in the mines, 
with the freedom to work at what pleases us, and to 
change from one work to another if we choose. At 
eventide there will be a gathering of those who have 
each performed his allotted task — a union of the 
scattered tribes. And it is then, when all the various 
members come together once more in the joy of hav- 
ing rendered each a service to each, that the day is 
done. Any fool could read this lesson to the wisest, 
but so overawed have we fools allowed ourselves to 
become under the domineering masterfulness of the 
wise, that only rarely will the fool trust himself to " sass 
back." I wonder if I am a rare fool ? 



SUCCESS 



SUCCESS 



WHOSO has achieved the purpose or has ob- 
tained the thing that he desires has at- 
tained Success. 

There be wise ones who say that success has been 
cornered and monopoHzed and opportunities are slen- 
dering. There are still others who assure us that they 
have a formula; that the "greedy rich" have not the 
monopoly that envy attributes to them. There be 
socialists, anarchists, disciples of Henry George, of 
John Alexander Dowie, and Ella Wheeler Wilcox, who 
have prescriptions warranted to transplant one from 
Rag Alley to the desirable side of Easy Street. When 
you get through taking their nostrums step around to 
the fool's office and let her enlighten you. 

Success is within you, I say. The attainment of 
your ideal is success ; if not, then what is .^ Blame no 
one (even yourself) if you fail in the realization of 
your ideal. You get what you want if you want it. 

I do not pretend to have a hard-and-fast definition 
of success, that can be photographed and sent on 
application for inspection and approval. 

" He has made a success who has obtained the ful- 
fillment of his strongest desire." 

61 



62 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Do not permit the supernally wise to dissuade you 
by interposing some other interpretation of success. 
Neither heed the successful man's advice, for unless 
you fail he cannot succeed, hence his advice is for his 
and not your success. Take a fool's advice and shun 
those who would dazzle you with a description that 
does not apply to an achievement of the real thing 
which you most desire. 

Why should you delude yourself with chasing after 
something you don't want, because a sage has told you 
that it is that which you ought to want ? Your own 
ideal is clear enough. You do not require the medi- 
cine men of your tribe to concoct ideals for you. You 
have a multitudinous stock of desires on hand. Make 
your selection. Set the chosen one on a pinnacle and 
have no other gods before it. 

Fame, wealth, happiness, revenge, notoriety, or 
any other ideal that you set up in the holiest sanctu- 
ary, is yours if you prove faithful to it. 

Whatever your desire is you shall have. But you 
must not seek to dictate by what processes it wiU 
answer your call. You must be prepared to take it 
by whatever route it arrives. 

The price that has always been paid (there are no 
deadheads on the roster) is the submergence of every 
aim but the achievement of the ideal. You cannot 
serve two masters; you cannot have two ideals. The 
cost is marked in plain figures; it is fixed and invari- 
able. There are no rebates, no free-list, no slipping 



SUCCESS 63 

under the canvas. If you want a thing you must 
strip yourself of all other purposes than that of obtain- 
ing that thing. You must conquer every craving, kill 
every desire, stifle every call, but the clamor of "get 
there!" 

All that is dear to you must be held in readiness to 
be given in exchange. The love of parents and chil- 
dren, your compassion with the widowed and the 
fatherless, your virtue and comfort, and all else that 
you have held dear must be sacrificed on the altar of 
your ideal. There must be no looking back, lest you 
become a pillar of salt. However, if it is what you 
most desire you will not count the cost too great. If 
you falter at the cost, if you find there is something 
you won't give in payment for your ideal, you have 
been mistaken in your ideal; that something which 
you hold back is your ideal. 

You have heard your dearest friend say that she 
would give anything to be rid of her bad temper. 
She thinks amiability is her ideal. But you will dis- 
cover that she has not selected her strongest ideal with 
discrimination, for she is not ready to give every- 
thing for her ideal of a good temper. She is willing 
to give everything except her bad temper. She is not 
willing to pay the price. Then why should she be 
favored ? Why should a law be violated in her espe- 
cial behalf by giving her something she don't want ? 
Her bad temper is her ideal. You are convinced that 
you must obey the laws of symmetry, gravity, and pro- 



64 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

portion in construction. You get tools and instruments 
to make sure that you may not go astray; even in mak- 
ing mud pies you observe the mud law. Then why 
should you think that you can get a free pass to suc- 
cess ? 

The price of success is all, even life! To give 
one's hfe for one's ideal is a privilege which only the 
earnest seeker of the ideal may enjoy. 

Life means death anyway. Then why should you 
waste it on anything except in the payment for suc- 
cess ? Whosoever makes his life serve his ideal, saves 
it in giving. To give your life for your ideal means 
that you have not lived in vain; that your life has been 
sold in the best market and the highest price has been 
realized. To die for one's ideal means to be bom 
again. 

Examine the successful, and note how true they 
have been to their god. Observe W-rr-n Spr-ng-r, he 
is in nowise distressed because ramshackle old buildings 
and decrepit second-hand elevators contribute to his 
ideal. Nor do the McC-rm-cks permit any twinges 
because labor troubles lead to the killing of a few men 
and the hanging of anarchists. The occasional burn- 
ing of an oil well are not episodes of a disturbance to 
the R-ck-f-U-r ideal. 

Consult not the heart when you are on the success 
path. (Except when your ideal is happiness, you will 
find no happiness outside of your heart.) 

"Mine and Thine" is an intellectual philosophy. 



SUCCESS 65 



The heart has nothing to do with it. The heart says 
Give and the mind says Get. Get success, is an in- 
tellectual proposition. This probably explains the 
reasons of the different degrees of success. It appears 
that W-rr-n Spr-ng-r's mental equipment is inferior 
to the R-ck- f-ll-rs and the McC-rm-ck thought 
magazine. 

Know also, that you must have an earnest con- 
viction that the thing you lust for is a primary object. 
My fool formula will not work in a confusion of second- 
aries. See to it that you have not given the highest 
seat in the synagogue to a mere adjunct. Be sure 
that the thing you want is desired for itself, and not as 
a means of securing some other end, else there will be 
the disappointment of getting the thing you thought 
in your mind you wanted, rather than the real thing 
for which the heart lusted. 

One estimable old friend assured me that he wanted 
a million or two. " Not for myself," he insisted, *' but 
that I may give it to the suffering poor." 

"Then," said I, "it will be quite the same if I 
were to get the million and distribute it in accord- 
ance with your schedule." But it wasn't the same at 
all. He wanted to be a benefactor. Not a blame- 
worthy ideal, but quite different from what he thought 
until the test was applied. 

No matter what your desires may be, the satisfac- 
tion of them depends on other people. Hence you 
must be circumspect in the selection of those you use; 



66 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

you must see that none of them have any survival of 
heart. If you have not sufficient intellect of your own 
to guide you, do not despair. Let that be the least of 
your troubles. There are many who are eager to 
render the sort of service you require. But see that 
the intellect you enlist is simon-pure, and then let the 
substitute be your guide. Obey orders without stray- 
ing from the path. If you play your part well your 
intellectual bankruptcy will not be detected. Woe to 
you if you are not true to the intellectual manager! 
Society will condone anything if intellect stands guard 
to set you right, but intellectual insolvency is never for- 
given. 

Remember, it is sometimes wise to appear foolish; 
do not indulge in asking questions — for often there 
are no answers. And sometimes it is necessary to 
back up to get a better start. 

It is essential to have public approval while we are 
on the success path. It is indispensable! It is so 
easy to secure the approbation of the public that one 
is not justified in attempts to defy public opinion un- 
less your ideal be love of justice. In such case public 
opinion be hanged! Public opinion for revenge will 
hang you, but your ideals will survive the gallows 
and the cross. Public opinion can be molded by 
the press. Arson will be condoned if there is a 
spice of adventure in burning down a distillery, or 
blowing up an oil well, to say nothing of wrecking 
banks and corporations. Robbery by rebates and 



SUCCESS 67 

other discriminations presents no difficulties; and mur- 
der, if we can procure it by the militia or the hang- 
man, is respectable. These diversions are incidents 
of success, and comport with the ideal in whose service 
they are enlisted. 

You will have to join the Combine of Modem 
Saints. A gift now and then to a hospital, church, or 
libraries and social settlements when in season, also 
have their appointed time; and occasionally art is quite 
the vogue. 

The people will give you anything you want if 
you'll but ask in the right way. They care not if 
you kill some of them, or rob them all, but do it beau- 
tifully. They will prove loyal if your rapacities are 
cloaked with "Law and Order" and your misdemean- 
ors tagged "virtue." They will let you denude them if 
you accomplish it in the name of civilization. 

Be true to the esprit de corps of success. No man 
can be successful enough to stand alone. Only the 
success of failure can indulge that luxury. And above 
all, avoid any tendency to being natural. You will fail 
if you allow love any play. Nevertheless, at times you 
are expected to manifest symptoms of love. This entails 
the necessity of becoming an imitator. A good article 
of make-believe will be effective as the genuine in the 
atmosphere in which your lot is cast. The moment 
you yield to love you have failed; success will tolerate 
but one God. 

Let me repeat: If you be an earnest seeker for 



68 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

success, your heart must be dead and the whole cam- 
paign shifted to the intellect. That, too, is dead, but 
the intellect being wise is too wise to know of the dead- 
ness of its death. It continues in galvanic imitation of 
life. One Chicago millionaire has been dead for forty 
years, but so excellently galvanized is he, that the ad- 
ministration on his estate is postponed from day to 
day. When seen in his automobile only last week he 
had a very natural, life-like look in his eyes, but the 
death grip on his wallet emitted the odors of the tomb. 
This essay is not written for the benefit of the wise 
in order to convince them of the efficacy of chan- 
ging their ideal. They will not accept my foolishness 
any more than I will bow down before their wisdom. 
It is the ideal of the wise to establish ideals for others. 
Let them air their wisdom. They, too, have a prov- 
ince in this world of many mansions. I do not be- 
grudge them the space they cumber, nor do I commis- 
erate the victims of their wisdom. Not that it is my 
ideal to decry the wondrous wise! That is a bit of 
en passant by-play with which I amuse myself while 
resting for intervals in the pursuit of my central ideal. 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 



WHILE trying on shoes at a shop one morn- 
ing I was meditating on the nature of 
problems, and why it was that I had none 
to solve, and was not even sure that I would recognize 
one should I encounter it in my rambles. Presently I 
heard myself asking, " What is a problem ? " and the 
clerk, probably thinking that the question had been ad- 
dressed to him, replied: 

"A problem, miss, is to get a number six foot in a 
number three shoe. The way I've seen it solved seems 
satisfactory. The last place I worked we used to 
mark down shoes on bargain Fridays. I was new at 
the place when I learned about problems. I asked 
the manager one Thursday night how much to mark 
down our neat six-dollar gaiters. The manager in- 
structed me to put up a sign, * Shoes marked down 
one-half.' Then he directed me to mark down the 
size accordingly, and not bother about the price at all." 

"We don't do such things in this house," he went 
on to state, seeing that I was more interested in prob- 
lems at the moment than in footgear, "but at that 
place we used to tell our customer we were not sure 
that we had anything in stock quite small enough to 

71 



72 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

fit her, unless perhaps a couple of pairs we happen to 
have in stock that were ordered especially for Cin- 
derella (but proved a trifle snug) might serve. We 
rarely failed to solve the problem that way." 

While I was down at the farm, I heard a great 
commotion in the direction of the sty one morning. 
Investigation showed that two fat pigs were lying in 
the trough, and the remainder of the drove were ex- 
claiming against that bit of pre-emption with more 
vehemence than euphony. 

I asked the assembled disputants the cause of the 
uproar, and was given to understand that they were 
discussing the problems of life. I asked them what 
were the problems of life, and they said that the 
pigs on the outside wanted to get on the inside. I 
asked why they did not let them in, and a great big fat 
hog said: 

"We have natural rights to life, liberty, and the 
pursuit of happiness"; and all pigdom squealed: 

"We have natural rights to life, liberty, and the 
pursuit of happiness." 

"And the object of life is not swill," said the hog on 
the inside. 

"And the object of life is not swill," responded the 
pigs on the outside. 

"We have a right to free assembly and free grunts," 
said the hog on the inside. 

"We have a right to free assembly and free grunts," 
they all grunted. 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 73 

"We must restrain our piggish nature," he said. 

"We must restrain our piggish nature,'* the echo 
repHed. 

And the pigs on the outside were on the outside, and 
the pigs on the inside were on the inside. 

My intention was to write a chapter on the Phi- 
losophy of Pigville. You see we have books on almost 
everything except the pig. Our younger brother is 
being awfully neglected, though there is much to say 
and write on pigs. Carlyle says they are so human. 
Yet there are some points of difference between the 
swine and the human species. I have seen "gentlemen" 
who were said to be "as drunk as a hog," but I have 
never seen a pig as *'drunk as a gentleman." 

On the surface it appears that all you can say 
about pigs is swill, but swill is only a small part. There 
is the religion of the pigs; the political economy of the 
hog; there is the educated pig — he must not be neglected; 
then there is a pig morality — ^why should not our dear 
little brother have a morahty ? I studied them closely 
and discovered that they have no monogamistic mar- 
riages, and I asked them why they practiced polygamy. 
The reply was that to do elsewise would interfere with 
the stock market, and anything that interferes with the 
stock market is a crime. The same old sow suggested 
that I should solve their economic problems. So I 
called them together and said to them : 

"You are pigs, and have pig natures; it is a mis- 
take for you to restrain your pig nature. You really 



74 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

never do it, but only make a piggish bluff at repression, 
which reduces the volume of your lard and the delicacy 
of flavor of your hams. Being pigs you should be 
candid in your lives. Your natures demand that you 
root, feed, love, serve and reproduce your kind, and 
that you offer your bodies a smoked, salt, or sugar-cured 
sacrifice to man, which is your reasonable service and 
in consonance with pig destiny. This talk about 
restraining your piggish natures is all squeal, and there 
is neither coherence nor music in it. You'll find no 
peace in resistance, rights, or repression. Be good." 

There was an educated pig in the assembly, and 
he took issue with me. "There are certain natural 
rights," he proclaimed, "and it is a mistake to declare 
that we should not restrain the other pigs from invading 
the natural rights of pigs. We deny that any one has 
the right to deprive us of our happiness. And my 
solution of this problem is that the pigs in the trough, 
while they have a perfect right to be there, should 
submit to a system of taxation whereby their occupancy 
will tend to the benefit of the whole drove." 

I never cared for educated pigs, and of all educated 
pigs I deem the single-tax variety the least attractive. 
However, his contention being based on the wisdom 
of natural rights, his pig philosophy is of a piece with 
that of his human confrere. 

Then I went to an entertainment and there saw a 
problem solved. The performer had on a table before 
him two hats. Into one he dropped a little ball. 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 75 

"With your kind permission, ladies and gentlemen, 
one and all," he pattered, "I will now, by the mere 
waving of this magic wand, cause the little ball to pass 
from the hat into which you saw me deposit it, into 

the other So, now it has passed through the 

substantial material of both hats without in anywise 
injuring the fabric of either. But that is not the most 
wonderful feature of this act. Observe me now, as I 
cause the little ball to return to the hat into which you 
saw me place it. By the mere utterance of a magic 
formula, accompanied with the proper manipulation 
of my all-powerful wand, I command the little ball to 
get back to the first hat, and .... here, ladies and 
gentlemen, it is; and you will observe as I pass the hats 
around among the audience that they have not been 
injured by the passage of the balls." Everybody 
applauded. I have a strong suspicion that the ball 
never left the hat, but should I see things like the wise 
do I would be no fool. 

I came very near solving a problem once by guess- 
ing the solution. My guess was right, but the prob- 
lem turned out to be no problem at all, else my 
guess would have proved futile. The problem was 
stated in these terms: Given a tub full to the brim 
with water, and another tub full of live fish, how 
comes it that one may drop all the fish, one by one, 
into the tub of water, without causing the water to 
overflow ? 

My guess was that it was a lie. 



76 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

I think that there are many problems just Hke that 
one. Perhaps they are all that way. 

I rather suspect that one of the chiefest problems 
of life is of that same fishy flavor. The problem is: 
Given a God that is All in All, and humanity that has 
only what God grants. How comes it that God gives 
his creatures desires which he expects them to suppress .? 

My guess is that the premises contain a lie. 

You are entitled to a guess in your turn. If you 
get more comfort from your guess than I get from mine 
you must have a wonderful capacity for comfort, and 
in that case I may be justified in the assumption that 
you are a greater (because happier) fool than I. 

The religious problem, as I have been told by those 
in the business, is how to save man. Human beings, 
to all appearances, seem to be well content and loving, 
but they say they are not. They have information 
from somewhere — I know not where — that man is 
lost; and the problem is how to save him. 

After lookiing carefully at the problems which people 
are trying to solve, I find that a problem is to do things 
in an "undoable way." 

The social problem that worries our wise men a 
great deal I have heard discussed a number of times and 
various remedies suggested. I once heard a lecture by 
a wise man and the problem of peace was his subject; 
and the trend of his conversation was that, by having 
arbitration instead of war, we will have peace in society, 
and the problem of life will then be solved. 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 77 

Nature has ordained that if you do not comply 
with her rules that that particular member of your phys- 
ical body which violates the law suffers. When that 
member escapes punishment another organ or member 
suffers. When a man overloads his stomach with 
liquor, headache follows. It is identical in the social 
world. The disregarding of nature's rules brings pain 
in the physical body, or discord in the social organism, 
and that pain or discord is not a punishment but a 
warning. To live in harmony and peace is nature 
obeyed. All our troubles come from the unnatural isms 
and wasisms which create problems. Nature is broad 
and great and openhanded. It is the broad, big un- 
trammeled highway. And because the wasisms and isms 
are forever crowding us in the narrow little alley, men 
find no room; consequently, we are constantly falling 
over one another, and the result is discord and pain. 
To keep us in this narrow alley and maintain peace 
is the problem, and the suggestion of the wise man is, 
"The way to have peace is to have peace, and that is 
by arbitration to make one or the other of the parties 
in dispute shut up, and thereby not annoy the rest." 

It seems to me that all problems are about like this : 
How can I pinch the cat's tail and escape the scratches 
that are the penalty for squeezing cats' tails ? The only 
way that could be done would be for the cat to take a 
non-resistant attitude, and if the cat could do that (which 
by the way is not cat nature) you could not then 
pinch its tail. 



78 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

It seems to me that you cannot have peace by force. 
You can only have peace when you remove the inhar- 
monious cause, otherwise it will only prevent discord 
from expressing itself. When my child is crying because 
of a toothache, it is no remedy for me to tell it to shut 
up because the noise annoys me. Suppose she complies 
with my request (arbitration having been applied to 
prevent the expression of discord) would that stop the 
toothache ? Would you get peace by stopping the 
expression of discord ? It seems to me if there is 
anything wrong in the physical or social world it would 
be better to remove the cause, and until the cause is 
removed, let us have as much discord as possible. If 
your home is on fire, you want a 4:11 alarm to wake up 
the household; and you are willing that the din and 
clamor of the alarm should continue until the wake-up 
process is complete. The way to remove the cause is to 
understand that nature has not given man desires to 
suppress them. It is not in prevailing upon man to do 
things he does not like to do, or restraining him from 
things he does like to do that will give us peace. 

However, the wise ones are not satisfied to have 
things natural. That would be too easy; and therefore 
they must have problems wliich can never be solved. I 
have no problems and no philosophy of Life to bother 
me, — I just live. This conglomeration, the I, with 
feelings, emotions, thoughts, pleasures, ambitions, is 
a wonderful communistic society of organs harmoniously 
co-operating with no dictatorship — an anarchistic 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 79 

dream — each performing for the good of the whole. 
They have no wish, no desire, save the desire of the 
whole. When I walk on the street my eyes pick out 
nice clean spots for my feet to step on; when it would 
please my stomach to chum some good fruit, my eyes 
carefully select, my arms reach out, and my hands pluck 
the fruit. There is no jealousy, no bickering. In 
case of an accident to one member, all the others rush 
to assist it. This morning I thought I felt a commotion 
in myself. Investigation proved that different members 
of my body were each claiming recognition. The 
eyes claimed that if it would not be for them the other 
members could not see a thing and would be helpless; 
therefore they ought to have all the glory. The ears 
said without them you could not hear. The legs said 
if they refuse to take me from place to place I would 
be in a bad fix. The stomach said that it grinds all the 
food for the nourishment. Sex claimed that it is the real 
thing, for it is impossible for any other member to have 
existence except by its action. And so on every member 
set up its claim. Before I had time to straighten things 
out for them I slipped on a banana peel and then I 
saw that it was only imagination, for up went my 
hands, my body, and all to regain my equilibrium. 
No one member can have any pleasure without sharing 
in company with all. In milk there is cream, sour 
milk, and water. In cream there is butter and 
buttermilk. In sour milk there is cheese and water. 
Can you tell me which drop of it when it comes from 



80 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the cow is cream, which is water, and which is cheese ? 
Each part, each drop of milk, contains all. There is a 
stomach, a liver, and all organs of my being in my eye, 
and still they are eyes. More than that, everything 
in this universe is in the I — trees, cows, fishes, the 
sun, the sunshine, the rain and wind, the moon and the 
stars are in the I. I am the universe, and I in turn 
am in the trees, in the cow, and in the sun, being all 
that I am in the eye. I have eyes and they see certain 
things which it pleases me for them to see, and I see 
that they see. I have ears and they hear. Certain 
sounds give me pleasure, and I seek them, and shun 
those which give me pain. I have a sense of touch — 
I feel with my hands and my body. There are certain 
things it pleases me to touch and I touch them; and 
the touch of others being repulsive, I avoid them. All 
members work in harmony without any philosophy. 
My stomach (I used to have two) is always at work, 
and when it is empty it sets up a clamor; so it gives me 
pleasure to have my stomach filled, and neither myself 
nor my stomach care whether we conflict with the rights 
and the wrongs of society so long as we get our stomach 
filled. I am very careful of my stomach. I have it 
surrounded by a wall. My principal organ, sex, is 
the most delicate of me; it is protected by a pair of hips, 
that no harm may come to it. I am very careful of 
my eyes, and let down the lids and cover them when 
they are not in use or are in danger. I am very careful 
of my ears, and they are protected by frames. I have 



SHOES, PIGS, AND PROBLEMS 81 

a brain that does the thinking, and I have a hard skull 
to protect it — its private office. 

Is it any wonder that we poor fools, we happy fools, 
laugh at you wise, whose wisdom undertakes to es- 
tablish peace by force ? 

A fool will tell you wise ones that the only way to 
establish and maintain peace is to remove the inhar- 
monious conditions that disturb peace. You have 
crowded us off nature's broad highway, and you punish 
us for chmbing your silly fences, and even for laughing 
at your flimsy barriers. Whenever we think it worth 
while we'll ignore your imaginary fences and enjoy our 
inheritance to the earth unobstructed and unafraid. 

Then, ye wise ones, "What are you going to do 
about it?" 

It seems to me that the real problems of the wisest 
are still before them. 



DEMOCRACY 



DEMOCRACY 



THERE once was a man who knew what a palla- 
dium was. He died without bequeathing the 
mystery, and so we are bereft of a positive 
knowledge on the subject. There is, however, a tradi- 
tion that our constitution is the palladium of our 
liberties. Hence we should have reverent regard for 
palladiums. 

How grateful we should be that we are privileged 
to live in a glorious democracy. Each man a sove- 
reign! All are equals ! No rulers! The administrators 
— servants of the people; no aristocracy. 

In this great democracy each man is at work under 
the palladium. All are laborers. There are variant 
degrees of labor. Some are better pleased with their 
job than others. But there are always and everywhere 
malcontents who are dissatisfied with the work as- 
signed them. Some of these creatures complain because 
he who performs the most laborious services receives 
the slenderest reward; as though the delight in render- 
ing service were in itself not sufficient. 

Yes, it is true, that many of those on whom is con- 
ferred the honor of performing the hardest tasks, do 
not appreciate the distinction thus lavished upon 

85 



THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 



them. Society could not exist without classes. Our 
best people would be in pitiful plight if there were not 
a tired class from which to recruit its asylums, its 
social settlement work, its houses of prostitution, and 
its police force. 

Society requires a class that must build houses, plan 
and supply the furnishings for these edifices, make the 
roads, grow foodstuffs and fashion the clothing. 
It also needs a class that will use the stuff created. We 
need people to live in the houses, make use of the 
roads, eat the stuff which is grown, and wear the clothes 
fashioned. Then we need another class to keep the 
peace between them that make the things which they 
care not to use, and the class that uses the things but 
makes none. I once asked one of these working fellows 
why he wanted to be on the police force. He replied 
that he might as well have an easy job as any other 
fellow, and, he added, "we must have a police force, 
just as we must have sunlight. Life and property 
would not be safe otherwise." 

It would seem that the less one has the more he 
requires protection for what he has not, against the 
other fellow who also has nothing. 

Workers of another class are those that do not 
work with the hands. Theirs is brain work. They 
furnish the intelligence for the manual laborer, and 
give him permission to work. They are called em- 
ployers of labor. They work the workers and become 
forceful factors in social life. What would become of 



DEMOCRACY 87 



our poor ignorant working-classes who know only how 
to work and obey were it not for our better classes 
who furnish employment for them ? 

I remember hearing of an occurrence that illustrates 
how sadly our workfolk would fare if they were not 
given employment. During the reconstruction days 
following the close of the Civil War, an old darkey 
sauntered into the handsomely appointed offices of 
the Freedmen's Bureau at Memphis. 

"Is dis yer de Freedmen's Beuoh .^" he asked, in 
open-mouthed admiration of the walnut and brass 
fittings of the handsome quarters. 

"This is the place," courteously answered the sole 
occupant, who appeared to be the officer in charge. 

"Well, wot yer gwine do fer de cuUud man ?'* 
was his next inquiry. 

"We can't do anything for you just now," said the 
functionary. "The last appropriation for this office 
was only about enough to put up these fixings and pay 
our salaries, and Congress will not — " 

"Lor bress ye, suh," interrupted the recently eman- 
cipated citizen, "I aint axin' fur no money, no suh! 
All I want is jess a job er wukk. Kain't you all fine 
me airy job .^" 

The Mississippi was high at the time, and lots of 
driftwood was floating down the stream. The official 
tried a bit of pleasantry. 

"I'll give you a job," he said to the old man. 
"There's lots of driftwood coming down the river. 



88 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

You go out there and gather all you can, and I'll give 
you half you get." 

"All right, boss," said the darkey to his new em- 
ployer; and away he went. 

By next night the diligent employee had piled up 
a considerable stack of wood. He was congratulating 
himself on the success of his work, and making a mental 
survey of his half of the proceeds, when he was ap- 
proached by a man whose gold-braided cap gave 
evidence of officialdom. 

"That's a pretty good pile of wood you've gathered, 
uncle," said the newcomer. "I'll take this half over 
here," he said as he indicated one end of the pile. 

"Lor' bless my soul!" ejaculated the old fellow. 
"You doan look like de Freedman's Beuoh gemman." 

"No," he replied; "I have nothing to do with the 
Bureau, but I'm the wharf master, and according to 
the city ordinances I'm entitled to one-half the wood 
that's piled up on this levee." 

"Ef dats de law, all right; go ahead. You tekk your 
harf, and de Freedman's Beuoh tekk his harf — only 
I hope you gemmen won't mine ef I tekk one little 
stick off'n you all's harfs so's I kin mekk a fiah to cook 
me any little ting I mout be able to steal fore mornin.' " 

I tell this little story to illustrate in a convincing 
way that there's no excuse for any able-bodied man 
ever to be out of a job. There are always benevolent 
employers who will give us work. We can hear this 
same truth from every pulpit, though perhaps lacking 



DEMOCRACY 89 



the anecdotal form. And there is always some sort 
of government that stands ready to protect the producer 
against the curse of a surplus. Nor do these various 
governmental agencies neglect to protect the employer 
in his share of the product — and help him get it from 
the producer. 

Brain work is very effective. It gathers more in 
one hour than the toiler can produce in twelve. There- 
fore the brain-worker does not need to work as long 
as does the man who works with his hands. It is a 
fine disposition of things. 

The brain-worker requires an occasional vacation. 
The manual laborer can dispense with such a rest. 
The latter needs to work longer and more continually 
so as to keep him out of mischief. The employer's 
food, too, must be of better quality, his clothing of 
finer texture, and he must have servants to wait on 
him. The working person must learn habits of thrift, 
and should not partake of expensive foods. Indeed, 
adulterated and coarse food is more in keeping with 
Ms position in life; while shoddy clothing will give 
him a feeling of decent humility, without which he could 
not so readily be kept under the wholesome control of 
his benefactor. 

Then there are workers who teach others how not 
to work. This is one of the most important branches 
of our Democracy. We call it education, and worship 
at its shrine. The end and aim of education is to 
impress upon its victims the necessity for a ruHng class ; 



90 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

and the rewards which are promised to the faithful 
pupils is either entrance into the aristocracy or a good 
job serving the people. The teacher may truly be 
said to be engaged upon brain-work, for the efforts 
of the teacher's brain is to stunt that of the pupil. 
Neither the teacher nor the pupil brag about this open- 
ly; both of them are very much impressed with the 
nobihty of their mission. An utter absence of a sense 
of humor assures the teacher of promotion and the 
pupil of appreciation. 

The nobility of the teacher's mission is one of our 
most sacred beliefs. We know that the teacher is 
overworked and underpaid. The work consists of 
twenty-two to thirty hours per week for eight or nine 
months in the year. During a year's work the average 
teacher can instruct fully one hundred pupils in the 
mystery of escaping work. The ignorant masses 
who are taught only the dignity of labor do not appre- 
ciate the fine work of teaching. The masses must 
be taught a more proper esteem for intellect, and all 
our teachers are beautifully intellectual. 

The work of priest and parson is another branch 
of labor that is highly regarded. These check the 
criminal intent of man. They teach peace and brother- 
hood. They are the spiritual guides of society, God 
bless them! Horror on horror's head would accumu- 
late were it not for these indefatigable workers. So- 
ciety requires of them only two hours' work per week, 
on the first day thereof, which being the Lord's day 



DEMOCRACY 



is not reverently regarded by the lords, but has some 
recreative value to those who are not in the lord class. 

The work of the Sunday workman is to convince 
the poor man that he has a better chance to get to 
heaven than has his master. For this teaching the mas- 
ter willingly and generously pays the hire of the Sunday 
workman. The laborer of the pulpit proves to the 
masses that it is foolish to desire earthly possessions — 
that the rich are better able to endure the pangs of 
Hell, hence all earthly possessions should be turned 
over to them, out of which to pay the parson's salary. 
Many fine preachments may be heard during those 
two Sunday hours. We learn that the poor man needs 
only to inform the pastor that he is hungry and in- 
stantly he will be fed with advice concerning Good 
Citizenship and the proper humility of those whom 
it has pleased God to cast for the humbler parts. 

Were it not for these laborers in the vineyard of the 
Lord we should never have discovered the close relation- 
ship between religion and art. The trouble, we are 
told, with the disinherited is, that they are soul-hungry. 
Let them go to the art museum during the Saturday 
half-holiday, and to church on Sunday, and all will 
be well. 

Now and then a preacher or college professor 
succumbs to the temptation of the devil. They blas- 
pheme the highest and mightiest of earth. They 
see smirch and taint on the wealth from which they 
have been fed. There are not many of these, and 



92 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

they are easily silenced. They are not taken seriously 
by the good people, and are consistently ignored by the 
masses. They are the victims of the sympathetic 
temperament. They commiserate the poor. They 
suffer agonies of excruciation through their compas- 
sion for the sufferings of the downtrodden. And 
their pain is all for naught. For the very people 
with whom these generous souls sympathize are not 
suffering, in actuality, anything like the pangs that 
their champions are enduring in their commiseration. 

The downtrodden do not chafe. The poor do 
not suffer. They are lulled to sleep by the hope that 
they, too, shall have their innings at the lord game. 
Dear me! if the disinherited should ever really get 
to the point of suffering that the "reformers" think 
has already been reached — but why dwell on that 
picture ? We did not like what happened in the 
French Reign of Terror. That was too large a dose 
of democracy to contemplate complacently. 

As education is the teaching of methods whereby 
we can find the way to let others do our work, so reli- 
gion seems to be a method of saving lost souls that are 
not lost. A shepherd who left his flock afield and 
strayed into the village tavern insists to this day that 
it was the sheep who were lost. There is no soul 
that so much needs saving as his who thinks all others 
are lost. 

I lost my garter this morning, and the loss caused 
me much worry. It is very annoying to lose one's 



DEMOCRACY 93 



garter. The loss of a garter implies loss of control 
of the stocking. However, there's an immense differ- 
ence between the loss of a garter and the loss of a soul. 
In both instances there is a minus mark involved, 
but as to the garter one loses, one seeks to recover it 
for herself, while in the matter of a soul one can scarce- 
ly lose it before all one's neighbors are diligently 
undertaking to save it for her. Moreover, one is 
promptly made aware of the loss of a garter by the 
unrestrained and licentious behavior of the stocking, 
while one may lose her soul and go about her usual 
avocations without any sense of stress or strain. To 
judge from the demeanor of those who have been 
gathering lost souls, it is a fair inference that all 
the decrepitude of their many finds has clung to the 
finders. A sour lot of souls some of them must have 
assimilated in the saving. 

And some souls seem to require frequent if not 
periodic saving. It's like a fellow with two shirts 
that he sends to the laundry each week. In the course 
of the year he had one hundred and four shirts washed, 
yet he has but the two. Hence when we hear the 
ardent soul-saver recount his triumphs, and he tells of 
ten thousand souls saved, we are justified in demanding 
an itemized account. Did he save the same soul 
ten thousand times ? Or two souls on five thousand 
several occasions ? Or — but the mathematical combina- 
tions are infinite. 

I attended a revival meeting once, and saw the 



94 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

operators in the act of saving souls. The revivahst 
by one sentence saved fifty souls, and the sentence was 
"Where will you be one hundred years from now, 
where will you be one thousand years from now, where 
will you be ten thousand years from now ?" And I 
wondered how many souls he could save if he would 
ask his audience where they were one hundred years 
ago, where they were one thousand years ago and 
where they were ten thousand years ago ? That 
would be more convincing, as there is a larger class 
of people who can tell what transpired yesterday 
than who can tell what is going to happen to-morrow. 
The soul-savers always appear eager to go where the 
well-fed souls require saving. They discern a "call" 
to a more populous field with much less diflficulty than 
if the call chance to be to a smaller town. The fact 
that the larger the town the larger the salary has, of 
course, nothing whatever to do with the case. The 
"call" from one pastorate to another is not the only kind 
of pastoral call. There is another kind, and the envious 
say invidious things of the pastoral calls that are made 
while the man of the house is away for a day or on a 
journey. A Kentucky preacher received a call to 
a religious conference; so did a Chicago woman. He 
moved to Chicago and has been calling ever since. 

One of the triumphs of Democracy which Mr. 
Carnegie may interweave into some future edition of his 
edifying book on that topic, is the discovery of the law of 
compensation within the realm of triumphant democ- 



DEMOCRACY 95 



racy. Our heavenly guide has shown us that the more 
spiritual the work the more material commodities should 
be exchanged as fair compensation. 

He has located heaven away off toward the zenith, 
and bids you to look up — and while you are looking 
up he looks down. Should he discover that you are 
burdened with possessions that are calculated to im- 
peril your attainment of the goal toward which you 
are looking, he deems it no less a duty than a priv- 
ilege to effect a change of owners. For all the world 
like the game I used to play on my baby brother — 
telling him, in my artful little way, to look up at the 
bird, while I possessed myself of his goodies. The 
essential difference between my cute little game and 
the preacher's is, that I filched the dainties for the fun 
of teasing Buster, while his reverence "plays for keeps." 

Little brother fooled me once by refusing to be 
fooled. When I bade him look at the bird he only 
laughed and reached for his goodies. Funny what a 
queer child he was. If big folks were not wiser than 
babies it would make a substantial difference in the 
bank account of His Holiness. 

While the pedagogue is teaching the young idea 
to overreach, and the parson is busy saving souls, let 
it not be thought that our material welfare is being 
overlooked. Our lawmakers and judges are giving their 
serious attention to such matters. Fortunately for 
our country there are always many patriotic and gener- 
ous souls ready to sacrifice themselves to serve their 



96 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

country in legislative and judicial capacities. There 
is a legend that once there was a lawyer who declined 
to immolate himself on the altar of patriotism. It 
is further stated that he would have had to surrender 
a practice worth $1,200 per annum for a judgeship at 
that time paying but $900 a year. Later he was suf- 
ficiently patriotic to accept a job as senator at $8,000 
a year. 

The duties of the lawmaker are to provide pro- 
tection for society. To carry out his purpose in the 
line of his duty, he must see to it that the humble poor 
are protected against the predatory rich. Of course, 
the rich as a class have some rights, too, which cannot 
be overlooked. It is truly refreshing to observe with 
what a wealth of patriotic zeal they engage upon their 
task. To look at them in session you would esteem 
them as mere, ordinary, plain men. This is because 
of the democratic spirit of our age. Our greatest, 
wisest, noblest, and best take a pardonable pride in mas- 
querading as humble citizens. But their work shows how 
sapient and pure they are. Elected by the enlightened 
masses, they are truly representatives of the source 
from whence they spring. The ballot is a very wizard 
in selecting for us our choicest and finest and most 
sagacious. 

I have known a disreputable tavern-keeper who 
pandered to the most depraved people in his district; 
whose word was not accepted by even the most credu- 
lous, who, when he became a "grave and reverend 



DEMOCRACY 97 



seignor" in our state senate, immediately became the 
paragon of statesmen, the model of virtue, and the 
pattern of the boys in the high school of his district. 
This shows the wisdom of the ballot. That states- 
man associated himself with the vile and disreputable 
in order to discover their real needs so that he might 
understand and supply those needs after his election. 
He really was a great man in disguise. 

There is a dignity about public service which pri- 
vate service somehow does not grant. Our legisla- 
tors are public servants. When we consider the 
difficulty inherent in serving some one person, we can 
understand the sacrifice that our public servants make 
in the multiplied duty of serving the many. 

I once told my cook that she ought to be very proud 
to be a servant. "All our great men are servants," I 
assured her. Thereupon she called me a fool, and 
took other service. She served me at last by giving 
me some occupation for my alleged thoughts. The 
burden of my cogitations is to discover how she found 
me out. 

The pubHc servant is he who protects us from all 
evil. He saves us from the vicious elements in society. 

His work is hard on the brain, and therefore he 
must have an abundance of material things to com- 
pensate the great drain on his system. He loves to 
serve the public. So much so indeed, that he is in- 
clined to be jealous of the like service being rendered 
by any other person than himself. He often spends 



98 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

more than one-half of the emoluments of his job in order 
to keep from being supplanted by some other servant 
who would dearly love to serve the public. 

The public servant is often a glittering and conspic- 
uous success as a financier. Without any special train- 
ing in finance, before assuming the duties and respon- 
sibilities of being a public servant, he early discovers 
methods whereby it is possible for him to save, during 
his incumbency, anywhere from 97 per cent to 2,463 per 
cent of his salary. These mathematics are not taught 
by the laborers who teach young children, but the 
results of that system of financiering are held up to the 
tender and plastic mind of childhood as worthy of all 
emulation, and indicative of great merit. 

The labor of being a public servant may be summed 
up as being good business and scintillant patriotism. 
A fool might be pardoned for considering it as patriotic 
business. 

There be other laborers, too, who sit astride the 
necks of the lower classes. All of them have no greater 
desire than to benefit the worker who works, but they 
are not willing to dismount. And the worker who 
works and carries his additional burden seems disposed 
to feel a vague sort of pride in being a part of the system 
whereby he can sustain the entire load of society. The 
merit, however, is not so much liis as that of the masterly 
trainers who keep him contented with his lot. When 
we see a particularly well-trained dog we give our ad- 
miration to the trainer — not to the dog. 



DEMOCRACY 99 



Great is Democracy ! Under its palladium even the 
humblest of us lias a voice. We are permitted to vote. 
We elect our public servants. Then we permit our 
good masters to select a committee to watch our ap- 
pointees. Then we have a voters' league to keep an 
eye on the committee. Then we have a society to watch 
the voters' league. And so ad infinitum. 

An English writer would not even deprive his poul- 
try of the franchise. He tells us that when he kills a 
hen for his dinner he always consults the fowl as to her 
preference in the matter of her cooking. If she is too 
stolid (as so many of our voters are) to signify her 
preference, of course he goes ahead in his own way. 
She has had her day at the polls, and having failed to 
exercise her privilege, has practically abandoned her 
rights. Should the chicken protest against being 
plucked, that would be anarchy, and she would then 
suffer death as a penalty. 

Our public servants manipulate the taxing power 
very much as my English friend wields his cleaver on 
chicken-killing day. Plucking is good for chickens, 
and taxing is good for the producers of commodities. 

A fire insurance company protects us from loss by 
fire; an accident insurance company from loss by acci- 
dent; a life insurance company from monetary loss by 
death. 

But government is a combine. All rights are taken 
under its wings and protected. The charge is small, 
and is collected whether you agree or not. You pay it 



t.o^^- 



100 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

when you buy the things you need. They are getting 
the trading-stamps instead of you, and for that you get 
so much protection that it is almost incomprehensible. 

For the payment of a certain sum, an accident, life, 
and burglar insurance company will pay you the 
amount insured on your furnishing the evidence that 
you sustained the loss against which they insured you. 

How different it is with government. The govern- 
ment charges you so much for being protected from all 
aggressions, and when they have failed to protect, and 
you have been aggressed, there are more fees which you 
pay, by way of expense of trying the aggressor, and if the 
aggressor has been proven guilty (which means that 
the government has not kept its contract to protect you) 
there is another cost to you to defray the expense of 
feeding and clothing the aggressor. 

If a person would run an insurance company on 
that basis, how insured would the insured ones be ? 

Altogether we should be very proud of our Democ- 
racy. 



PRESSING HIS TROUSERS 



PRESSING HIS TROUSERS 



IT is a great privilege to be civilized. Uncivilized 
people have too little regard for what their neigh- 
bors think; although there is just the possibility 
that uncivilized neighbors are not disposed to be cen- 
sorious. 

Two people, in civilization, who become enamoured 
of each other and have the prompting to rear a family, 
must first consult the neighborhood and secure the sanc- 
tion of some authority under proper and altogether 
necessary forms or incantations. 

Should they discover that they were mistaken in the 
strength of the attachment wliich brought them to- 
gether, they can again go to the neighborhood with 
their grievances, and by subjecting their differences to 
other formula, they may be relieved of the burden of 
continuing an untenable relation. 

Uncivilized people would regard so intimate a rela- 
tion as concerning only the contracting parties them- 
selves. Their point of view is warranted by their state 
of uncivihzedness. 

The ethics of civilization demand that we be thor- 
oughly unselfish in such matters. If we find that our 
marriage contracts have involved us in misery, we should 

103 



104 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

bear up under the affliction. It is but little to suffer 
for the good of civilization. The Tolstoian doctrine of 
non-resistance should serve well in a divorce court. If 
I can convince a court that I am dead in love with my 
husband I can get a decree within an hour. If it 
becomes known that I am miserably unhappy with 
my spouse, the court will deny me relief. If you analyze 
it critically you will see the wisdom of that. Why 
should people separate merely because they cannot 
agree ? Disagreement is a good reason for them to 
keep on living together. Uncivilized people would 
separate when harmony ceases, but the ethics of civilized 
people is to be unselfish, and the more misery you have 
the larger the duty implied. 

A Chicago man applied for a divorce, and his peti- 
tion set forth the specification that "tootsie wootsie" 
failed to perform her wifely functions, and refused to do 
her bounden duty in not pressing "hubby's trousers." 

The club women of Chicago have seldom enjoyed 
a more enticing subject. And I thought that I, too, 
would take a hand in this discussion, and figure out in 
my own way whether it be indeed a woman's duty to 
press her husband's trousers. I picked up Webster's 
unabridged dictionary to find what duty was, and I 
saw that he divided it into three classes, natural, social, 
and legal. 

A man's obligation to nature is called his natural 
duty; his obligation to society is his moral duty; his 
compliance with the law is his legal duty. 



PRESSING HIS TROUSERS 105 

Angels may well fear to tread upon the sacred 
ground pre-empted by the definition-makers. I am a 
fool, and have no fear about rushing into the fray, and 
declaring that when Webster does not agree with me, 
then Noah is wrong, and that there is no other duty 
than legal duty. We look in vain for the germ of duty 
in nature. It is not the duty of the lightning to flash; 
it just flashes. It is not the duty of the bird to sing; it 
sings. It is not the duty of the rose to emit perfume; 
nor of the dunghill to — but why go into unsavory 
crannies, though nature lead the way .? Nor is there 
any evidence of moral duty anywhere on the mental 
horizon. There is only Love that prompts us, and 
wherever anything is done that is not done by love it is 
done by hypocrisy. Surely duty is not hypocrisy — or 
am I foolish in saying this ? If one be honest only 
from a sense of duty, how honest is he ? 

But legal duty is a "sure-enough" concept. We 
may obey our parents because we honor them. He is a 
coward who obeys from fear. Hence obedience 
yielded from any other sense than that of love is coward- 
ice, not duty. Shall we exalt cowardice ? Being a fool 
I would advise against that course. What say you, O 
ye wise ? Duty means to do something you don't like 
to do, while obedience to nature is one of joy, besides 
giving you health, pleasure, and happiness. Nature 
will always give you the desire to fulfil the obligation she 
imposes upon you. Disobey nature and she will 
punish you with ill health and misery. Society will 



106 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

thank you for complying with its moral obligations. 
If you are the cause of stopping a runaway horse, 
thereby preventing an accident; if you save a drowning 
person, or in any manner become active in averting 
danger to others, you become a hero. You have the 
praise of the public. Society will shun and look down 
upon you if you have not the welfare of others at 
heart. Rewards for obedience and punishment for 
disobedience are the methods by which life imposes 
its obligation on the individual. 

Now, our legal duty is to obey the laws. There is 
no direct reward for obedience to legal behests, but 
there is punishment for disobedience, if one be not 
careful. Hence the first duty of the citizen is to beware 
lest he be caught undutifully attitudinizing toward the 
law of the land. There are some laws so adjusted that 
there is a direct reward for conformity. As for in- 
stance, those enactments that provide that one-half the 
penalty be awarded the informer. A fool might wish 
that the penalty in all such cases were lashes on the 
bare back, in order that the informer might be justly 
rewarded. However, it is not for the fool to make laws. 
Then there are extra rewards for officers of the law to 
perform so disagreeable a "duty" as to hang or elec- 
trocute the condemned. There is here a sort of con- 
fession that society is requiring from an officer a service 
which itself condemns, and soothes the conscience of 
the functionary with some thirty pieces of silver. It 



PRESSING HIS TROUSERS 107 

is against the natural feeling of man to kill, maim, or 
injure his fellows, and therefore he must be paid for 
his act in some more substantial manner than the mere 
recognition of duty done. And so, in greater or lesser 
degree, all these things which are done from a sense of 
duty are in conflict with the natural and moral per- 
ceptions of man. Any other compliance with *'good 
citizenship " does not hinge upon the duty spook at all. 
A mother nurses her child, not because she has to, but 
because she loves to. If you dislike to take a fool's 
dictum for this, analyze for yourself, and see where it 
leads you. Hence the whole scheme of society is being 
sustained by an artificial prop. It is the province of 
the school and church to keep this prop continually 
braced. Obedience to the law is the surface cry of 
these institutions. They teach it, preach it, insist upon 
it, yet all the cajolery and blandishments employed are 
not sufficient without the element of force. And with 
all the force that is exerted to sustain the laws, they are 
violated continually. There is no one, however much 
inoculated with the duty spook, who does not violate 
some law some of the time, though perhaps it cannot 
be said that any one violates all the law all the time. 
Yet the more conscious we are of disobedience to exist- 
ing laws, the more new laws we pile upon our statute 
books to be broken. 

Pressing a husband's trousers does not appear to 
be a natural duty. If it be a natural pleasure, then the 



108 THOUGHTS OF A FOOI. 

reward for doing the pressing is the pleasure that 
follows the operation. The woman in the case cited 
seemingly derived no pleasure from pressing the 
trousers of her lord and master. Hence nature had no 
voice in the case. Nor could such a service be called 
a moral duty, inasmuch as there is nowhere a moral 
code whereby one could be adjudged immoral by re- 
fraining from applying the pressure of a hot iron to 
hubby's "pants." Indeed, it may be said that the 
custom is one more honored in the breeches than in the 
trousers. But that is the comment of a fool, and need 
not be seriously considered. I am ostracized for being 
a fool, but I have never yet heard of a woman being 
ostracized for omitting to press her husband's trousers, 
nor, on the other hand, have I ever heard a woman 
praised for faithful attention to the requirements of 
her husband's bifurcated garments. Even at funerals 
of noble women have I never heard (and generally at 
that time all the good deeds, big or little, are said in her 
favor) the funeral orator say, *' Here Hes a noble woman 
who never missed a day without pressing her husband's 
trousers." 

While there is a question of legal duty, no penalty 
seems to have been prescribed for non-observance, and 
no legal reward for compliance. Perhaps if after all 
it were a legal duty, you would find that the wife of each 
public functionary would be setting a lofty example by 
being photographed at the ironing-board and having a 
daily levee at pressing time. And by not doing it, it 



PRESSING HIS TROUSERS 109 



is plainly to be seen, that it is not a legal duty. While 
it is neither natural, moral, nor legal to press husband's 
pants, yet if your husband be a tailor, and you an indus- 
trious woman, you will press pants, sew buttons, and 
do anything to help along. 



POTATOES 



POTATOES 



BY means of certain noises, such as hisses and 
grunts, producing in combination various 
sounds, created by manipulations of the muscles 
of mouth, jaws, lips, throat, and tongue, thoughts are 
communicated among mankind. Before language was 
well developed there must have occurred many oddities 
of expression. Doubtless numerous misunderstandings 
resulted by reason of different words being used for 
names of one and the same object. But as the tailless va- 
rieties of bipeds adopted lingual methods of communica- 
tion, certain sound-tags have at last come to stand for 
definite material objects, thoughts, and feelings. Thus 
words have meaning. Vocal labels which express whole 
ideas are not easily misunderstood. When I use the 
word potato, I make a mental image of a succulent 
tuber, white inside, and with a surface of brown, red, 
or gray; a most convenient adjunct to roast beef. I 
convey to the listener a conception in all respects similar 
to my own, he knowing that I refer to a certain food 
product which grows underground. Thus, without 
further description, a potato is known as a potato. 

Acts are likewise named. We speak of a robber, a 
thief, a genius, and a prostitute, and a whole idea is 

113 



114 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

conveyed by each of these terms, and quite a definite 
one. But the irregular tags which we attach to many 
things — tags which convey an uncertain, double, or 
shifting meaning — are most puzzling, and therefore 
remain quite outside of my comprehension. The brain- 
fagging puzzle is the irregular label which stands for 
effect, and carries an equivocal meaning with it; — 
own cousin to the vessel that has a false bottom. 

When I use the word thief I do not have in mind a 
general term which applies to all persons that secretly 
appropriate property belonging to another, for if one 
steals an overcoat and people know that he has an over- 
coat at home and so has no need of another (and also 
that he has the price to get himself an overcoat if he 
wishes), he cannot then be called a thief; he is a klepto- 
maniac, which is a joke on stealing. The word thief 
is used and applied only to the person who steals an 
overcoat because he is sorely in need of one, or he needs 
the money which the overcoat would bring him in the 
pawnshop. This man is a thief! 

The term "thief," besides explaining the act, carries 
with it also a certain reproach. On the other hand, 
when I say "he made a good bargain," I mean that, 
while the fellow took the property of another like the 
thief did, his act is deserving of praise; and a thief is 
not a thief. When I call a man a robber, I am thinking 
of one who takes property by brute force — a term which 
carries with it an odor of ill-repute; a man to be 
avoided. But when I speak of some robbers I call them 



POTATOES 115 



soldiers. They are patriots who save the country — 
whose career is one of conquest; and robbers are not 
robbers. The term murder signifies the taking of the 
fife of one human being by another or others, and there 
is conveyed an idea of violence, cruelty, and disgrace. 
But the infliction of capital punishment, which is also 
taking the life of another may ehcit my approval; and 
thus murder is not murder. 

The term prostitution impHes a temporary, love- 
less, but pecuniary relationship between man and 
woman, and it has disgraceful implications; but I jus- 
tify the pride of a woman who has made a good catch; 
her act is like the other, but meets with my approval; 
and a prostitute is not a prostitute. A fight is looked 
upon as an unmanly and disgraceful proceeding, and 
one who will strike another with his fists is described 
as being low ; but let a thousand men fight with another 
thousand, the act is called war, and I justify and praise 
it; for a fight is no longer a fight. When a stronger 
person hits a weaker we call it a cowardly act, and it is 
condemned; still a judge on the bench said that should 
a man whip his wife, a mother her daughter, a teacher 
her pupil, it is called discipline. Thus it is easy to be 
seen that a potato is not always a potato after all, no 
matter how clearly the word potato signifies the staying 
powers of the Irish stomach; no matter how plainly 
the word calls to mind the irregular-shaped and various- 
sized murphies which the farmer digs, sacks, and takes 
to market. 



116 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Being what I am, I do not pretend to know when a 
potato is not a potato, but I do know when a potato is 
a potato, and I know that I know it. As an ignoramus 
then, I should hke to be informed why it is that an 
untruth is sometimes in plain English called a lie, and 
at other times a piece of diplomacy ; why should scandal 
passing from mouth to mouth be called harmful gossip, 
and immediately it appears in a daily paper is dignified 
by the name of news; why playing upon green cloth is 
called gambling, while playing upon the susceptibilities 
of financial lambs, who bleat on the floor of a chamber 
of commerce, is called speculation. I am waiting for 
a man to arise who can explain to me the difference 
between a libertine and a devil; who can tell me why 
a beer-soaked laborer is described as being drunk, and 
a champagne-saturated baron is spoken of as being ex- 
hilarated. Again, who can make as plain as day the 
difference between hypocrisy and the keeping up of 
appearances; or between a stuck-up woman and one 
having a proud, haughty bearing. The latter I am 
sure could make clear to me when a potato is not a 
potato. It is a fool's privilege to ask questions, and the 
wise may answer them in terms the scoffer cannot 
understand. 

Mary goes into symbolical gustatory raptures over 
beef steak and green onions, while she does not care a 
single kitchen whiff for the names with which these 
solid dainties have been labeled. The real joy lies in 
the juicy steak and the succulent green onions which 



POTATOES 117 



she masticates so vigorously. Had our ape-like pro- 
genitors of the long ago named the juicy steak and green 
onions loneliness and barrenness respectively, Mary 
would have gone into raptures just as readily. She 
would have ruminated the loneliness and barrenness of 
it all, while ** darning " all thoughts of steak and onions f 
If *' a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,'* 
is there any explanation to be had of the case in hand ? 
Though if a rose, called a skunk-cabbage, would smell 
as sweet, would a skunk-cabbage, though called a rose, 
cease to present its pungent challenge to our olfac- 
tories ? If we were all skunk-cabbages would we de- 
light in enjoying our own odors ? Of one thing only 
am I sure in this connection, that a potato is a potatc 
sometimes. 



BUZZ-SAWS, SHORTCAKE, 
AND RIGHTS 



BUZZ-SAWS, SHORTCAKE, 
AND RIGHTS 



TO a man and his wife a child was born. As 
they were legally married, I suppose the child 
had a right to be bom. The infant had a head 
and all the members which belong to a well-regulated 
head. It had two legs, and each leg had a foot; 
on each foot there were five toes. It also had two 
arms with hands attached to them, and each hand 
had five fingers. I suppose he had a right to every- 
thing he had. 

The parents named the boy Eugene McCaren Bum- 
phrey, and I cannot see why they should not have the 
right to name him Bumphrey, or any other name, if they 
had so chosen. 

No wise man will deny that Eugene had the right 
to life, to his name, and to his fingers. 

Nevertheless when in the course of time he went to 
work, Eugene lost three fingers off his right hand while 
employed at the saw-mill. He didn't know much about 
the taking ways of a circular saw when its buzz is in 
active business. 

The wise men have not yet informed us whether, 
in taking Eugene's fingers, the saw also took his right 

121 



122 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

to the fingers. Now, if the saw took the fingers and 
left Eugene the right, what good is the right to Eugene ? 
He cannot manipulate the right in such a way as to 
make it serve in the stead of the missing digits. If, on 
the other hand (although really the left hand has 
nothing to do with the case), the saw, in taking the 
fingers took the rights also, what use can the saw make 
of the rights to Eugene's fingers ? 

Another question for the wise to decide is (that same 
saw having at various times dismembered other people), 
when in the course of its human acquirements it will 
have accumulated flesh of sufficient variety that it will 
have in the aggregation a whole human being, has it, or 
has it not, also acquired the right of a whole human 
being, namely, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happi- 
ness; and if it did, then what particular human being 
will come within the purview of these joint (if for a time 
disjointed) rights ? 

The wise man may not be able to point out the 
individual who would in such fashion become the Slave 
of the Saw, but we must surely insist that the saw's 
right is not that which we have in the Declaration of 
Independence, and is called natural rights, but it ac- 
quired its rights by conquest. That may be; but 
where did Eugene get his rights to his fingers in the 
first place ^ And do we by conquest acquire not only 
the thing we capture, but the rights that it is claimed 
go vdth the acquisition ? 

It must be fine to be wise enough to solve such a 



BUZZ-SAWS, SHORTCAKE, AND RIGHTS 123 

riddle, yet there are many who do it off-hand, or, as in 
this case, off-finger. 

We have been assured by the abnormally wise that 
each of us has the right to life. In that case he who 
takes his brother's life is justified, for he cannot take 
that life dissociated from the rights that go with it, and 
if he has taken the right along with the life, then he has 
a right to take it. 

A mere fool has Hfe, and does not require any right 
to life so long as life remains in him. And what in 
the name of all that is wise will any one do with the 
right to live when he has not life to live with ? 

If a fool is overboard and striving to keep afloat 
until help arrives, he is concerned about preserving 
his life, and has neither time nor strength in such a con- 
tingency to be striving to save his right to live. Quite 
otherwise with the wise man. He will not trouble to 
save his life at all. His sole purpose will be to preserve 
his right to life, and he will insist on it even as he gasps 
his last gasp. 

Really I cannot muster up a very high regard for 
the right to life after one has become a *'demnition 
moist body." 

Recently some of our wisest insisted on a " sane " 
celebration of Independence Day. By this they mean 
that fewer firecrackers should be exploded. Of course 
they will sneer at a fool who suggests that it were the 
part of sanity to omit from the program of that holiday 
our raucous insistence on the doctrine of natural rights. 



124 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

We won no rights from Great Britain when we set up 
national housekeeping on our own hook. The mother 
country had none that we could win. We did not fight 
our Revolutionary War in order to gain any rights. Our 
revolt was a denial of rights. We denied that King 
George had any of the rights cited in our catalogue of 
denials called our Declaration of Independence. 

There is a most important difference between our 
denial of the right of the other fellow to aggress, and 
our putting a chip on our own shoulder, calling it by 
the name of *' rights " in order to terrify the invader. 

When I was down at the farm last year, my uncle 
brought in some peaches on Saturday night. My 
cousin and I ate them, not knowing that they were 
especially consecrated to the purpose of Sunday peach 
shortcake. Uncle was wroth when he learned that 
his plans had been frustrated, as he is ''powerful fond 
o' shortcake." He said that he had planted "them 
peaches, and had the right to say what was to be done 
with 'em, and didn't like the idea of a passel of silly 
gals that oughter have better sense nebbin' in." He 
had all the rights after we had devoured his peaches 
that he had ever had, and I never thought to ask him 
why he did not have Jane make a shortcake of the rights, 
for I know we did not eat any when we feasted on his 
peaches. 

When the wise speak of the non-interference with 
speech, press, assembly, and the like, they refer to these 
liberties as rights. Yet the thought of so thinking of 



BUZZ-SAWS, SHORTCAKE, AND RIGHTS 125 

them would never have occurred to any one had no 
invasion of these Hberties ever been undertaken under 
the name of ** rights." 

Free speech and kindred hberties are not dependent 
on the doctrine of rights, but, on the contrary, are 
assailed only in that name. We are on firm ground 
when we demand to be shown by what right our 
liberties are abridged. The invader cannot show us 
how his rights to invade were established, or whence 
derived. We are secure against his claim of rights by 
denying them. Once we acquiesce in his plea, and 
oppose it by asserting contrary rights, we may in turn 
be called upon to show the origin of the rights we claim, 
and I warrant even the wisest of us will stumble at that 
task. 

Does the bird need any declaration of her rights to 
fly ? I know she needs wings, and if I should pluck 
one of the wings she would then be unable to fly. But 
should our wise legislative assembly declare that a 
bird has no right to fly, will that cause her wings to 
wither, or what will happen to her ? 

A fool does not claim the right to laugh at the wise. 
It is enough to know that the wise have no rights 
against being the subjects of the laughter of fools. 



IN WONDERLAND 



IN WONDERLAND 



IN the pottery, by the wheel sits the potter, molding 
pots from the clay which is before him. It is a 
work of pleasure with him, for, after admiring the 
pots for a while, he puts them back in the clay pile to 
be reshaped into new pots. How marvelously the 
potter works the unending variety of the pots. The 
pots are alive; they never are at a standstill — always on 
the go ; they are not to-day what they were yesterday, 
and to-morrow they will be again different. 

Life, the potter, is an artist. He molds his pots in 
various shapes and endless designs. I understand that 
he is always at work. We have no certain knowledge 
when he began, neither do we know when he will end. 
The designs are infinite, from the common thistle to 
the most delicate flower; from the tiniest blade of grass 
to the most majestic oak. The marvelous ways of 
life, the unending change in all his creation, challenges 
attention. From the smallest to the largest works of 
art in this workshop of life a constant change goes on. 
And how deftly, too, the constant waste is repaired — 
the steady drain compensated. There is not much 
difficulty in the absorption and repair of waste by units 
which move not from place to place. The rain and 

129 



130 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

sunshine comes to the plant to assist in its repair; if 
those be denied, it withers and decays. Some forms 
of vegetation apparently assist themselves; many 
plants lift their heads to the sun, others set wiles 
to ensnare; some decoy by fragrant perfumes, others 
by pleasant juices. Their needs are satisfied by the 
mere lifting of their heads and the absorption of a 
few insects. 

In the animal world the organic units move from 
place to place and the change is more apparent. Each 
comes into being small and weak, but complete. It 
gathers and absorbs to itself parts of other organisms 
till it reaches perfectness, then dies. It dissolves itself 
to be absorbed by others. In the animal, from the 
tiniest amoeba to the most complicated form, the repair 
requires effort and exertion. The more complex an 
organism the greater the effort required of it. A worm 
is satisfied to eat of the earth on the spot where it is. 
Birds have to travel miles in order to get away from 
climatic conditions. The more complex the organism 
the more it needs to assert itself. When we come to 
man, the most complicated animal of them all, his con- 
scious effort is required in repairing his waste. 

Scientists tell us that by waste and absorption we 
have new bodies every seven years; that is, in seven 
years the old body is wasted away, but by constant 
repair — the building up of new tissues — new bodies 
are created. 

Man needs air, sunshine, water, food, and shelter. 



IN WONDERLAND 131 

Air and sunshine are around about him; for food, 
water, clothing, and shelter his exertion against nature 
is ceaseless. He must be active, he must be creative, 
to satisfy his constant needs. His capital to start on 
is a head, hands, and feet. The head plans, the feet 
take him to the place of action, and with the hands he 
makes tools and executes and carries out the ideas 
formulated by the brain. He prepares his food, shelter, 
clothing, and means of locomotion. Any defect in 
either of these natural tools renders him unable to 
satisfy his wants. Unless charitably inclined comrades 
of his species provide for the idiot, the cripple, the 
paralytic, and repair the waste for them, they must 
perish. 

Life, therefore, means work, and the joy of work is 
the joy of life. We see this in animal and human devel- 
opment. To be active, to create, to meet the constant 
need — these are titles to survival. Nevertheless, there 
is a tendency on the part of the more active to be kindly 
to the laggard. Even the drone is tolerated long before 
he is driven from the hive. Life consists in repairing, 
in compensating, for the inevitable waste. Death is the 
result of neglect. 

And ruminating thus I fell asleep, and dreamed 
a dream of Wonderland. There is no law, as yet, 
against dreaming. The nihilist may dream in Russia 
without awaking in Siberia. The most pious Methodist 
may dream of dancing without being in danger of the 
council, and he may escape brimstone and other satanic 



132 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

chemicals if his dream shift from the waxed floor to 
the poker table. William Morris dreamed a dream of 
anarchic communism and labeled it " News from No- 
where." Perhaps he derived more real pleasure from 
the dream than he could have realized from a " coming 
true " of the filmy fabric of his fatigue. 

Professor Triggs dreamed that he was in a city of 
comrades. He dreamed a little too loud and woke 
Charhe Hutchinson, who in turn woke the professor. 

In my dream of Wonderland, I seemed to be sur- 
rounded by the kindliest and most charitable beings 
that I had ever known. I saw able-bodied and alert- 
witted men and women who accepted charity as though 
it were their due. They did nothing for themselves 
nor for others, yet their every want and need was grat- 
ified by the dear people of Wonderland. 

The dolers of this charity kept for themselves barely 
enough to repair their own waste. Such beautiful 
self-immolation I had never seen. I saw the toilers 
working on the farms, cultivating grain that was being 
fed to fatten the cattle designed for the food of the 
beneficiaries of their charitable efforts. Others were 
building slaughter-houses, and others again were con- 
verting the live cattle into porterhouse and tenderloin, 
and still others were preparing these dainty cuts for 
the table of the recipients of this charity. And the 
latter required savory and piquant sauces of mush- 
rooms and capers and the like, in order that their 
appetites might be properly aroused and stimulated. 



IN WONDERLAND 133 

The workers, less dainty, needed none of these artful 
aids to appetite; for the bones and gristle and entrails 
they reserved for themselves. 

In my vision of Wonderland I saw others endanger- 
ing their lives in quarries, cutting out marble to orna- 
ment the beautiful mansions which the charitable were 
building for their wards. Many were content to be 
cooped up in stuffy factories manufacturing beautiful 
rugs and carpets to be enjoyed by the helpless ones for 
whom they were serving. I saw earnest men designing 
artistic furniture and inlaid musical instruments to 
adorn the elegant mansions of the beneficiaries of all 
this charitable endeavor. And the wives of the toilers 
were in the kitchen and their sisters in the laundry and 
their children in the shops, all striving to relieve the 
shghtest need of the helpless class. 

The workers themselves stole away to rest in 
cramped and poorly furnished garrets, damp basements, 
or under sidewalks. 

The wards of charity were never beaten or ill-used. 
No harsh words were spoken to them, nor were they 
reproached for their dependent condition. In this 
dreamland the charity wards were not set to work on 
the street nor sent to soup-houses for food, as is the case 
in the wideawake world. Instead, they were furnished 
fine carriages, drawn by spirited horses, while the donors 
of charity sat in livery. These accommodating dream- 
people were very considerate, responding to each nod 
and beck of their wards. 



134 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Believe me, Wonderland is the ideal place. No- 
where have I seen self-sacrifice and brotherly love exem- 
plified in such perfection. 

A loud voice woke me from my beautiful dream. 
It was the landlord, demanding the rent. 



INVENTORY 



INVENTORY 



THE term inventory is readily understood when 
used in commerce by persons who are engaged 
in some manner with the supply of the satis- 
faction of man's desire. If your industries figure into 
the millions, or if you are a clerk selling calico; if you 
are spending an allowance, or are a housekeeper depend- 
ing on your husband's or children's wages, you take 
stock. The method and time of taking stock varies. 
In vast industrial or commercial enterprises it is not so 
frequent as with the man of meager resources. The 
large commercial dividend-paying houses ought to take 
stock before they declare dividends. If they don't take 
inventory of the assets and the liabilities, they take 
inventory of the stockholders. The ones who can be 
easily frozen out of their stock considered as assets, the 
ones who cannot are marked as Habilities, for they have 
to be taken along in the combine when reorganization 
takes place. 

The man who sells his labor at one dollar per day 
need not work overtime to take stock; he takes stock 
mentally. "I get six dollars per week; can't have 
champagne for dinner; saloon must be my club; free 
lunch and 'schooner' is my bill of fare; one dollar for 

137 



138 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the week's lodging, fifty cents to Lizzie or Mary, and 
by Christmas I will have enough to get me a second- 
hand suit of clothes and an overcoat." 

Success in business does not depend so much on the 
largeness of the capital as upon the knowledge of how 
to use this capital to the best advantage. You find 
when you take stock what goods sold best, what paper 
is the best advertising medium, who is your best clerk, 
what departments you are to enlarge, and from what 
charity donation you got the most benefit. All must 
focus to this one point if you wish to succeed — to increase 
the assets, decrease the liabilities, get as much as 
possible, give as little as you can, and have the people 
satisfied. 

The taking of stock is not only in what we call legit- 
imate business. Even the criminals have a way of 
taking stock. The assets are the plunder, the liabilities 
are the risks. They have to figure as to the price of 
the policeman on the beat, what a pull with the alder- 
man will cost, and how about straw bail. The robber 
has his way, the preacher his way; there is not one that 
can escape it. 

It is not business alone that monopolizes stock- 
taking. In whatever you are trying to accomplish you 
must take inventory. Success does not depend so 
much on vastness of resources as on the knowledge of 
how to use the capital with which to work to the best 
advantage. 

In European countries even the family is inventoried 



INVENTORY 139 



— daughters are the HabiHties, sons the assets. With 
an income per annum of so much, if his children be sons 
he can hve up to the hmit; if girls he cannot; he must 
be saving for the dowry. It is amusing how some try 
to minimize the liabilities and maximize the assets when 
they are being inspected. 

The young man who calls on a girl with the intention 
of making an impression upon her, dresses in his best, 
takes out his Sunday manners, and shows himself off 
all assets and no habilities. And she has the parlor 
and sitting-room furniture dusted, massages and pow- 
ders her face, sprinkles rose-water on herself. If her 
cheek or her chin is beautiful she takes pains that he 
may see them, so a beauty spot is pasted that it may call 
attention; he cannot fail to notice it. And her lan- 
guage, how choice, and her voice, how different, when 
her best young man is there than when she scolds 
the cook. I know a lady who changes her voice auto- 
matically whenever a stranger is near. If you see 
her at that time you see a bundle of assets and no 
habilities. 

Stocktaking is not monopohzed by man. The tak- 
ing of stock goes on everywhere ; it is the most important 
factor in the world; it is responsible for everything 
there is. 

The forest with its animal life, the sea with its life, 
the air with its life, owe their being to the taking of 
stock in the beginning by the molecules and atoms 
which compose them. The world, with its pains and 



140 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

its pleasures, its happiness and its misery, its arts and 
its sciences, its progress and its woes, its smiles and its 
tears, is the net balance of the inventory. 

Natural selection is the result of the summing up 
as to whether you will remain where you are and receive 
hard knocks, or struggle to get ahead and change your 
environment to escape the knocks — and you have 
decided to change — which results in evolution. It 
began with the mystery of the world. It has been kept 
up ever since, and will continue unto its very end. 
Things that came into being are records ; and the things 
brought into being by the things are records. The 
world is a counting-house, life its book-keeper, and the 
net balance, man. 

The balance is the working capital of the future, 
and while the present balance cannot be changed, as 
that is the net results and is final, yet man thinks he 
can and exerts himself to change the balance, and does 
change it, but not for himself; the change is for the 
future. Man is working for the future by working in 
the now — for what he thinks the present will bring to 
him. Being uncomfortable where he is, he has to move. 
His motives in stepping up is the betterment of himself, 
and in so doing he unconsciously carves the future. 
Life is a series of stocktaking, from the cradle to the 
grave; the figures are alive; they are actors, spectators, 
and critics; some have the privilege of being players, 
and some are being played upon. 



INVENTORY 141 



Stocktaking is Judgment Day; then we get the net 
balance of the past, but do not forget that the lessons 
for the future are the most important in the day of 
inventory. If you miscalculate on that day you shall 
surely "go broke." 



LIFE'S MESSAGE 



LIFE'S MESSAGE 



I HAVE listened to what Life says, and I will tell you 
a few truths as I have them recorded. Not only 
have I heard, but I am the voice as well as the 
sender of the voice. Not only am I the messenger, but 
I am also bid to be the executor of the message. 

Life desires to get acquainted with you and what 
concerns you, and I would be pleased to have you know 
Life. As you are a stranger to yourself, therefore I will 
introduce yourself in me to yourself in me. There are 
so many of you in me that I can scarcely count you. 
There is you who have sinned and you who have 
sainted; you the judge passing sentence on you the 
convict. 

Come, all of you in me, and get acquainted with each 
other. Really you ought to like each other. Here you, 
shake hands with yourself! Love each other! As 
there is really only one of you, and when the different 
fragments of yourself shall have become united, you 
shall know Life. Come ! I will show you how to get 
at one with yourself. You are myself, you know; that 
accounts for my interest in you. You become a unit 
by sacrificing the different selves in you. Spare nothing. 
The Christ in you must be sacrificed with the evil in 

145 



146 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

you. I feel your reasoning self say, it is unreasonable 
that in order to live one must sacrifice self. I cannot 
help you any, for this is the law. It is reasonable also, 
and the only unreasonableness about it is your reason. 

The smith stands at his forge. Fragments of iron 
he welds into a bar. Each piece he passes through the 
cleansing fire before he can amalgamate them into the 
oneness of the bar. No fragment is spared this ordeal, 
else it would not unite. The fragment is lost — it has 
been absorbed by the bar. 

Of what service think you was the tiny strength of 
the isolated fragment ? But behold ! Its own strength 
it has sacrificed, but it has inherited the power of the 
bar. It is performing miracles. 

Of what use is your reason in separateness ? Reason 
is a part of you, and though it is important, it is only a 
small part of Life. You use reason in placing your 
food into your mouth instead of into your ear, but 
reason did not make the food, ear, or mouth; nor did 
it make anything else. Suppose your nose, which is 
an important factor on your face, should say there is no 
liver, because it nosed and found it not. Does that 
prove that the nose knows ? When your liver gets in 
such a state that the nose knows about it, your liver will 
be out of business as a liver. Yes, sacrifice is the law 
of Life. 

I see the doubter of yourself doubt. You wonder 
why it is that I should be more favored than you. Why 
don't Life talk to me ? you say. So you believe that I 



LIFE'S MESSAGE 147 

lie when I say that I hear Life. Well, you are right. 
I have lied, and it being true proves that what I said is 
true, and it in turn proves that I did not lie. 

The waste which your body throws off, because your 
body cannot use it, has become a lie, yet is not less truth 
than the stuff which your body absorbed and is truth. 
The waste makes the absorption possible. If you would 
spare your body the effort of separating and discarding 
the waste and reserving the life force from the food it 
ate, your body would be spared life, as it is nourished 
by the very thing you spared it of. Skepticism, lying, 
evil, falsehood, and pain are a part and necessary to 
life, just as the waste is a part of the food that has per- 
formed its service. And the work of separating the 
unpleasant from the pleasant, the lies from the truth, 
the evil from the good, the pain from the pleasure, is 
the food which life hves upon, and with which it could 
not dispense. It is true, I have not heard Life. Life 
does not talk to the ear, thus I could not hear. I saw 
the voice — No, that is a lie too! I did not see it; I 
felt it in my heart. No ! I did not do that either. Let 
me see, what did I do ? Well, I don't know what I 
did do, nor do I know how I came by Life's message, 
but I know it is the message of Life, and I am satisfied. 
Oh, I have it! I know now! I know! I know! 
Your scrutinizing self has somewhat confused me. 
What was it you said that you said .? Was it not some- 
thing about Life and a message ? Let's see, you had 
a message I believe, and were telling about it, and I was 



148 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

skeptical, and did not believe a word you said, and I 
embarrassed you by asking questions, and you could not 
explain how you came by Life's message. Tell us 
again, please. What did you say Life's message was ? 
Get together ? That's funny ! I am wrong, I know 
I am. If you look at me like that I shall go mad, I 
know I will. Let me think! You have me all be- 
fuddled. Oh, yes, you were trying to clarify to me the 
clearness of Life, and the Life which is not to be made 
clear. That which can be revealed in a vision, and the 
unvisionable you are trying to visionize. You were 
trying to reasonize Life, the what that can and the what 
that cannot be reasoned. 

You were trying to cram the universe into a pint 
measure. Time, love, sacrifice, happiness, wisdom, 
God, and what not, you were trjdng to measure with 
the toy foot-rule of reason which I gave you. You 
failed ! You are discouraged and doubt, and are angry ! 
Now I can see you laugh at me, mock me ! I see you 
pity me. Why should you laugh at me, why should I 
be pitied ? What have I done to be mocked ? Say, 
am I foolish ? What ! Ha ! ha ! You did not say 
anything about Life to me ? You say that it was I 
who was telling you about Life and its message. Really 
you are mistaken; it could not have been I. Who is 
*'I" ? There was once an I, but *T " is no more. It is 
you who lives in the house where I used to live, and you 
are so large that it fills me all. There is no room for 
" I " in there. In the whole of my being I feel you. It 



LIFE'S MESSAGE 149 

laughs when you laugh. It cries with you. It feels 
your pain. It loafs and sins with you. It saints when 
you saint; it reasons for you. So you see, it was not I 
who was talking, because there is no more I; I has 
moved and has taken apartments in Life. It was you 
talking to yourself; you laughing at yourself; you 
mocking yourself; you angry with yourself — and all 
because you could not explain. And why should you ? 
What is there to explain ? Is it then not all clear ? 

Hark ! and listen to what Life says. Life is talking 
now, talking through all its being, to all of yourself. 
How the grass smiles at you, and the moon, and the 
stars, how they look at you ! How all the animals, the 
birds, and everything in Life wishes to get at one with 
you ! And you understand them not ; you are listening 
for a voice to be heard with ears. You are waiting for 
a vision to be seen with eyes ; you are waiting for some- 
thing to be smelled and sensed. 

Life is all around you. It is in you and you find 
it not. Don't you know me ? It is "I," Life ! 

I am everywhere. I have no limitations. In the 
depths and on the heights, I am ! The winds take me 
in their breezes and in their gales; the sunlight in 
its shadows and in its brightness. I am in the song of 
the birds. The lowing of the kine and the roar of the 
wild beasts, I am. I glisten in the dew, and the spark 
of the diamond radiates me. The whisperings of the 
tree and brook, the thunders of the storm, the mighty 
rush of waters — all are mine. 



150 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

I am the Life of the forests ; the Life of the seas : I 
am the sea and the forest. I am the Life of the insects : 
I am the insects. I am the Hfe of the deserts: I am 
the desert. I am the hfe of the quadruped and the 
biped: I am the quadruped and the biped. I am the 
life of the good and the evil: I am the good and the 
evil — all are included in me. I am the best of that 
which is good and the worst of that which is bad — and 
that is good. 

By seeking you will not find me. When you have 
forsaken me I am with you. Come unto me, you weak- 
lings, and I will give you strength; you weary ones, and 
I will give you rest. Come you perturbed ones, and I 
will give you peace. And to you who are little children 
I will give wisdom. To love and to serve; to let Life 
live through you, from everlasting to everlasting. 

This is the message of Life. 



SYMBOLS AND TAGS 



SYMBOLS AND TAGS 



THERE is something the matter! A feeling of 
uneasiness is within me. What's up, I won- 
der ? My physician tells me that my liver 
is in good shape. My heart, he says, beats normal; 
he examined me carefully, and assured me that there 
is nothing wrong with me. My health seems to be 
good, and my appetite is in splendid working order. 
I have a place to sleep; I could have all the 
clothes I need; still, I am not very happy. There 
is something wrong — I know there is. A kind of 
restless feehng possesses me. I have examined my- 
self all over, and I cannot account for the cause of it 
within myself, because it is not myself that I feel; 
I feel others within me; I feel you. There is something 
radically wrong with me in you, which I feel. What 
is it that you have not, and for which your heart craves ? 
I feel that you feel lonely ; you feel that you are separated 
from something to which you ought to be united; you 
are like a wanderer, a stranger you are — even amongst 
your most intimate. You are hungry for love; you 
feel depressed because even the ones who love you love 
not you — but what you give them. 

Come, O my beloved! tell me; tell me whether 
153 



154 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

these are your symptoms? No, you need not; I feel 
you — way down deep in my heart I feel you; it is you 
who have not felt me knocking at your heart's door, 
and you have locked your heart and would not let me 
enter. I would have fed you, I would have nourished 
you; I know I would. I know you are Life-hungry, 
caused by your feeding on symbols instead of the real; 
it did not nourish you and you are famished. 

You have given symbols the place of the real things. 
You have accepted a thing, the value of which exists in 
the fact that it is redeemable in something of value; 
you have become contented with an order which is 
exchangeable for something you want — for the thing 
you want — and it does not satisfy you. Should you get 
a cheque, you would not be content unless there be funds 
to make it good. If I should present you with a meal- 
ticket you would not be satisfied unless you could go 
to the place and get the meal. 

Ideas are worthless unless you can realize them; 
they must be redeemed and acted before they become 
of value — you must live them. That's what ails you 
— ^you have overeaten on ideas. You have chewed up 
your meal-ticket, and wonder why you are still hungry. 

Instead of acts, which are the food of Life, you have 
substituted ideas, and Life in you famishes for things 
vital. You selected the wise to guide you, and they 
did ; you have the wise men to do the thinking for you ; 
you have them prepare beautiful thoughts, pickled, 
fried, or preserved, and you feed on them. How long 



SYMBOLS AND TAGS 155 

would your body last if you fed it on meal-tickets 
instead of the stuff which a meal-ticket will get ? It 
takes steak, potatoes, and the like to make tissue, 
muscles, and bone. You thought to be wise is to think 
wisely, which is true, but you must redeem the thought 
in acts. Thoughts are the soul of acts — and are 
worthless in themselves. That is the trouble; you 
thought there was merit in thinking wisely, and so you 
thought, and thought, and thought. If wisdom con- 
sists in thinking, it matters not the direction thoughts 
take. So the wise — with grave and serious energy — 
entered upon thought where no act was possible. A 
thought may have been valuable when conditions 
rendered a possibility of realizing action upon it in 
the end. Thought is worthless when it cannot be put 
into use. 

In your heart I find a foreign substance — an idol 
of symbol worship. This it is that poisoned your con- 
duct at its very source, and corruption has entered into 
every activity of life and produced myriad forms of 
hypocrisy. 

In theology you are given dead thoughts of the past 
and amazing theories of the future, none of which can 
issue in wise acts of to-day. You go about with reli- 
gious meal-tickets, yet finding no tables set; for you are 
supplied with worthless cheques upon the establish- 
ments of yesterdays and to-morrows. 

What care you for future worlds ? It is love and 
happiness in this world which you are after. What 



156 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

care you for the bones of the past or of the future ? 
It is the Hving bones and skin that interest me. The 
Bible is all right, but what of the Bible of to-day ? Re- 
ligion has become a belief instead of a life. Ask the 
priest of to-day what to do and he will tell you to believe. 
Then you believe that you are what you thought you 
would like to be. Jesus said, "Why call you me 
master and do not my commandments .?" and in the 
name of Him who tells you to do, the church tells you 
you can believe — but be damned if you do; we will not 
tolerate any nonsense; we have a place for silly fellows 
like you. 

Imagine yourself doing unto others what you would 
want them to do unto you ! How long do you suppose 
it would be before your friends would have a guardian 
appointed over you ? This belief is the keynote of 
hypocrisy, which has spread and become the fashion 
in all branches of activity; and to-day's unhappiness is 
the hypocrisy in man's life made apparent. 

Scientific thought takes the same direction — dealing 
with ideas, theories, classifications, and measurements — 
things which are not vital to human life and human 
happiness. Our scientists come forward with patho- 
logical explanations and theories concerning degeneracy; 
with charts, diagrams and skull measurements. They 
put complicated machines on the little fingers of our 
school-children to measure the out-go of their precious 
lives as they bend over the study of dim, dead pages. 

In the industrial field, the symbol takes shape in 



SYMBOLS AND TAGS 157 

veneers, shellacs and polishes; and men build great 
temples for their symbol-worship, and construct amaz- 
ing systems for the accumulation of wealth — systems 
built for ideas instead of for man ; systems that demon- 
strate such ideas as division of labor, and such a man 
as the crooked-backed accountant adding up a lifetime 
of figures, or the dim-eyed sweatshop toiler working out 
a hfetime of buttonholes. Systems that produce such 
helpless abortions as millionaires and tramps, systems 
that change happy, healthy, well-developed human 
beings into mere adjuncts and gives to the ones who 
actually produce the lowest caste of all. 

Art holds up to us the past — the Greek, the Gothic, 
the Renaissance; and the artist, driven to copy, neg- 
lects to produce the vital and living art of the present. 

In reform we go about calling ourselves reformers, 
not because we live a life of reform, but because we say 
that we do not believe in the old form. We call our- 
selves socialists, not because we practice socialism, but 
because we believe in the socialistic doctrine; and thus 
we believe we are what we believe we would like to be. 

You would object to the name of "scavenger," 
because you believe in removing the dung, but you will 
insist that you be called a good man, because you 
believe in goodness. 

If I should call you a capitalist because you beheve 
in making money, you would probably think I am 
making sport of your poverty. You would tell me that 
a capitalist is he who has capital, not he who is seeking 



158 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

to acquire it. Yet you do not hesitate to tag yourself 
socialist, anarchist, or single-taxist, though you only 
believe in the theory underlying your ism and do noth- 
ing toward living it. 

The less you have of a thing, and the less you are 
the thing, the more you talk about it. Lacking happi- 
ness, you talk it. Talking of art is conclusive evidence 
that you lack art. You talk of love when you feel the 
absence of love, and you think you have it by 
proclamation. Words, phrases, clauses, noise! The 
child calls an engine " choo-choo " because of the sound 
the machine makes when exhausting steam. The 
child thinks the function of the engine is to emit a certain 
kind of noise. So you are impressed with the enthu- 
siasm of your discussions in advocacy of your ism, and 
you think yourself to be the thing discussed. 

This symbol-worship is everywhere. Take the 
vaudeville; an old soubrette with no voice, no looks — 
let her cackle "Yankee Doodle," wave the flag, and 
she will receive applause for saving the nation. 

On three occasions I visited a concert hall in 
Chicago where they served poor meals and worse music 
for good prices. The orchestra each time played, by 
request, " My Country, 'Tis of Thee," and the patriotic 
feeHng was demonstrated by the applause. 

That's what ails you. You have been feeding on 
symbols. You have been trying to make yourself 
believe you are satisfied with applause, though you are 
starved for Life-food. You have tried to outgrow and 



SYMBOLS AND TAGS 159 

destroy the expression of naturalness through your body 
and mind. You have cut off every root and branch 
you could find which was holding you to naturalness, 
and in their place you put the substitute of symbols. 
Your mother and father, your uncle and aunt, and 
grandmothers and grandfathers, your school-teachers 
and Sunday-school teachers, and preachers, all united 
in demanding that you leave off naturalness and take 
on the symbols. 

Thus it is that man has lost his connection with Life 
and gropes in darkness and dwells in death. Nothing 
short of a complete turning away from this course of 
action is able to bring him into conjunction with Life 
as it is intended to express through his body and mind 
by means of his sensations. 



OCCULTISM 



OCCULTISM 



THE advantage I possess over other people is that 
so Httle is expected of me. Some of those who 
remain my friends, despite my being a fool, and 
others who love me because I am so amusing to them, 
talk of concepts which they have formed that cannot 
be made apparent to me. It may be that some day 
I, too, will develop an additional sense whereby I 
may learn to realize what to me at present is un- 
reahzable. 

My senses — those I am conscious of — seem to be 
working all right, though my being a fool may account 
for the untenableness of some of the conclusions I draw 
from observation. My sense of smell, when dealing 
with boiled cabbage, asserts a degree of insubordina- 
tion that requires a decided gratification for the sense 
of taste to overcome. A fool therefore becomes aware 
of things not only from an impression due to the concord 
of the senses, but likewise to dissension in that realm. 
The illustration of decaying eggs occurs to me also, but 
I am not such a fool as to introduce my conclusions 
concerning them in this connection. 

So the fool becomes aware of the existence of things 
from the impression they make on his senses. He sees, 

163 



164 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

feels, smells, hears, and tastes things; he knows then 
that they are. 

Some things affect all my senses, and some things 
can only affect two, and some but one sense, but all 
things must impress me; I must sense them in order 
for me to know of their existence. 

A man who is virtuous (knowing that I am not) 
hearing my statement, asked me if I thought virtue 
existed, and if it did he wanted to know what sense it 
affected. And I replied that my sense of humor was 
awfully affected when he was anywhere near me. He 
called me a fool ! I wonder if he sensed my reply. 

If our senses are faulty, or if even one sense is out 
of order, we fail to conceive that object which is con- 
ceived through that sense, and we do not know whether 
it exists or not. However, if our senses are in well- 
behaved working order, and we conceive not, we know 
the object does not exist. 

Take a man born blind, never having experienced 
the sense of sight; it is very difficult for him to imagine 
what sight is, and it would be very hard to give that 
man an impression of things you can see and he cannot. 
If you were to discuss color in the blind man's presence, 
all would understand what is being discussed except 
the blind man. He would wonder what you were 
talking about. But take a man who lost his sight, 
while you can lie to him regarding the color of an object, 
yet he knows that color exists, because he himself 
experienced it at one time. 



OCCULTISM 165 



Now, suppose that a new sense should develop in 
man, and supposing that that sense comes to but a few, 
then the language of those few, when talking about those 
things conceived by that new sense, would seem strange 
to the rest of mankind. They would not only not know 
what you were talking about, but they would not even 
know what it was that they lacked. This is exactly 
what has happened. 

The elect are having a new sense installed in their 
anatomy; caballa, or occultism, is its name. This new 
sense differs from the rest of the senses, in that it has 
no distinct place of abode in the human make-up. 
You cannot locate its dwelling-place; it has no definite 
house wherein it lives. 

All the other senses have offices, laboratories, and 
a most complicated diplomatic service and clearing- 
house, where they do their work. You must have eyes 
to see, and when you see something, there are messen- 
gers in the eyes which notify the brain as to what they 
see. Besides these, there are offices that are occupied 
by ambassadors of the other members of the body, 
stomach, sex, legs, hands, and all other members that 
make the body complete, have agents on the lookout 
for the wishes of its master. If your stomach likes a 
particular kind of food, its ambassador will be on the 
lookout for it, through the eyes, nose, mouth, etc. If 
sex predominates you, your ambassadors will sense a 
good-looking man within a certain radius. If you are 
blind, it means that you close up shop, that the offices 



166 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

and sub-offices of sight are closed, and so it is with the 
sense of smell and the other senses. This new sense 
has no particular place of abode. It has no distinct 
office with its desks and its laboratory force, where it 
performs its functions. Caballa or occultism sees with- 
out eyes, smells without a nose, feels without feelers. 

Now, the reason that the new sense has no home is 
because this new sense conceives things inconceivable 
to the other senses; therefore the very home in which 
it lives must be inconceivable and incomprehensible to 
the rest of the senses, and while the people have the 
assurance that it is there, it is invisible, therefore un- 
explainable to the mass of mankind that have not that 
sense. The wise men are awfully embarrassed by that 
fact, for if it had a home like unto the other senses, 
they could point to its home and say to the masses, 
" Do you see that bump ? This is the home of the new 
sense; caballa lives there." Although you cannot 
explain to the blind man what sight is, by letting him 
feel your eyes with your hands and then letting him feel 
his own, you could convince him that he is lacking 
something which you have. As there is neither hump 
nor bump to point to, the caballist cannot explain 
what that sense is to one who never had it. It is easy 
to explain a sense to a person who even once had that 
sense and lost it, but you cannot tell a person who never 
saw, the difference between lavender and pink. 

There have always been occultists, and always 
others who were not able to understand what it's all 



OCCULTISM 167 



about. The first record I can discover of Caballa is 
Talmudic. One of the stories of the Talmud tells of 
a cabalist who saw a bird standing up to his ankles 
in the sea, his head touching the clouds. The cabalist 
concluded that he could have some fun going in wading 
at that spot, but he heard a still small voice dissuading 
him by the assurance that where the bird was standing 
it was so deep that a woodchopper had lost an axe 
seven years before which had not yet touched bottom. 
This incident shows how difficult it must be to make 
cabalistic utterances appeal to the unoccult. 

Adepts are becoming more numerous. For a long 
time there were none in Occidental lands. Now Osh- 
kosh vies with Calcutta in the maintenance of New 
Thought societies, and Kalamazoo with Bagdad. 
Still the ordinary man and woman contends that the 
reason the idea remains misty to the practical mind 
is because there is no idea; that the very wise do 
not see things which are invisible to common people. 
Some go so far as to assert that the occultist is not en- 
dowed with a superior inteUigence but with a diseased 
mind. 

This is cruel enough to place the very wise on the 
same lowly levels with such fools as I. 

At the hotel in a little town where all the guests use 
a common parlor, there were waiting for "train time" 
a rabbi, an adept, and a Chicago drummer. The rabbi 
paced the floor excitedly, and was presently heard to 
say earnestly, "I see, I see!" Asked what it was he 



168 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

saw, he said, *'I see God on his throne in heaven, 
surrounded by the chosen ones who glorify his name." 

The adept thereupon paced the floor also, and ex- 
claimed " I see, I see !" And in reply to the inquiries 
of the others, he declared that he saw hell, with all its 
misery, where those who, while on earth, had lived 
contrary to the doctrine that " all that pleases must be 
vile" were being tortured ruthlessly. 

Then the drummer declared that he, too saw. 

"And what do you see .^" the others asked the 
earthly man of samples. 

" I see," he replied, " a couple of the dumdest fools 
in Illinois." 

He was only a drummer, and I am only a fool. 



THE FLY AND THE DONKEY 



THE FLY AND THE DONKEY 



THE school-teacher who criticized my juvenile 
attempts to write as prettily as the copperplate 
pattern across the top of the copy-book page 
went about her task in a kindly spirit. Had she 
rapped me across the knuckles I should have hated her, 
I know. 

"Napoleon wrote a very poor hand," she told me, 
"and he became a great man. He did not become 
great because his penmanship was bad, but in spite of 
that fact." 

My sex precluded my becoming a great man, 
whether my chirography aided or retarded such a 
destiny. Nevertheless, I received in that lesson a 
foundation of logic that "comes in handy" every now 
and then. 

So when I heard the story of the Industrious Flies 
and the Patient Ass, I rejected the reasoning of the 
wise fly, however satisfactory it may have been to the 
donkey. 

Once there was a man so foolish that he could 
understand the language of the insects. He owned a 
donkey. 

So it was that on a hot day, an ass pulling a heavy 
171 



172 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

load along a dusty road made no complaint except 
against the harassments imposed upon her by a swarm 
of flies. She lashed at the ravenous insects with her 
tail, made an occasional snap at them with her teeth, 
and a desultory dart at them with a hoof in her frantic 
effort to be rid of her tormentors. She laid down on 
the roadside, breaking the shafts of the wagon, killed 
some of the flies, but most of the flies got away and 
jumped on the ass again when she arose. This opera- 
tion was repeated a great many times. She was a tired 
beast when she reached her journey's end several hours 
behind time, and it was a relief to get into the friendly 
shelter of a stable, where she might enjoy hay and 
water, secure from the merciless flies. The wisest of 
the flies however had accompanied her into the stable, 
and, perching on the donkey's best ear, he buzzed his 
plaint of misery thus. 

"Thou dolt and ingrate! All day hast thou man- 
ifested displeasure because of the great love we bear 
thee. We sang to thee our sweetest songs, and our 
proddings gave thee strength to complete thy journey 
to this haven of rest. Had it not been for us how 
couldst thou have reached the succulent fodder which 
is now thy portion ?" 

The penitent ass bowed her head in shame before 
these reproaches. 

" I had not estimated your help at its proper value," 
she brayed, humbly, " and I beg to be forgiven, miserable 
sinner that I am !" 



THE FLY AND THE DONKEY 173 

Was ever donkey in such manner wooed ? I forgot 
to mention the fact that it was a " she " donkey. 

Away back in *' the blurred bush of bygones " it was 
a most important rehgious ceremonial to eat the flesh 
of our grandmothers. The priest of that day assured 
us of eternal damnation did we omit reverent regard 
for that sacrament, however tough the fiber of the feast. 

And the priest of this day tells us that, were it not 
for him, we would still be dining on grandma. 

"See what government has done for you!" shrieks 
the vehement politician. " It gives you your rights and 
protects you in them !" 

In refusing to admit the claims of priest and poli- 
tician I lay myself open to the indictment of being the 
same sort of an ingrate as the wise fly charged the 
patient donkey with being, but I know the story of 
Napoleon's handwriting, and the donkey didn't. 

Whatever progress humanity has made toward 
decency, considerateness and justice have been accom- 
plished in spite of church and state, and not because 
of them. 

Nevertheless the wise flies keep on buzzing their 
claims unto the patient donkey, and the ass believes. 

Every onward step from cannibalism, slavery, 
tjrranny, injustice, was made against the protest of 
church and state. 

Our truly great have become so only as they have 
taught us to laugh to scorn the magniloquent claims 
of authority. 



174 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Every form of Magna Charta, in every age, was 
wrested from some unwilling king, who protested that 
it was his great love for us that resisted our demands. 

Authority maintains its institutions in order to teach 
the masses patriotism, religion, and wisdom. It be- 
hooves us to discount authoritarian definitions if we 
would attain happiness. 

When the wise established institutions to inject 
wisdoni into fools, the foolishness of the fools infected 
the wisdom of the wise and they became foolish. When 
the state establishes military academies to train cowards 
into heroes, the cowardice of the coward is assimilated 
by the heroes, and they in turn refuse to fight. When 
great institutions are founded to teach the masses, 
the masses unlearn the professors, so that they question 
their own wisdom. While I agree with the wise ones 
that things will settle themselves all right, I must say 
that we have progressed in spite of them, and if we 
would see ourselves as the wise see us, then they must 
see that we are getting less and less religious, less and 
less virtuous, less and less patriotic, less and less wise. 

We are safe in abjuring authoritarian religion that 
we may become sanely religious. We must rebel 
against institutionalized patriotism if we would evince 
a decent regard for the rightful claims of humanity. 
We must become less wise and less virtuous from con- 
ventional points of view to be truly virtuous and prac- 
tically wise. 

Lest we be as the credulous donkey. 



NET BALANCE 



NET BALANCE 



THE task of taking stock of myself has not proven 
a pleasant one. I have been trying to figure out 
what society has granted me, and to what extent 
I have responded with an equivalent. I find that I 
wear clothes I did not make. I consume food I did 
not grow nor prepare. I inhabit a dwelling which I 
neither designed, built, nor furnished. I enjoy facil- 
ities of transportation, though I have built neither roads 
nor vehicles. 

Figure it as I may, I discover my account to be in 
a bad way. The assets present a goodly array, but 
they dwindle mightily before the overwhelming for- 
midableness of the list of liabilities. I have been run- 
ning into debt to society at an alarming rate. Funny 
I never thought of it until stocktaking day. 

Altogether the discovery is disconcerting in the 
extreme. My conscience is not a satisfactory book- 
keeper under these conditions. That conscience of 
mine will not allow my charging up against the liabil- 
ities the unction I would lay to my soul that I have been 
sympathetic, and held high ideals. And, indeed, when 
I essay to apply the unction I realize that I cannot 
find my soul. Where had my soul gone ? What had 

177 



178 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

become of that much-prized soul ? I have lost my 
soul in this insolvency. I tried to increase my spiritual 
assets by attaching myself to certain religious organi- 
zations, but could find no consolation there, till at 
last I decided that I ought to go into spiritual bank- 
ruptcy and ask for a receiver. In this wide world, 
where you can get most everything, I have failed to find 
the spiritual court with jurisdiction that qualifies it 
for that position. I have searched everywhere, and 
find to my amazement that all are in the same fix. 
Society as a whole is spiritually bankrupt — it, too, has 
lost its soul. 

The cause of this strange state of affairs I found 
to be not due to the direct intention of life to 
defraud itself, but society's spiritual auditors made a 
grave mistake in stocktaking. The trouble seems to 
be that these functionaries have underestimated the 
ultimate cost of things. They thought that the price 
it pays for its labor represents the cost. We have 
thought that pieces of mud, gold, and silver are equiv- 
alent to life, and that by paying a certain wage we had 
acquitted ourselves of all obligation. Then, by sup- 
planting men in the workshops with women and 
children, we reduced the cost, because we paid less for 
about the same stent of work. We thought society 
economical by putting children at work at mining our 
coal; that the seventy-five cents paid for their daily 
efforts represents the cost to society for getting the coal 
out of the mines. But this is not the cost ; it is the price. 



NET BALANCE 179 

The cost to society towers away above the price that 
figures in the commercial account current. The cost 
of working childhood at coal-mining is the brutali- 
zation of the embryo citizen; the killing of the love 
instinct that is in liim, and destroying the possibilities 
of a glorious manhood. The price has been paid but 
the big end of the cost is still a Hability. 

By putting women to work in noisome sweat-shops 
we cheapen the price of shirt-waists. But we do not 
reduce the cost. Unfitting the toiler for normal mother- 
hood, we encourage the production of poorly bom 
children from her tired frame, and such progeny are in 
the account. Look there for the cost. We cannot 
destroy souls without finding the item writ large in the 
account at judgment day ! 

Man must work to enjoy life. When his work is 
to his liking, and he is fitted to perform the service, 
the cost is very little, or none at all. Then his work is 
educative and he develops; it is nourishing and he 
grows. If he be doomed to monotonous work that 
calls up no note of joy in his heart, and where no 
thought is necessary, wherein some muscles are over- 
exerted while others have insuflficient play, we make 
our toiler lopsided, and for his loss of symmetry and 
unfoldment society must pay, and it is in the account 
over and above the price we have paid with the dross 
of money. 

When work is pleasure it requires no spielmark 
requital — the pleasure is its sufiicient pay. Where 



180 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

there is not joy in the work no price is sufficient. *' It 
is only by thought that work can be made pleasurable, 
and it is only by work that thought may be made 
healthy." 

Society is morally bankrupt. We have sold our 
birthright for a mess of pottage. The wealth of a 
nation does not consist of an inventory of its gold and 
silver coin vaults, nor its gold and silver epaulettes on 
the trappings of its military and naval heroes, nor its 
gold and silver trimmings on the apparel of dear Lady 
Disdain, nor in the gold and silver that flows through 
the arteries of commerce. The solid assets of society 
consist of its arts, not in pictures and statues in the 
museums nor in the monuments in the parks; not in 
the grandeur of the public buildings, but the pleasure 
in the lives of the people, made beautiful by devotion 
to the arts of peace. 

Oh, Angels of Heaven and devils from Hades, come 
and help me to lament the great '' I am" ! Let us weep 
crocodile tears for man that built the world. Man has 
conquered nature, cleared the forests, erected great 
cities, and civilized a world — and has lost his own soul. 

Art for art's sake; money for money's sake; loiowl- 
edge for the sake of knowledge; science for the sake of 
science; virtue for virtue's sake — but nowhere an3i:hing 
for Man's sake. Man built a world and left himself out. 

O Divine Mathematics ! What a net balance is this ! 



THE UNIVERSAL SECRET 



THE UNIVERSAL SECRET 



WHAT is it that everybody knows, and is talk- 
ing about, and still remains a secret ? You 
don't know ! Well, let me put the question 
differently. What is it that you discuss with your friend, 
with your husband, your husband with his friends; 
girls among themselves, boys among themselves; a 
respectable man never with a lady; a mother will keep 
it a secret from her daughter, a father from his son, a 
teacher from a pupil; something that everybody 
possesses, yet it is a secret ? Well, I will tell you. 

It is sex ! 

Anything pertaining to sex is talked of in whispers 
in society (for fear the guardian of morality might 
overhear). It is too vile a subject to be discussed. It 
is called immoral by church and state, and for that 
reason you can discuss it with your friends of the same 
sex behind closed doors, but not of the opposite sex 
under any condition if you wish to be classed among 
the respectable. We discussed it at the academy where 
I was sequestered. We locked the doors and talked 
about it. Yes, and we did more than that; we — no, I 
don't beheve I will, until I consult the postmaster- 
general. 

183 



184 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

A friend of mine, a little Jew, was telling some 
stories of the Talmud, among them the ritual of sex. 
I tolerated it, there being others present. After they 
had left I told him that if he wanted to tell immoral 
stories, not to tell them in my house. My friends have 
told me the same things in a more forceful manner, and 
I did not think them immoral. The story in itself was 
not immoral; the immorality consists in that it was told 
by a person of the opposite sex. The wise by their 
continuous slander have created a feeling that sex and 
all its relationship is vile, and is to be dreaded, and is 
only tolerated as a matter that cannot be helped. How 
very much nicer, cleaner, and holier it would be if babes 
could be gotten from the church or government ware- 
houses! How much cleaner and holier we would be 
were we sexless beings. Some of the wise are even 
looking for a time when we will evolve to a sexless 
state. O what a picnic ! What a fool God must have 
been not to know in the first place that he had to wait 
for some people he made to get wise so they would be 
able to tell him how to work the game of evolution. 
But I think that he will not even consider that sexless- 
state proposition which is being agitated by the wise 
men. I think that now, like always, he agrees with 
Rosey, who declares that sex and the use of it is most 
divine. If there is anything that should be reverenced 
more than any other thing in the world it is sex. I 
do not mean motherhood — even the wise have no 
objection to that. I do not mean womanhood — I mean 



THE UNIVERSAL SECRET 185 

the organ of sex. The whole universal scheme is sex — 
it is the holiest of holies. 

The use of sex is evolution beginning with proto- 
plasm and on and on until we reach man. Nothing 
is great that does not contain sex. There is no great- 
ness in art unless sex be there. A painting is not great 
without it. It is the harmony of music, and poems 
would be dull without love of some kind. The plumage 
of the bird and its songs are all for the pleasing of sex. 
It is the cause of the struggle and happiness of the world. 

The miner who spends his life in the mines does so 
to please a wife, a sweetheart, or his progeny. 

The man who goes to war, the man who toils in the 
shop, he who works on the farm — all are moved by sex. 
It is divine and holy. Sex is the motive power, from 
the tiniest amoeba to the most complicated organism. 
The urim and thummim was considered holy. With 
bare feet and bowed head the high priest approached 
it. With fear, reverence, and a trembling heart he 
consulted it, because through it God spake. Words or 
language that would be adequate for expression there 
are none; it is only when words fail us, it is only when 
language would blaspheme, and retard to silence — it 
is then, and then only, that we can worship the most 
holy of sanctuaries — sex. Through it God reveals him- 
self. 

The earth that possessed us before we were, and 
whither we shall all of us in due time return, what is it 
unless it be the sex of the universe. Mother earth we 



186 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

call her, on account of her birth-giving nature. Minus 
everything attributed to womanhood, she does not 
nurse us nor possess the breasts of a mother; she is like 
a mother only in sex. The reception of the seed, the 
care of it, and the birth of an object is what you see in 
the earth. 

Look everywhere ! What do you see ? The plant- 
ing of an acorn and the birth of an oak; the planting of 
com seed and the birth of a corn-field. The whole 
operation is birth and getting ready for birth, and 
seeing all of this, I feel that there is nothing diviner or 
more miraculous than sex and the operation of sex. 
Think of it ! A seed planted and when rotten it takes 
root, and then the birth of a God ! 

The redemption of the world will be only when sex 
will be reverenced and honored, and when men and 
women cease to make traffic of themselves. Then we 
will not try to put asunder by intellectual rules that 
which life has joined together by Love. 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 



GOD is where ? What is He ? And what are his 
schemes ? Had I been wise I would have gone 
about solutionizing wisdomatically, by consult- 
ing the elders and the wise of the tribe. I would have 
sat at the feet of the learned and absorbed wisdom. 
Rabbi Emil G. Hirsch, President Roosevelt, and Pro- 
fessor William R. Harper could have enlightened me. 
But being as I am, I went about it like one hunting 
that which he really expects to find. When I look for 
my lost garter I do not go to the church or university 
to hear a lecture about it, neither do I go to the public 
library to read up on the subject. Instinctively I move 
chairs, bureaus, and dressing-cases. I light a match 
and look to see if it did not roll into some corner. The 
same way I went about finding God. I looked about ! 
I found a world filled with entities. Some resembled 
me, some different, some I know not what they were. 
A being I discovered called ''myself" separated from 
and struggling with the world. It was myself that was 
the most important, because it was I that felt, it was I 
that was impressed. It was I that had ambitions; like 
Atlas, I carried the world with its problems on my 
shoulders, and was afraid to move for fear that I would 

189 



190 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

slip and the world would fall and the problems would 
remain unsolved, for it was I that was to solve them. 
It was I, I, I. A God could not be found anjrwhere. 
There was no room for one. There was nothing that 
I saw that would indicate a God anywhere. There 
was nothing but objects and space. The objects were 
surely the objects and God could not be space. 

My struggle with the world was great, and when 
I thought that I had almost succeeded in mastering 
the world it crushed me into a oneness with all-there-is. 

Then I saw entities separated by space, united to 
each other by space which separates them. Nothing 
lives by itself for itself. Ever3i;hing lives in the whole. 
To lose one's self in the whole is to serve and gain the 
service of the whole. This way God revealed himself 
and expanded through me and absorbed the world. 
I saw the oneness of it all. Then I understood the 
whole, felt the whole. I saw that problems are not 
in life, but it is in the being that is out of harmony with 
self yet in perfect harmony with nature. Like a pupil 
going to school unwillingly, so is the inharmonious self, 
trotting along in perfect harmony with the universal 
whole. God exists through the gratification of the 
desires of the entities of which life consists, they being 
charged with a nature that is impressed pleasantly and 
unpleasantly. One disintegrates and the other re- 
cuperates. It seeks the one and avoids the other. The 
sense nature is Life's guide. Things that are pleasant 
for it are absorbed, and things that are not are repulsed 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 191 

by the vegetable. An animal will not eat anything 
that will injure his health. By instinct danger is sensed 
by all with more accuracy than by man with his psychic 
forces. And why not ? Are they not a part of God, 
even as you and I .'* 

Man also began with these sure and unfailing 
guides. They led him through the different periods 
of development from the protoplasm till he became 
man. By seeking pleasurable associations and avoid- 
ing the painful ones he reached the highest pinnacle. 
It was God evoluting himself by following his heart's 
desires. At this stage it was that man fell. He ate 
from the tree of knowledge and was driven out of Eden. 
He became wise and was going to do something for 
himself; his intellect made him deaf to the callings of 
his heart. He became ambitious to look for himself. 
His scheme was to work out his own evolution and 
leave behind the whole that sacrificed and contributed 
to his making. He was to build for himself mansions 
in the sky, put on wings and fly away, and like the fox 
in the fable he was rewarded. (A fox once crossed a 
creek with a piece of stolen cheese in his mouth; he saw 
his reflection in the water, and he opened his mouth to 
catch the shadow, thereby losing the morsel he had.) 
So by grasping with the intellect man's sense nature 
becomes perverted. And he has contracted abnormal 
desires. He overeats, overdrinks, overindulges in sex, 
and that works for his destruction. Abnormal desires 
are those you cannot gratify by gratifying them. The 



192 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

more you indulge them the more your appetite for 
them is. He became subject to diseases unknown to 
any other being, and no sign of his repentance as yet. 
He still refuses to confess. He sees that a mistake 
has been made, but he is going to redeem himself. 
Were he less intellectually wise he would say to him- 
self, "My troubles came because I listened to the 
clamors of my intellect. As they are faulty they 
guided me wrong. Henceforth I will hearken to Life, 
which guided me till now." But instead of that he 
reasons that his troubles came upon him because he 
did not heed his intellect enough. His ideals were not 
suflBciently high, he argued. He will make himself 
better by making laws to keep himself in check. He 
will fine himself for the gratification of liis desires. 
He will put a license on drink and establish marriage 
as a preventive. 

But "stolen fruits are sweet" — desires increase 
by prohibition and condemnation, and by restriction 
he became totally depraved. What he condemns in 
daytime he indulges in at night. So of all the beings 
in Hfe, man, with his high ideals is the only prostitute. 
His hands, feet, brain, eyes, nose, mouth, stomach, 
liver, and sex he uses not for the purpose to which 
evolution dedicates them, but for traffic. 

In going downtown, I noticed a crowd looking in at 
a window. I stepped up and saw a beautiful girl blow- 
ing soap bubbles. That would have been all right if 
it had been play. Her body would have been nourished 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 193 

by the exercise, for she would have enjoyed it; but there 
she was in an illy ventilated space behind plate glass 
advertising a soap, that she might secure money where- 
with to buy the things she wanted. It was degrading 
her body, and she was a prostitute accordingly. 

Life created the brain to overcome difficulties, and 
the pleasure of overcoming difficulties is its joy; but to 
use it in designing the manufacture of adulterated 
food, embalmed beef, shoddy clothing, is prostitution. 

And just as the whole person is affected when only 
one member of his body is used improperly, so when 
life has one specie that degrades itself, God as a whole 
is thus affected. So, if not for your sake, then let it 
be for the sake of the little collie dog I love, I implore 
you to cease prostituting yourself, as it hurt's Fido's 
dignity. A friend of mine, in deploring conditions, 
hoped that we would revise our statutes to make it 
harder to get a divorce. My remark that if I had my 
way I would give a divorce to any one who asked for 
it, was countered by the inquiry, " Do you want us to 
be like animals f" In her statement I found the key- 
note of the reasonings, also the root of the tragedy of 
the human family. Man acts according to what he 
believes himself to be and is not, therefore his actions 
are unnatural. The sense nature is God himself 
guiding himself through all that God is. 

But man believes that he is not animal; he means 
that he is not subject to the universal law, that he can 
violate the principle of life and thrive. He thinks he 



194 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

may blaspheme God and avoid the penalty, conse- 
quently he refuses to be guided by Life's guide. He 
prefers to plan, scheme, and to do everything contrary 
to nature's promptings, and if possible repudiate sense 
nature altogether. 

Rent, interest, parasitism, governments, jails, 
churches, marriage, abortions, contracepts, doctors, 
lawyers, preachers, universities, sheriffs, elections, 
misery, trouble, and business are all institutions of the 
intellectual man. Animals have not got them and have 
no use for them. The only reason for their being is 
it give us an air of refinement, you know, to have 
such things. 

Marriage does not prevent cohabitation; marriage 
gives an opportunity for degradation. 

Theoretically marriage curbs passion; in reality it 
degrades womanhood — it licenses prostitution. 

The father's and mother's desire that their daughter 
marry well is to make successful commerce of herself 
so that she will have an easy life. The girl in school, 
in the store, in shop, or in the kitchen, is ambitious to 
marry so she will not have to work. 

*'You have married me and have to support me. 
If you don't, I will put you where the dogs won't get 
you " — have you heard that ? What is that except to get 
some one's support by selling yourself ^ He is called 
a clever young man who marries a rich wife. The 
dukes, princes, and barons who flock to our shore are 
all looking for easy snaps by making commerce of 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 195 

themselves — selling their titles and throwing them- 
selves in as a prize. They are prostitutes. 

God's life would be as short as the life of its entities 
were it not for that sex sense which works for the per- 
petuation of life. 

Evolution is a sex law. Natural selection, more 
and more complex organism, finer and finer reproduc- 
tion, is God's method for beautifying himself in man. 
Protoplasm did not scheme to have a progeny different 
from itself. God in the entity of Mrs. Protoplasm 
desired to reproduce himself to something which he 
was not — and he did. 

A woman desires to be mated to a man who possesses 
qualifications which make for better progeny — life 
seeking to excel itself. One flower selects the co-opera- 
tion of another not of its kind, and new flowers come 
to be. One mineral selects another, and the birth of 
a new mineral is the result. New animals, new birds, 
new stars, and new worlds come to be from this natural 
selection. The intellect would call that selection 
prostitution, and the reproduction illegitimate, but 
there is no illegitimacy in God. Illegitimacy is an 
institution of the wise, and the wise are only a small part 
of Life, the same as the bastard and the fool. And 
whenever the wise become too wise God reveals himself 
in the guise of a fool to show them that they don't 
know the things they thought they knew. 

Goodness and badness are within ourselves, from 
the very lowest to the very highest. Does it please or 



196 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

displease us, is the test for goodness or badness. A 
thing, a man, an action, cannot be good or bad of itself. 
Its relationship to us determines its value. A thing 
does not please us because it is good. It does not dis- 
please us because it is bad. It is good because it 
pleases us; it is bad because it displeases us. 

An over-ripe egg and limburger cheese are equally 
unpleasant to one of our senses, yet we call the cheese 
good and the egg bad because its relationship to our taste 
is pleasant as to cheese and otherwise in case of the egg. 

Every one has the judge in his own heart. And the 
judges within ourselves render decisions, and we act in 
accordance with the bribe we receive, and the best of 
us along with the worst are being constantly bribed. 
The bribe always is satisfaction to ourselves. The only 
difference is that we are not all pleased alike. Some of 
us can be bribed with personal gratification, and some 
of us get our satisfaction only in the satisfaction of 
others. A good man is he whose satisfaction is the 
satisfaction of others. A bad man is he whose satis- 
faction excludes others. A good man is he who attains 
pleasure by seeking to contribute to the pleasure of 
others. A bad man is one who seeks the satisfaction of 
his own wants regardless of the interest of his fellows. 

When I lose a thing I am just as much lost to the 
thing as the thing is lost to me. Our relationship is 
gone; we cease to be in communion with one another. 

The soul of man is not lost that it needs be saved. 
Lost is the soul which thinketh that it needs saving. 



WHERE I FOUND HIM 197 

The righteous and pious who condemn and claim 
that man's soul is lost and needs saving are in themselves 
lost to the extent that they condemn. So the soul which 
needs saving is not the one condemned, as the con- 
demned do not condemn. The condemned do not cast 
themselves off from the virtuous. The virtuous cut 
themselves off from the thing they condemn, and thereby 
become lost and need saving. To the extent that you 
condemn, to that extent you are cut off from life and 
are lost; and moreover, life is hindered in its free action, 
even in the parts which are considered virtuous. It is not 
the sinner that Jesus came to save ; the sinner is not lost. 
It is the saints who need saving. By condemning they 
are cut off from life, and they will be saved only when 
they reconcile themselves to whatsoever they condemn. 

The sum total of my search is this: had I known 
enough to look for God in a wise manner I would have 
had a problem on my hands. As the balance is not at 
all flattering, and to keep my self-respect, I would have 
to condemn every other self, that I may place myself 
above them and thereby separate myself from God. 
Going about in the manner I did, I discovered God is 
everywhere, God is everything, and his schemes are to 
have a good time with himself and by letting life express 
itself through me to obey the callings of life through 
my heart I am at one with all-there-is — with the pros- 
titute in the church and school, as well as with the one 
who sells himself or herself for a crust of bread. Therein 
lies the advantage of not being wise. 



FREE LOVE 



FREE LOVE 



EVERY religion is based on a God of Love. 
The saying of Moses in the old testament, 
*' Love thy neighbor as thyself," and what Hillel 
in the Talmud said, " What is hateful to you do not to 
your neighbor," and that which is proclaimed by Jesus 
in the Sermon on the Mount, " Do unto others as you 
would have them do unto you," and the one by Con- 
fucius, *' Do not to another what you would not desire 
that he do unto you" — each of these sayings is called 
the Golden Rule, and they are accepted as a religious 
principle by a large following. Combined they cover 
the religion of the world. Why then do not the reli- 
gious people religiously love ? Why does wisdom then 
fail ? 

It is not for me to assume the guidance of the good 
and the wondrous wise ; yet, may I not wonder whether 
the failure of practice to conform to precept may not 
be a misconception of love by the wise ? 

Suppose I had been experimenting with a coloring 
herb for years and had failed to get results. The very 
first to say that my formula is wrong would be the wise. 
They would insist that some one else should have the 
opportunity to try his recipe. I wonder what is wrong 

201 



202 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

with that Love scheme of the wise. Everybody seems 
to want it. It is talked about by all and no one seems 
to have it. What's up ? Church and State have ever 
been repositories of this wisdom, so I blame them for 
the failure to make it work, and I ask you for the 
privilege of demonstrating my love formula. 

Church and State would make us believe that love 
is injected by force; it comes, they say, from some 
mystic where to the chosen few, who alone can furnish 
that article to those who feel in need of it. Therefore 
they established institutions, such as Sabbath schools, 
sewing circles, social settlements, reform clubs, anti- 
cigarette leagues, anti-vice societies, and the thousand 
and one others, for the purpose of changing the heart 
of man. Man will love when his heart is changed, they 
all say. I cannot imagine any advantage in changing 
that shape, which required ages to evolve, to a round 
or star shaped heart. Beware, says Church and State, 
of getting love or into love by taboo paths. Obey 
Church and State, that thy days may be long in the sort 
of happiness which they ladle out to you. Love of any 
brand that has not the sanction of Church and State is 
lust and passion. To supply yourself without paying 
duty you are not only not receiving the genuine article, 
but are smuggling as well. The punishment for 
smuggling, if your case comes within the jurisdiction 
of the Church, is fire, brimstone, torment, ostracism, 
and other devices that may be summed up under the 
general head, Hell. Those who declare their alle- 



FREE LOVE 203 



giance by full payment of the required duties are prom- 
ised harps of a thousand strings (with sufficient finger 
equipment to fetch forth heavenly music), golden streets, 
avenues of jasper and amethyst, radiant halos, rapid- 
action wings, and a large repertoire of songs. The 
State likewise has a schedule, whereby both rewards 
and punishments are not so long delayed. 

These penalties, whether in the hereafter in hell or 
before you have time to get there, are in the name of 
love, law and order, progress, and good citizenship. 
After having a fair trial for a few thousand years, I 
charge them with incompetency, their formula being 
an entire failure. I have examined their books, and 
the net balance found is great liabilities and no assets. 
Man is further away from happiness and love than ever 
before they took charge. They had good advertising 
and a fair trial, and have failed to produce results. 
Man is getting further and further away from Love. 
Instead of here and there a murder they are slaugh- 
tering themselves and each other by the wholesale; 
strikes, lockouts galore; jails, prisons overcrowded; 
the soldier's home, the orphan's home, the homes for 
foundlings, the home for the incurable, the home for 
reformed prostitutes, testify that the people are getting 
further and further away from brotherly love. 

"Reverse!" says Jacob. "The assumption that 
the mass of mankind is a loveless agglomeration of in- 
dividuals is false, and accounts for the falsity of our 
common life. You have been trying to grow your 



204 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

potatoes on top of the stalk instead of underground. 
They will not grow there. Nature has decided other- 
wise. If you desire potatoes you must look for them 
where life has placed them." 

"Reverse your entire plan of life, cast away the 
things you have taken up ; gather up the things you have 
cast away. Take off the label ' Evil ' you have placed 
upon the things you have cast aside and label it * Good.' 
Seek in the opposite direction for life, and you will find 
rest, love, and satisfaction." 

There is in the heart of the *' masses " a great sur- 
ging volume of love seeking an outlet. There is in 
the hearts of these people a vast wealth of love that 
clamors to be freed from all imposts and repressions. 
But a sentinel stands in the way preventing expression. 
There is a taboo on free expression of Love. 

This vigilant sentinel-inspector of the custom-house 
of Church and State stands ready to fire on whoever 
frees Love. 

This is the world's tragedy, that its Love is in 
bondage ! O for the great Emancipation ! Sore is the 
heart of man, for Love is in chains ! 

Do you think people need to be educated to love ? 
Observe the gallery of a cheap playhouse; hear the 
illiterate, unkempt street waif applaud with all the 
vigor that a loving heart commands when the heroine 
is saved from mimic danger. You laugh at the cordial 
plaudits that the gallery yields to melodrama. That 
is because you know no better than to mock the spon- 



FREE LOVE 205 



taneity of love. We dislike spontaneity. It is too free 
and unrestrained. We crave reposeful dignity. Think 
of a dignified Cupid ! 

Do you remember reading the story of that poor con- 
vict who escaped from prison and had succeeded in baf- 
fling the searching parties. He was securely shielded in 
a thicket near a village. There was an alarm of fire, and 
he heard a frantic mother shrieking for assistance for 
the rescue of her child. To offer help meant rein- 
carceration. Nevertheless he did not hesitate. His 
face was scorched when he delivered the child un- 
scathed to its mother, but under the soot and burns 
there was a look of satisfaction even when the officers 
took him back to his living tomb. 

TMiat is tliis enthusiasm of the newsboy and the 
convict ? Is it not love ^ Society imprisons the one 
and degrades the other, because they are judged to be 
without love. 

Take the word of a fool that society's wisdom is at 
fault. The misery of the world is due, in spite of all 
your findings to the contrary, to the fact that the heart 
is not free to express itself; and how to free the heart is 
the problem. 

If I have an ulcer in my throat and am nearly fam- 
ished because of the difficulty of swallowing my vic- 
tuals, the problem that confronts me is not how to 
increase my appetite, but how to assuage it. Read the 
faces of the people and you will see that their heart is 
breaking because they love and are prevented expression. 



206 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

The man who dropped a nickel in the cable slot 
to stop the car was wise in comparison to him who 
thinks that Love can live otherwise than free. 

Love does not work at all unless it be so simple as 
to be automatic and spontaneous. It is not by "trying," 
but by "letting," that happiness is realized. Little 
children love without restraint, and they are and remain 
happy until a perverted education prompts them to 
suppress love. To love! To love freely without 
analysis or question. Love and the capacity to love 
increases until it is all-embracing. He who loves, loves 
even when hated, is true to the love law. If I love you 
because you love me, that is barter, not love. My love 
will then depend on the extent of your love for me. 

If you love God because of the desire to go to 
Heaven, the conception you have of Heaven determines 
the extent of your love. As you really cannot conceive 
Heaven, you really do not love him at all. Anything 
worth having cannot be bought, therefore you get it 
for nothing. Love that can be bought is not worth the 
price. The most precious thing in life is the love of 
my mother. I received it gratuitously and undeserv- 
ingly, giving pain in return. I love with all my being, 
even if the torments of Hell would be its reward. I love, 
because I love to love. 

Love does not come by talking about it, not any 
more than a corn-field comes into being by talking 
about it. Suppose all the gardeners of the city would 
talk and pray flowers, how many flowers will you 



FREE LOVE 207 



have ? How unreasonable you are to expect love to 
come that way. This is the law of propagation : a seed 
must be sown in order that an object may grow and 
multiply. 

The blockade is effective, and I admit that I do not 
know how we shall raise it, for they who make it so 
can supply you arguments by the ton that it is wise as 
well. And the world is with the blockaders. 

The miscreant who cries "Stop thief!" when run- 
ning from his pursuers has this sort of blockader wis- 
dom. Who, indeed, would think of seeking the thief 
at the very head of the chase .^ Likewise it is that they 
who most earnestly preach to us to love our neighbors 
are the most diligent in preventing us from giving 
expression to that impulse. 

They who so loudly preach this — does their love 
evince any semblance of it in their treatment of their 
fellows ? Is it love that proclaims that the husband- 
man must pay *' duty " for the use of the earth ? Is 
the love he preaches back of such a claim ? It is the 
wolf in the covering of a peaceable lamb. Love is the 
landlord's mask. It is fair to look upon, and he em- 
ploys the blockading forces of church and state to lull 
us with his false pretenses of love. And it is the chief 
business of society to justify the mask. 

But a velvet glove covers the mailed fist. It is a 
part of the garish masquerade. And so we do not see 
the iron hand beneath its false exterior. We are 
soothed by the very insistence of kindliness which the 



208 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

velvet glove denotes. And so we do not recognize the 
force that inheres in the armor that it conceals. Else 
would we discern the challenge and meet it. It's a 
clever game, there's no denying. And right well do 
the blockaders play it. The blockade is not main- 
tained, they assure us, for our hurt, but for our pro- 
tection. How dearly we love our protectors; and how 
well they know that when we discover that the mystic 
inscription on their banner means force that we too 
will employ force. But no one sees through the decep- 
tion save here and there a fool. 

Any scheme of society that requires force to main- 
tain its stability must fail. Society professes to be the 
defender of right and justice. More than half of man- 
kind accepts this protestation without cavil. Yet I 
am the only fool ! 

There's not a land title in all the world that is free 
from taint of force and fraud. Not one. For no one 
can claim title from the maker. And there is no other 
valid title to ownership. And they who defend land 
titles are accessory to fraud. This is a stern indict- 
ment, though writ by a fool. This army of fraud is 
the force that prevents the interflow of love that would 
make all the world a paradise were it free. 

Your heart cries for a chance to live and love. It 
is dying to love and your wisdom stands in the way. 
How long, I ask you, do you think that Life will 
consent to let you suppress love ? 

Has not history taught you that when fools awake, 



FREE LOVE 209 



stretch, and shake themselves, the wise look foolish ? 
I see that you do not understand. 

One of the blockaders said to me not long ago that 
he could trace his title back to the original conqueror. 
He does not see the danger in the admission that his 
titles are of conquest, for I may some day feel like con- 
tending with him on that basis for his holding. When 
we no longer acquiesce in titles by conquest they will 
fall. And with the fall we will not need to meet force 
and fraud by force and fraud. 

There is no love in bond-love. There is no freedom 
in love short of all freedom. 



OSTRACIZED 



OSTRACIZED 



WALKING along the street one day, my mind 
occupied with the urgency of getting money 
that I might be successful, I came upon an 
object prone upon the sidewalk. "Some drunken old 
woman," I muttered to myself, as I passed slowly on. 
After having taken a few steps I stopped, seemingly 
compelled to look back upon the woman; I saw that 
she was struggling to get up on her feet. She had seen 
my action, and now as her eyes rested upon me, she 
stretched forth her arms and said : 

" Sister, help me to get up, and I will make you free." 
My sympathies went out to her at once; a desire 
came over me to help her, not because of her promise 
to make me free, as I was not aware that I was other- 
wise than free. We have freedom all over this great 
country of ours. Nevertheless, I was conscious of a 
hesitation, due doubtless to a fear that my yielding to 
compassion in giving a helping hand would be ruinous 
to my career. 

*'^Vhat will the people say," thought I. "They 
will surely laugh and guy me." With this thought I 
was about to proceed on my way, when the woman 
called out: 

213 



214 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

" I am not drunk, child ; I am only weak from being 
knocked about so much." Her voice won me, it being 
rich, melodious, and soothing. I stepped toward her 
and at once assisted her to arise. 

*'For this kind act I will reward you. I will tell 
you the history of my life," she said. I know now that 
I did wrong in listening to her. As I look over the past 
I can see that it was she who arrested what might have 
proved a successful career. My evil nature managed 
to get the better of me. I gave her my arm and walked 
her away from the crowd, as though we were very 
intimate. 

"I hate crowds," she said; "they are always so 
stupid that they are not accountable for their actions. 
They have eyes, yet do not see; ears they have, but hear 
not; minds they have, but think not. I hope you are 
not one of the kind to be found in that crowd." 

She paused, focused her big, brilliant eyes on me, 
and continued : 

"My story is this: When I was very young and 
handsome I fell in love with a young prince, and he 
with me. His father, the King, did not oppose the 
match, so in due time we were united. My prince was 
the handsomest and most accomplished in the world, 
learned, and a master of sciences. For miles people 
came to hear his lectures. He was sought by the sick; 
the lame he made to walk and the blind to see. His 
fame spread from one end of the world to the other. 
Beloved by all was he. We were happy, the prince and 



OSTRACIZED 215 



I. Our children — you should have seen them ! Words 
■do not exist to portray them. The interruption to our 
happiness was due to the jealousy of a neighboring 
couple who were wrought up with envy because of the 
serene content I was enjoying. So one dark night, 
there being a violent storm, they crept into our house 
and imprisoned the prince. Thereupon they installed 
themselves — her husband as the prince, and herself as 
the princess. My beautiful children banished, and I 
know not where they are now. The imposters claim 
that their children are the children of royalty. I am 
broken-hearted !" 

" It is strange," I said, " that a thing like that could 
happen and I should not hear of it." 

**The people know it not," she said, "they cannot 
even suspect it, since things go on in our household as 
of yore." 

"The pretender to my husband's estate gives lec- 
tures with grand display. The crowds who hear him 
applaud these deliverances. Their lack of lucidity 
invests them with an air of wondrous wisdom. So 
bitterly have they inflamed the people against us that 
I am the target of stones and revilement whenever I 
assert myself." 

I begged her to tell me the names of herself and 
husband. Her name was Truth, she said, and that 
of her husband was Wisdom. Their children were 
Happiness, Justice, Art, Love, Progress. Falsehood 
and Deception were the usurpers. 



216 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

"That story of yours is a strange one indeed, 
madam," I said, "but I have the impression that 
Wisdom will be found at the university." 

"That's what they all say," she said, "but I have 
sought him there, and found him not. My husband's 
teachings are universal, not university. There the 
people have the privilege only of contributing. They 
who are debarred provide the food, shelter, and raiment 
for them who do not toil. 

" The buildings are tainted by the sweat and blood 
of the disinherited, who ' built but enter not in.' It is 
the home of dissected half-truths — acrobatic intellec- 
tuahty. They chew over the indigestible, unnourish- 
able yesterday, to be vomited and injected into others 
tomorrow." 

" Surely the university is better than no education," 
I interposed. 

"Education! The university has corrupted the 
very word. Instead of 'drawing out' or educing the 
powers of the student by the process of unfoldment 
and expansion of the faculties of mind and body, the 
university's education means that some exterior influ- 
ence is exerted on something to make it act, do, or think, 
contrary to the natural bent of the real self. 

" When you say ' educated dog,' it means a dog that 
can turn somersaults, walk on two legs, and do things 
foreign to the real nature of dogs. An educated 
elephant is one that can waltz, stand on one leg, and 
drink whiskey. An educated horse is one that can 



OSTRACIZED 217 



waltz, keep time to music — accomplishments which 
were not intended for it by nature. An educated horse 
is unreUable at the plow or other horse work. An 
educated man is one taught to live that which is not 
himself. His education deals largely with clothing, 
manner of walk, how to sit at the table and eat. To 
talk about things you don't like and look pleasant; act 
as if you enjoyed it, although you are bored. It unfits 
man for the work nature intended for him. He then 
becomes a helpless creature, living on the good will of 
others. No, my child, Wisdom is not in the univer- 
sity." 

At this I said, "I can tell you where Art can be 
found. Perhaps she knows where her father is. We 
have a beautiful art conservatory here; it is the home 
of art, where all the doings in the art world must be 
brought and their merits discovered and approved or 
tagged ofiicially inartistic. There is much learning in 
the critics' heads, so they tell me." 

"It is true, my child," she said, "that Art is Wis- 
dom's child. She is our first bom, and was closest to 
my husband's heart. She is the pleasure and the happi- 
ness of those who know her, and is closely associated 
with all that brings joy to man. But Art is not where 
you suppose her to be. This curiosity shop, filled with 
statues, copies and imitations from the Mediaeval and 
Greek, is a bedizened prostitute posing as my daughter 
Art. 

"Art is life itself. It must come as an expression 



218 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

from within the man. His environment and his whole 
Hfe must be expressed therein. The Mediaeval and 
Greek art express this. The pictures and the statues 
that were carved, the bronzes that were hammered, 
had places in the buildings; those buildings had space 
in the old city, which as a united whole expressed the 
life of those people. To call an abstract or carved 
figure art is like calling an abstract nose man. It is 
ridiculous ! 

"Art is in all the activities of man. Art is not 
mysterious; it is life, not limited to the palette and the 
chisel; it is the joy of work and the result of a labor of 
love. When the housewife goes about her work and 
sings, there is art. When a mother makes a nightshirt 
for the child she loves, no matter how crude it is, that 
is art, for the real essence of art is instilled into it; it is 
a work of love, a work of happiness. To recognize art 
you must sense the conditions that environ the man 
who made the thing. Did he derive pleasure from 
doing it ? If the artist or the artisan has interwoven 
his heart and his life into his work, art is there, and 
radiates from the product and illumines it. 

*'You cannot confine it to walls. Like life, it is 
spontaneous. It cannot be planned, organized, bottled, 
or labeled. It is the fruit of the heart. It always is. 
When we aim to be artistic and organize for it we be- 
come art-less. Think of the futility of planning and 
organizing an affair of the heart ! Think of organizing 
yourself to fall in love! We find evidences of such 



OSTRACIZED 219 



fatuity in the Municipal Art League, organized to make 
Chicago a beautiful city. The result is so natural that 
its executive officer obstructs the street before his place 
of business with barrels, bundles, bales, and boxes." 

" Now I have it," I said to the woman; "Justice will 
tell where Wisdom is, for where Justice is Wisdom 
cannot be far away. We will go together to the place 
where they punish a man if he does not deal in a 
brotherly manner. You can surely have nothing to 
say against this noble institution of Justice, where 
life and property are protected, and without which 
man would kill his brother and escape punishment for 
the crime." 

"You are wrong, my child," she said. *'The 
institution that is called Justice is conducted by the 
usurpers, who run it for their own benefit, and not at 
all for the happiness or advantage of the people. No 
specie of animal would tolerate being in prison and tor- 
tured by its own kind. Truth, Justice, and Wisdom 
need no force to compel obedience. Falsehood in the 
guise of protecting property needs force; and injunc- 
tions are issued against the toilers of the earth. 

" This very morning," she went on to say, " I visited 
one of these market-houses. I saw one man justified for 
killing a fellow-man who had taken a pair of shoes, and 
another condemned for taking a bit of food to stay the 
hunger of a famished family conducted to a prison cell. 
The father was denied the opportunity of continuing his 
fruitless search for work whereby to earn them a pit- 



220 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

tance, and his children are still hungry. And there were 
young girls who had been deprived of means to save 
themselves from want imprisoned for street-walking, 
by people who claim that the streets belong to the 
people. No, my child, neither Justice nor Wisdom 
will be found in such a place. It, too, is under the 
influence of Deception." 

"Why don't you try the Church .?" I asked. " There 
surely we may discover Wisdom. It is claimed God 
is there. The devotees at that shrine claim to be in 
constant communion with him, and they are very 
fine and honorable. They devote their time to fasting 
and praying; and are saving souls constantly. Think 
of the grandeur of such devotion! Yes, surely the 
Church will reveal the whereabouts of Wisdom, for 
I have been told that where God is, there is Wisdom." 

"Alas, my child," sighed Truth, "you are wrong 
again. Two places there are where man seeks God 
and finds him not, within the walls of the temple, and 
at the graveside. *You cannot imprison me between 
walls,' says God, 'neither is my place with the dead. 
I am the living God of the living. Where misery is I 
am. My abode is with the rebel, the thief, the sick, the 
prostrate, and the prostitute.' The churches save not; 
they sear the soul of man. Hypocrisy and Falsehood 
sit enthroned there. Neither these nor their disciples 
can 'save the unsavable.' Nor is that soul worth 
saving that would save itself. That soul that real- 
izes the general welfare is saved. Whoso, then, strives 



OSTRACIZED 221 



for the tranquillity of the social whole and 'seeketh 
not his own will find rest.' 

"I know the very people," I suggested. "Think 
of the gentle and generous men and women in the 
Social Settlement work, who devote their lives and 
means to a kindly solution of social problems. 
These 'modem saints' are animated by brotherhood 
and good will; surely we shall find Wisdom there." 

"Wisdom is not there," she responded. "The 
Social Settlement is only one other way of stajdng 
progress. Such expedients serve to palliate injustice — 
to quell the righteous insurgency of the disinherited and 
despoiled. It is a sop to the conscience of the amiable 
oppressor. This paltering with conscience is so much 
easier and cheaper than to 'get off the backs' of the 
beneficiaries. It is 'jolly' palmed off as justice. If 
you were obliged to carry a boil on your neck for the 
remainder of your life, its appearance would be im- 
proved if you decorate it. Better find a way to get 
rid of the boil." 

"Look here, madam," I protested, with anger, 
" this wholesale condemning process will not do. This 
tearing down because there is some evil is uncalled for. 
You wish to destroy the Social Settlement and offer us 
nothing in place of the Benevolent Ice Fund and the 
Humane Pure Milk Supply. You wish to rob us of 
all. Truth would not tear down everything ; it would 
preserve the good that is in the bad. I believe you 
are an impostor, madam, and — " 



222 THOUGHTS OF A FOOT. 

*'Hush, child, not another word." She put her 
hand over my mouth so I could not speak and said : 

"The Red Cross Society with its skilled surgeons 
and nurses, along with their surgical instruments, 
bandages, and liniments, and words of good cheer, do 
a good work to the wounded ; likewise does he who rubs 
down the prize fighter; but in the name of my beloved 
Wisdom, let the war cease. 

*' Stop the music ! Stay the hands of the Red Cross ! 
Let the horror of war be seen as it is ! Remove the 
glittering wrapper of patriotism! Let civilization be 
seen in its nakedness ! Let the cries and grunts of the 
maimed, limbless, and brainless patriots who are lying 
on the battle-field of commerce pierce the Heavens and 
reach the soul of God ! * Your sacrifice nauseates me,' 
said God, my Father. Wisdom says that it it not evil 
that is to be feared ; it is the good which is in evil which 
decoys innocence and snares the unwary. It is not the 
trap that plays havoc with the rat; it is that virtuous, 
good, and noble bait, that pious, saintly piece of roast 
beef enshrined on its altar which allures the rodent to 
the trap. If you are not in position to fill the hole in 
the pathway of humanity, for God's sake do not cover 
it with a spider-web. Falsehood by itself could harm 
no one; it could not exist. The interwoven grain of 
truth in falsehood is what works mischief. 

" In place of war you shall have peace. You shall 
have sound limbs in place of crutches. Broad acres I 
will give you in place of stuffy garrets ; instead of bottle 



OSTRACIZED 223 



milk you shall have pure mother milk, distilled from 
nutritious food and fresh air, among the songs of the 
birds and the poetry of nature. 

" Let there be justice and you will not need charity." 
In despair I suggested that in the camps of the 
SociaHsts we might end our quest. "These good 
people," I declared, "make great and noble sacrifices 
in a worthy cause. Let them enroll a majority of the 
voters, and an era of peace on earth, good will to man, 
will be ushered in. No more the struggle for subsis- 
tence. No competition, no thefts, no harlotry, no jails. 
Every one will have plenty. The petty quarrels that 
might still arise could be speedily settled by judges 
selected by all the people, whereas under the present 
regime, capital administers government for its own 
protection." 

"Wrong again, my child," she said. "Wisdom is 
not in that camp. Capital is not the oppressor of man- 
kind. It is the power back of capital that perver^^^s 
society. Capital is a servant. When it attains mastery 
it becomes mischievous. Possession of wealth is desir- 
able. The triumph of socialism would centralize it. 
When your industries are administered by the State, 
every foreman in the shop will be a politician. The 
rights and privileges you still retain will be denied you 
under socialism. The freedom of the individual will 
be lessened. Your little satraps, dnmk with power, 
will seize more and more power, and you will lose even 
your slender privilege to *kick.' No man, be he ever 



224 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

so pure, is strong enough and good enough to hold in 
his keeping the Hberties of another. In short, you can- 
not obtain or maintain peace by force. The terms 
contradict each other." 

All at once her eyes brightened and her mien trans- 
formed to a beauty and a grandeur that amazed me. 

"See," she cried, as one enraptured, *'I have found 
them — my mate and our bairns !" 

I seemed to be floating in space. Presently I be- 
came aware of a bright and shining light. I was in 
the presence of a farmer spreading dung over the land, 
and he spoke to me while working. 

" The more the stench of the dung, the more fragrant 
flowers it will produce," he said. *'The rottener the 
manure, the more strength-giving fruit it will bring 
forth. Life has so decreed that when a thing has 
become so vile that it cannot get worse, then it is so 
good that it makes other things better. There is 
nothing in life so great that the very least cannot become 
greater by becoming still less ; letting itself be used as 
fertilizer to make other things greater. When thoughts 
become very, very, foolish they become unexcelled as 
fertilizer. No being has so much knowledge that the 
one who knows not cannot excel it by knowing still 
less. Everything has its use. All is one. Until you 
understand — ." 

My heart trembled with fear, for a great darkness 
spread over the horizon. My senses were leaving me. 
I felt myself in the dung which was spread over the 



OSTRACISED 225 



ground. I felt myself becoming a part of the earth, 
a part of the grass, a part of everything there is. Then 
again I felt that all there was of me was gathered up 
and put into a body again, and I was still in the presence 
of Wisdom, Truth, and their offspring. 

Wisdom held me in his arms; his hand pointed to 
what appeared at first as a cloud. Each moment it 
became more dense. 

It was a monster with a thousand tongues ever and 
ever changing form, I discerned familiar phases. 

There were swords and bludgeons. Caps and gowns 
and books. Reformers, Social Settlements. Success- 
ful business men. Christian Scientists, and prostitutes. 
Virtuous women, corsets, clubs, law and order. Bibles, 
and crucifixes. 

And all these and more made up the monster, 
Prejudice. 

I realized that I was now alone. I heard as from 
a thousand raucous throats a great cry, addressed, I 
knew, to me: 

"Thou fool: thou art ostracized." 



MY FIRST CASE 



MY FIRST CASE 



IT was a great privilege that was accorded me last 
night to be allowed to sit in the gallery and hear 
the speeches at the banquet. Our senior senator's 
response to the toast *'My First Case," made so strong 
an impression upon me that even after I had crept into 
bed I thought of it. How great must be the satisfac- 
tion of a young lawyer who successfully pleads his first 
case in behalf of some poor client against a rich cor- 
poration ! How gratifying to wrest victory from more 
experienced antagonists, and to be upheld by the 
presence of his friends and his sweetheart. 

In my half -waking condition I was wishing that my 
career would have been one of a lawyer instead of a 
bustle-maker. Then, like a panorama, my life was 
mirrored before me, and in the moving pictures as they 
passed by I saw complaints, trials, verdicts ; complaints, 
trials, verdicts. 

Without realizing it, I have been in court from the 
day of my birth, constantly pleading my cases; and 
the prospects are good for employing the remainder 
of my days in court. 

My first case began at my birth, although I did not 
possess, as yet, a diploma which would qualify me to 

229 



230 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

practice before a court of record. Nevertheless, I 
pleaded that case with all the force and eloquence my 
infant lungs could muster. When my mother sub- 
stituted malted milk in order to save her breasts to 
decorate a decollete gown for receptions, balls, and 
parties, I felt that I was being swindled of what life 
had bequeathed to me. What right had that mother 
of mine to use that which nature intrusted to her keep- 
ing to be used as a distillery and a store-house for my 
food as an ornament with which to decorate herself at 
gala shows. To misuse that with which one is intrusted 
is a violation of a trust and the offender guilty of breach 
of trust. To squander a trust fund and to substitute 
something else of an inferior grade is fraud. Though 
I survived this ordeal, my mother was putting herself 
into the attitude of a potential murderess, for I might 
have died of such treatment. I protested against 
this larceny as bailee. I registered my complaint by 
kicking, crying, and screaming. Mother gave me over 
to my nurse, and she tossed me about and finally put 
me in my cradle, and called the doctor, who put a few 
drops of dope in my food, and I went to sleep ex- 
hausted. Thus I pleaded and lost my first case. 

The next picture which appeared before me was 
when I, a child of two years, stood looking out of my 
window and seeing, other children enjoying themselves 
playing on the street, while my clothes, nurse said, were 
too fine and my parents too rich and respectable for 
me to play with common people's children, and when 



MY FIRST CASE 231 

I cried nurse took me in her arms and pointed to some 
kind of a chart which hung framed on the wall and said 
that this was a "family tree," and people who have 
them must not cry. 

What right had they to impose their respectability 
and the dignity of their riches, which I did not care for, 
and of which I did not know the use, upon a helpless, 
defenseless child ? And even to this day I do not know 
and cannot understand what good a "family tree" is. 
Life had appointed them guardian to care for me in 
the best possible manner till I should be able to care for 
myself. What right did they have to impose their love- 
less life upon me "^ And when the male guardian of the 
family came home from his club the worse for liquor, 
what right had he to "tootsie wootsie" and kiss me 
and make me sick with his vile breath ? I pleaded 
my case by pulling my father's whiskers, by kicking 
the governess, and running away whenever the oppor- 
tunity offered. Nevertheless I lost my case. 

Later, when my parents separated because of in- 
compatibility, and I was placed in a convent by the 
order of the court, my emotions sought expression in 
playing. But the rules of the convent did not permit 
play. Instead, they crammed me with information 
about things that did not concern me and refused me 
answers to questions upon that which interested me. 
They made me pray when I had no prayer in me, and 
they read all the letters that I wrote and received. I 
protested against this invasion and abridgement of my 



232 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

liberty by crying and scolding the nuns, and by running 
away several times, but was always taken back to 
endure even more vigorous restraint. And so I lost 
my case. I seemed to be the victim of a conspiracy to 
cheat me of my inheritance. But I thought that 
probably if I would endure it for a while that when I 
had become grown up I should come into my estate of 
liberty. But in this expectation I was doomed to dis- 
appointment as well as before, for when I reached 
womanhood I found that I was expected to permit 
others to shape my life for me. 

The next vision on the panorama is the saddest of 
my life, seeing two of my sisters die, one of con- 
sumption, being unhappy with her husband, and not 
being strong enough to withstand the drain of successive 
child-bearing upon her tired frame. Children kindly 
nature had given her, not of a normal motherhood de- 
mand but because her husband was the provider and 
my sister a woman anxious for peace submitted to his 
vile passions rather than to have him nagging. Mother 
nature cares not for the cause of the demand made upon 
her; so long there be a demand she supplies without 
question. And so my sister died. 

The cause of my other sister's death was likewise a 
"brute of a husband." Sisters, dear sisters, how I 
mourn you! How I mourn your sacrifice to conven- 
tionality ! I should think that this monster convention 
would have been satisfied with two sacrificial offer- 
ings in one family. So when my maternal feeling got 



MY FIRST CASE 



so strong, and the desire to become a mother so great 
within me, I thought that I should be permitted to 
become one without pledging my body for life to a 
man whose attentions I would probably not care to re- 
ceive after conception. The fish of the sea have their 
appointed time to propagate. The fowls of the air 
have their mating seasons. The beasts of the forest 
their breeding periods. But you, my brother, impose 
your uncontrolled passions on your mate in and out of 
season. 

I, a full-grown woman, passed the age of thirty, I 
thought would be permitted to select the man that 
should father my child. And not heeding my neigh- 
bors when they tried to dictate to me by whom, when, 
and how I should become a mother, I am indicted 
as being an unfit person to be admitted to the homes 
of my fellow-citizens. Ostracism from my fellow- 
beings is the verdict they ask public opinion to give. 
And even now, when my child is four years of age, 
I have fully proven to convention that a child that 
comes into the world because of the demand of the 
mother, will be provided by life with all the love it needs. 

Yet I am dragged into the Court of Public Opinion, 
my accusers asking for my condemnation, and put upon 
my defense. 

In my reverie I seemed to arise slowly, perfectly 
conscious of my victory, knowing the responsibility 
devolving on me, ready and willing to plead not only 
for myself but for the freedom of my sex. So, facing 



234 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the court, and in a clear and distinct voice which seemed 
to ring through the court-room, I said: 

*' The honorable Court of Public Opinion, and the 
citizens under its control : there is a feeling abides with 
me, a conviction I might say, that you will deliberate 
this case carefully, without any fear and prejudice, in 
the most calm manner, as the happiness of womanhood 
is at stake. Your own happiness, as well as your 
daughter's; your sister's as well as my own. I beg of 
you to please record that I am not now setting up any 
defense against the charge with which I am confronted. 
If my desire and anxiety would be for my acquittal I 
would let the case go before your honorable body for de- 
cision without setting up any defense, as my accusers 
have not proven the charges set out in the indictment. 
I admit that I am associated, in fact very intimate, with 
Love. But it is admitted by all, and I have even heard 
this honorable court say, that to love is no crime. But, 
say they in the indictment, that I use my love with a 
hypnotic power, and thereby I destroy and wreck the 
life of Happy Homes. And say they in the indict- 
ment, that I have freed Love and thereby wrecked 
Happy Homes; that would make the charge against 
me accessory before the act. 

" The law of evidence is very clear that when a per- 
son is charged with murder it devolves upon the pros- 
ecution to produce the * corpus delictu.' Unless it be 
shown that there had been such a person as the one 
with whose destruction I am charged, I must be ac- 



MY FIRST CASE 235 

quitted, however strong the chain of circumstantial 
evidence connecting me with the crime. The prosecu- 
tion of this case has failed to produce any evidence 
that Happy Homes was seen recently. There is no 
evidence whatever that I was ever acquainted with 
Happy Homes. Happy Homes, as the court knows, 
is a myth. For centuries Happy Homes has had no 
existence, and I could not destroy what did not exist. 
So if I were alarmed for my personal safety, though I 
would not say anything in my defense, you could not do 
otherwise than to acquit me for lack of evidence. 

"My object, your honors, in standing now before 
you is not to defend but to accuse. Transformation 
has taken place. Instead of the accused criminal beg- 
ging for mercy, I stand as an accuser demanding justice ! 

" Here, now, I see the proper opportunity to charge 
my accusers with the most heinous crime of conspiracy. 
From the day of my birth until the present time there 
was not a day that passed that they did not harass me 
and make my life miserable. Fear and Prejudice, my 
accusers, are dishonorable, and should be banished 
from any community. I will show to this honorable 
court the true character of two of the most dangerous 
traitors that ever inflicted mankind. Always conspiring 
against the community which honors them. Un- 
grateful wretches! The more you respect them, the 
more you nourish them, the more you fondle them, the 
more miserable they will make you. They will devour 
your very happiness. 



236 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

**If this honorable court please, let Fear stand up 
so you can have a good look at him. Look how miser- 
able and cowardly he acts ! See how he cringes ! 

"Come out, Fear, from behind that child! Come 
out, Fear, from behind that woman's apron there ! Let 
the court see you! You are always hiding behind 
children and women! Always afraid of what will 
become of the poor defenseless orphans and widows. 
What has Fear ever done for them ? It is Love, my 
comrades, that cares, provides, and suffers for the 
children and the women. It is Love that makes the 
bread, it is Love that fashions the clothes, it is Love that 
builds the houses for the use of the women and children. 
And here. Prejudice, stand up and let the court see you. 
You looked like a mountain when you were my accuser, 
and like a tiger you were fierce when you made the 
charges against me. But here as I assert myself — 

" Here, your honorable court, I can't find Prejudice 
anjrwhere. He has vanished though all the doors are 
locked. I demand that an attachment be issued by this 
honorable court, and let Prejudice be brought before 
this honorable body, that the court may see. There 
is really nothing to Prejudice; there was nothing in 
him in the first place. It was only the noise they 
have been making. I have no dealing with either 
Fear or Prejudice. When you know what they are 
you can go about your business unmolested by Fear 
or Prejudice. 

"The danger, my fellow-citizens, is when you do 



MY FIRST CASE 237 

not know them. The danger is when you are not 
acquainted with them. It is then that they destroy 
the possibihties of Freedom living in your community. 
Happy Homes could not have lived in the community 
where either Fear or Prejudice existed. Fear and Pre- 
judice have stolen the outer garments of Happy Homes 
and make of them a flimsy disguise for Miserable 
Homes and Wretchedness. 

"And here in the audience, your honorable court, 
I see Economics. Come, Economics, and testify in my 
behalf before tliis honorable body. You have traveled 
all over this land ; tell us if you have seen Happy Homes 
anywhere. Tell the honorable court of Public Opinion, 
please, what you have told me, that * fear of poverty has 
driven away any possibility of Happy Homes anywhere.' 
Tell the honorable court, too, dear Economics, whether 
or not you have not found Miserable Homes masquerad- 
ing in the garb of Happy Homes wherever you went. 
And there is Miserable Homes; you all know him. 
He will testify that he holds the life lease on all the 
homes, even on the home of this honorable court. And 
the lease which I have seen is signed by Fear and Pre- 
judice. So I implore this honorable court, if you desire 
to have happiness in this community, banish these ever- 
devouring monsters and conspirators. Fear and Preju- 
dice, along with their retinue, out of the land; then we 
can all enjoy love in freedom, and we will hail with joy 
the return of Happy Homes." 

A hush fell upon the assemblage as RespectabiHty, 



238 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the court crier, announced that the honorable court of 
PubHc Opinion was ready to render a decision. 

In tremulous voice, and without lifting his eyes from 
the paper on which his verdict had been transcribed, 
Public Opinion read as follows: 

*' It is customary for those who are under the juris- 
diction of this court to subscribe to appearances. 
While we are aware that Miserable Homes is a guest at 
the fireside of each of us, we are justified in acquiescing 
in the assumption that Happy Homes dwells with our 
neighbors. The law upholds many 'legal fictions' — 
some of them having been cherished so long as to have 
all the sanctions we accord to truth. We must, in so 
far as we have the power, protect our established legal 
fictions. Properly, therefore, society punishes with 
ostracism all who strip bare such professions as we 
regard valuable. However, as this court has juris- 
diction only over those who are willing to be wretched 
in order to hold certificates of respectability (on the 
well-known principle that every just court derives its 
powers from the consent of the judged), this court can 
mete out justice only to those who consent to its domin- 
ion, yet disregard its mandates. This defendant, pre- 
ferring to be ruled by her own conscience rather than 
to keep up appearances, seems to be outside the juris- 
diction of this court. This tribunal is, and of right 
ought to be, a terror to those under its control, but it 
must recognize an inclination to accord some measure 



MY FIRST CASE 239 

of admiration to such as have the courage to defy it. 
The defendant stands acquitted." 

(To a newspaper reporter the learned judge later 
made the private admission that there was more of 
policy than kindliness in his decision, inasmuch as 
the class of insurgents which the defendant represented 
might some day be the leaders of public opinion them- 
selves.) 

Rabbi Emil G. Hirsch, who had been an attentive 
listener to the proceedings, added 6clat to the ovation 
that was given me as I left the court-room by shouting, 
" I propose three cheers for the woman who dared." 



BOILED CABBAGE 



BOILED CABBAGE 



PERHAPS you understand such things better 
than I. As for myself — really I admit myself 
unable to fathom the why and the wherefore of 
such simple natural phenomena as the transformation 
that takes place in things when they experience chem- 
ical and electrical interference. All I know is that they 
change, and I am satisfied. Like all natural phe- 
nomena, it exists, and I do not know how to figure out 
the why. The change which takes place can be sensed, 
it can be felt, smelled, or seen. Why is it that a head 
of cabbage, fresh from stalk or stall, is so different an 
entity after the simple process of boiling ? We are 
aware of the difference through several senses, but 
chiefly by assault and battery on our sense of smell. 
Is the art of cooking some improved or retrograded 
science of alchemy ? None but an alchemist of high 
degree could assume the audacity to convert a raw 
potato into fommes de terre au gratin. Any kitchen 
scullion could tell both you and me a great deal about 
salads and other such matters. Our chef accomplishes 
miracles, but I venture to say that he has never yet 
essayed to account for the marvel. The chemist can 
tell us all about the ingredients and chemical properties 

243 



244 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

of cabbage; but can he give me the reason for the 
cabbage law ? Can he tell me why a potato gets soft 
and an egg hard when boiled ? 

An acorn falls; it takes root. Lo! an oak. The 
contact of the acorn with earth, the sun's rays, the 
gentle rain, the tempered wind, the dew, and that 
indefinable essence of life — these combine to uprear 
another oak-tree in the forest. I have heard no grum- 
bling in the woods; the forest is content. The other 
trees make neither comment, cavil, nor complaint. 
Acorn was. Earth is. The young oak is. 

And so, when a human entity is attracted here to 
the sun, the rain, the wind, and the multifold unseen 
and impalpable forces and influences that make for 
growth, and which we call hfe, we realize a like phe- 
nomenon. There was one. Now there be twain. 

My befuddled brain puzzles wearily with the mys- 
tery. Yet mystery on mystery. Why is it that society 
persists in multiplying mystery ? For is it not a cer- 
tainty, while the sapling in the forest meets a welcome, 
the newcomer into society requires credentials ? Neither 
the cook nor the alchemist from whom the cook is 
descended can help us here. It's all well enough to 
understand that cabbage becomes acceptable by being 
boiled. The like process will not operate kindly in the 
matter of babies. 

No, clearly the alchemist nor his cousin, the 
wizard, can help us in this dilemma. The magician 
has but to say "Presto, change!" or some equally 



BOILED CABBAGE 245 

potent phrase, and the thing's done in a jiffy. If he 
omits the formula the change refuses to occur. While in 
magic also the change is visible (if the operator be apt), 
the distinction which society imposes is quite beyond 
the discernment of the senses, even the most common. 

"You are a bastard." This is said to me with a 
fine scorn that is designed to convince me that in com- 
parison with others there is a vital defect in me. I am 
under standard. In commerce I should be classed as 
"seconds." My worth to society is below par. My 
own observation convinces me that the classification 
of inferiority imposed upon me lacks validity. I am 
well-knit. My carriage and demeanor unexceptionable ; 
my muscles are well developed and supple. Stately, 
well proportioned; clean-cut features. I am accounted 
no mean antagonist, and can *' hold my own " in debate 
on most topics. My mirror (one of the best makes) 
reflects, without reflecting upon, my comeHness; and 
lays some emphasis upon even white teeth, virile hair, 
and a complexion not too tawny to hide the crimson 
flood that flows freely through my veins. 

"Seconds!" Nay, nay! Not so. Without the 
whispered cue, even society would rank me as an "A 
Number One" article. 

I have heard a woman declare that she would give 
some of her thousands for some of my hair. Another 
craved my complexion. A third envied me a voice, 
which, in her ecstatic admiration she averred to be most 
melodious. 



246 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

There's nothing of the "slouch" m me. You 
should see me at work. Ah ! I love my work, and be- 
cause of the joy I have in it I easily excel those who 
feel it a drudgery to perform one-half my stent. Yet 
I am a bastard. *' Presto, change !" was not said over 
the union of my parents ; and I am neither an accident 
nor a child of convenience. My father did not seek my 
mother to supply the need of a housekeeper, nor did 
my mother crave a home. 

My mother is the woman of my own choice. While 
I was still in the very blood of my father I felt her 
presence. I intoxicated him with a passion he could 
not withstand. How I longed for her — my mother — 
to receive me. In her blood was floating about that 
which would complete me. How deftly I schemed and 
contrived my father's introduction to her. And his 
execution of my impulse was perfect. How I com- 
pelled him to caress and fondle the sweet mother of my 
choice! When he kissed her lips it was I that kissed 
her. His arms about her were the arms that were to 
become my arms. It was I who made his heart pal- 
pitate with joy when she was near, or even in his 
thoughts, and I brought her to his thoughts when she 
was far away. I would not let him give place to any 
other thought than thoughts of her — my mother. 

People said that he was mad. Yes, with a divine 
madness. And it was I who had made him so. 

And how restless was that complement of me that 
my mother's blood held in suspense when it compelled 



BOILED CABBAGE 247 

her to realize that the comely youth who was to father 
me held in his being the corresponding atom of me ! 

The blushes that suffused her beauteous face were 
responses all to my allurements. I went to her brain, 
and she could think but of him. Her eyes had vision 
for none but for him. Yes, I caused her pain, much 
pain, but not more than was good for her. For her 
pain brought compensating pleasure that put all pain 
and thought of pain to rout. Waking and dreaming, 
she knew me, and all that I would be to her, and she 
knew naught else but me — and the youth who carried 
me in his rushing tide of life. 

Not for myself alone was I enlisted in the choice of 
my parents, but more because of all the future genera- 
tions that were pent up within my womb while I was 
floating inchoate in the blood that coursed through the 
hearts of my mother and my father. 

And of that conjunction of the me in my father, 
and of that in my mother that longed for me, I became 
unified. Such love as interflowed betwixt them twain 
was the soul struggling to be bom, to be properly bom 
and beautifully expressed. My parents loved, and I 
am the fruit of love. Their love was perfect, and my 
birth was perfect, and I am perfect. I am the child 
of Love, and I am Love. 

Yet I am a bastard, for no hocus-pocus incantation 
was chanted over the nuptials from which I issue. No 
wizard, no priest, no magistrate, had lot or parcel in 
my boming. Hence I am greater than Magic, greater 



248 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

than the Church, greater than State. I am the incar- 
nation of harmony, the essence of happiness, the pro- 
duct of nature. And you, unhappy children of chance, 
unwelcome and dreaded in your coming, how I pity you ! 
I look into your tired faces, racked bodies, clouded 
brains, and loveless natures, and do not marvel to find 
you true to your father's superstitions. No, I do not 
despise you, nor will I deny you the benefit of my love. 
I love you, for I am the child of Love. Such am I, the 
bastard. 



"IT IS FINISHED 



'IT IS FINISHED" 



I CONFIDED to a wise man my intention to write 
a book, and requested that he suggest a title. He 
advised me to call it "Thoughts of a Fool," and 
he explained that his counsel was not based alone on 
his estimate of my inferiority to the wise, but that I 
was specifically foolish to expect fame, appreciation, 
or money for my eflForts. 

Later, when I submitted the manuscript for his 
approval it was not approval I got, but a lecture so 
animated in objurgation that its import is worth record- 
ing. He commented with itemized disfavor upon each 
chapter as he read it, and summed up his appraisal at 
the end of the reading with the assurance that what I 
had written was "rot." 

"Tear it up!" he said. "It is *no good.' It is, as I 
have said, the veriest balderdash, rubbish, rot. Your 
stuff would raise questions in the minds of your readers 
to which you afford no adequate answers. A book 
should deal with the Ideal. To be worthy, it should 
build up, while you tear down. It should educate, not 
derogate from the sum of wisdom which the world has 
been ages in accumulating. Besides, you are incon- 
sistent throughout, for you do not believe in condemn- 

251 



252 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

ing, yet from beginning to end you indulge in a succes- 
sion of condemnations." 

So now that I have succeeded in enhsting a pub- 
lisher, it is but fair to you, my reader, that you be taken 
into my confidence; and I want to leave no question in 
your mind concerning myself. The thoughts and ideas 
in this book must stand for themselves. I claim only 
to be the messenger of these ideas. I am only the cornet 
on which Life sounded the notes, and the melody 
that has been evoked is true to the manipulation of the 
Master Player. I was absolutely will-less in Life's 
hands. And so, when I came upon the trail of Truth 
I cared not whither it would lead. I indulged no pre- 
conceived notions as to what I wanted it to be, or to be 
like. Therefore I believe myself to be consistent be- 
cause Life is consistent. 

Words, words, words ! How can you express Life — 
how can you express something that is greater than you ? 
You have your place, but not the whole place. It is 
you that make Life inconsistent when you represent 
Life. You who hearken to false witnesses will give 
false verdicts. Words themselves will tell you so, and 
when they do they are in harmony with Life and are 
Life. 

I saw words that were aflame with Life. I saw words 
that burned like living fire. I saw words that aroused 
anger and resentment; and words that calmed the 
storms of passion ; words that refreshed and invigorated 
like the friendly rain after a parching drought. I saw 



"IT IS FINISHED" 253 

complex words and I saw simple words, and there was 
Life in them all. I saw cruel words that pierced like 
daggers, and words fraught to the full with balm of 
happiness. When words take their rightful place, and 
are satisfied to be what they are — merely words — how 
illimitable their sphere enlarges — how grand and potent 
they become ! , 

The words in this book are the words of Life. It re- 
mains for you to decide what relationship exists be- 
tween you and the words in this volume. Without 
effort to be consistent it is consistent; and by tearing 
down it builds up. Its education of you progresses as 
it succeeds in tearing away the mask you wear. 

Consistent! I am consistent when I do not con- 
demn, for neither does Life condemn. Life gives itself 
alike to the just and to the unjust. And I am consistent 
when I condemn, for Life, too, condemns. 

I am consistent in my condemnation of you when you 
condemn yourself by concealing yourself behind a mask. 
You condemn your acts, and for that reason you cover 
them. I do not condemn you for what you do, but 
for wearing the mask — the mark of your self-condemna- 
tion. 

You are inconsistent in your self-condemnation, nor 
is there sincerity in it. For when you condemn a thing 
you cover it over, in order to protect and conserve the 
very thing you condemn. 

What Life condemns it extirpates. It has served its 
time and its occasion, and is condemned to be no more. 



254 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

Life executes its mandates, and from its judgment there 
is no appeal. 

I know that you are what you are because you were 
what you were: and you will be what you will be be- 
cause you are what you are. The action of Life through 
me upon you is in the process. I condemn your con- 
demnations, and by condemning them I destroy that 
which I condemn, and leave you free from that which is 
condemned, instead of shielding you and protecting that 
which you condemn. 

For, look you ! Life it is and Life alone that has the 
power to condemn, for the thing that is dead is con- 
demned to its grave, while you have fertilized with your 
concealments the things you have condemned, and they 
have flourished under your condemnation. 

And as to Ideals. You cannot fall short of your high- 
est ideals when you are purged and cleansed of that 
within you which condemns. The residue — the real 
You — is pure, holy, divine. What greater ideal could 
you entertain ? 

Nor need " human nature " be changed to accomplish 
the transformation. Does not your nature help me 
preserve the very thing which I wish to preserve ? You 
condemn, but nature in you, which is my Master as well 
as yours, preserves that which I need, and when I con- 
demn your mask to be shattered to fragments you will 
then come forth like the little chick when the time has 
come for its emergence from its imprisoning shell. 
When the hour strikes you will heed the clarion call oi 



"IT IS FINISHED" 255 

Life to unmask — to leave the outworn shell and blighted 
mask behind which you were to get the experiences 
that fitted you to stand forth as one of whom it might 
with truth be said : " It is Finished." 

Brother! Sister! Life has condemned the divided 
house in which you have been dwelling — condemned it 
to its fall. Life has condemned in you the old, that the 
new may become established. You will be transformed 
into Man ! A New Man ! A man with a new sense — 
a sense capable of conscious happiness — of a happiness 
that the old could never know. A peace, indeed, that 
passeth understanding. 

Life is building a new world, and preparing new 
beings to inherit the fullness thereof. New beings that 
will sense the full fruition of the comradeship of Man. 
Can you picture an ideal destiny transcending this — 
that you are in the laboratory of preparation to become 
a master-builder in this new-world building process ? 
Yes, Life is making you over in its seething crucible, 
that you may realize the Joy of Life — such joy as you 
have never known. 

The old world — the shell in which you are being 
formed — is pleasureless to you. You conceive of pleas- 
ure only by the intellectual deduction that pleasure en- 
sues when pain ceases. Pleasure and pain are com- 
rades ; one follows the other as light succeeds darkness. 
So, too, does happiness follow misery. 

It will come, brother, whether you want it so or not. 
You cannot stop progress any more than you can stop 



25Q THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

the sun from shining. To stand in the way of progress 
is suicide — Hke standing in the way of an express train 
at full tilt; you are ground beneath the wheels, while 
the train rushes on, heedless of the trifle that has sought 
to stay its flight. 

Life has you in its laboratory. It is making a new 
man of you. And you will build the new world. A 
world in which joy will be in everything well done. 
Work will be a pleasure. A new civilization approaches. 
It will bring with it new concepts — new concepts of 
work. Man has passed through the theological civiliza- 
tion to the capitalistic, and our concept of work has 
changed in the process. In the theological civilization 
all human activity, mental and industrial, sprang from 
the church. All that was achieved was done in the 
name of the church — God and the church. 

Painter and sculptor spent their lives in embellishing 
a cathedral. Labor was deemed a curse of God on 
man. You must labor because you have sinned, was 
the call of the church to diligence. All the "better" 
industries were fostered by the church, and the laborer 
was a galley slave. The redemption of Adam was to 
be a surcease from exertion. Labor was esteemed a 
punishment for sin, and Salvation was a promise of end- 
less idleness. 

Man went to war for the church, for then the church 
was supreme. Now capital is supreme in the minds of 
men, and with the newer sovereignty comes a remodeled 
philosophy. Work is no longer viewed as a curse. We 



"IT IS FINISHED" 257 

work because of our present needs rather than because 
of a desire to expiate the sin of Adam. Nor do we now 
kill people for God's sake or for the greater glory of the 
church. We do our killing in the name of Commerce, 
for the establishment of broader markets. Expansion 
is our war-cry. When a railway magnate declares that 
God in his wisdom had given him and his associates 
control over the coal deposits of Pennsylvania, the good 
people laughed at him. Not because they disputed the 
ownership of the select. No, they concede thus much. 
They smiled at Mr. Baer's anachronism. He was 
some centuries behind the times, invoking a dethroned 
sovereign instead of the recognized reigning monarch. 
Five centuries ago all ownership was justified as from 
the grace of God, and no one had then the temerity to 
laugh the pretension to scorn. 

In the new civilization — in the new world that is to 
be built by man for Man, rather than for God and 
Capital — work will assume a newer and saner phase. 
We will work because of the pleasure we shall derive 
from serving. We will serve well because we will love 
well. And he will be greatest among us who serves 
most, until in the common love and service all distinc- 
tions of greatness will be dissolved in the effulgence of 
boundless, bondless Love. 

Can you conceive of this ? Can you see the new 
world coming ? 

Yes, it is coming, and it will be built by you. 

Yes, you are condemned to the cross of the great prep- 



258 THOUGHTS OF A FOOL 

aration, that in your resurrection you may build a new 
world, here and Now. 

So, you see, that mask of yours served its purpose. 
You were at a masquerade, and it was fitting you should 
wear your mask. But midnight approaches. Only a 
few minutes more, and life will remove all masks. Then 
you shall stand revealed to me as you are, and you shall 
see me as I Am. And we will recognize each other as 
comrades, and laugh together at the way we fooled 
each other with our sham. 

Hark ! Do you hear the gong ? 

Lo ! the hour is at hand. 

Take off your masks. 



PRINTED BY R. R. DONNELLEY 
AND SONS COMPANY, AT THE 
LAKESIDE PRESS, CHICAGO, ILL. 



FEB 3 19C5 



